Business So, bored during lockdown, I've authored a Children's Book. Help me get it published? - GoFuckYourself.com

CurrentlySober · 04-10-2020, 05:36 AM

Any advice greatly appreciated. Plus any critiques on the story structure is welcomed.

The following book helps and aims to teach the 3 / 5 age group the following concepts: Small / Big / Belonging / Responsible Dog Ownership.
First Draught appears below: (Each section is its own page with illustrations, please see notes below for further details)

Quote:

DIGSBY THE DEJECTED DOG TURD.

Digsby the Dog Turd awoke all alone in the long grass. Where did I come from wondered Digsby? Digsby the Dog Turd felt sad... Digsby heard a noise ! It was a dog above him squatting in the grass. The big Dog let out a huge great big smelly pile of Turds right next to Digsby.

When the dog turned around to sniff at what it had done, Digsby shouted out. Are you my Mom? Why no, said the dog. Don't be silly. My Turds are huge and mighty. You are much smaller and weedier than my turds...Again, Digsby the Dog Turd felt sad...

Then a big hand with a black bag came down from the sky, and picked up the fresh dog turds, but left Digsby the Dog Turd where he was. Your not from MY dog, the Human said, and both the Human and the big Dog went away. Digsby the Dog Turd felt sad...

Then, again, Digsby heard a noise ! It was another dog above him squatting in the grass. This Dog was much smaller.The small Dog let out a little tiny pile of Turds right next to Digsby....

When the little Dog turned around to sniff at what it had done, Digsby shouted out. Are you my Mom? Why no, said the dog. Don't be silly. My Turds are small and delicate. You are much larger and juicier than my tiny turds...Again, Digsby the Dog Turd felt sad...

Then a big hand with a black bag came down from the sky, and picked up the fresh dog turds, but left Digsby the Dog Turd where he was. Your not from MY dog, the Human said, and both the Human and the little Dog went away. Digsby the Dog Turd felt sad...

I'm never going to know who I came from thought Digsby... I'm never going to find my Mom... Digsby started to cry...

Then, yet again, Digsby heard a noise ! It was another dog above him squatting in the grass. This Dog was much more of a medium size. The Dog let out a nice fresh moist pile of Turds right next to Digsby.... All these turds were the exact same size, shape and texture as Digsby !

When the dog turned around to sniff at what it had done, Digsby shouted out. Are you my Mom? Why yes, I am! Said the dog. My Turds are the exact same size, shape and texture as you are!!! You must be MY Turd. I must be your Mom !

Then a big hand with a black bag came down from the sky, and picked up ALL of the fresh dog turds, INCLUDING Digsby the Dog Turd! Digsby the Dog Turd found himself inside the bag with all his brothers and sisters. "Dont Worry" barked the Dog. You are no longer alone ! You are where you belong !

And with that, Digsby the Dog Turd was happy contented and felt safe that he belonged... and so, he went to sleep...

Are you ready to go to sleep too?

Goodnight & Sweet Dreams

THE END

NOTES: The finished product is also illustrated, with a nice picture on each page, actually drawn using a REAL Dog Turd, for added authenticity...

Should it be a bestseller, I'll release a special scratch and sniff version as a limited collectors edition...

So, Whats my next move and do you want to invest? LMK X