RULES OF ACQUISITION... your favorites?

[Greg B]

Us 'Trekkers' know about the infamous 'Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition'. They're funny but some are quite true! Check em' out and see if you agree with em. The quotes come from the 'Deep Space Nine' show and are listed.


1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. Rom, "The Nagus"



3. Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to. Quark, "The Maquis, Part II"



6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. Zek, "The Nagus"



7. Keep your ears open. Odo, "In the Hands of the Prophets"



8. Small print leads to large risk.



9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. Nog, "The Storyteller"



10. Greed is eternal. Quark, "Prophet Motive"



12. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.



13. Anything worth doing is worth doing twice. The Making of ST:DS9



16. A deal is a deal (...until a better one comes along). Quark, "Melora"



17. A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between Ferengi. Rom, Quark, Brunt, and Gint, "Body Parts"



18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. Ben Sisko and Nog, "Heart of Stone"



19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Quark, "Meridian"



21. Never place friendship before profit. Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"



22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"



27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about, instead. Quark, "The Siege"



33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss. Quark and Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"



34. War is good for business. Quark, "Destiny"



35. Peace is good for business. Dax, "Destiny"



40. She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



41. Profit is its own reward. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



44. Never confuse wisdom with luck. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own. Quark, "Rivals"



48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"



52. Never ask when you can take. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



57.Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them. Quark, "Armageddon Game"



58. There is no substitute for success. Pocket Books: Rules of Acuisition



59. Free advice is seldom cheap. Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"



60. Keep your lies consistent. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



62.The riskier the road, the greater the profit. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition", Quark, "Little Green Men"



65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum. Quark, "Civil Defense"



76. Every once in a while declare peace... It confuses the hell out of your enemies. Quark, "The Homecoming"



79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price. Pcoket Books: Rules of Acquisition



85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking. Pocket Book: Rules of Acquisition



89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



94. Females and finances don't mix. Pcoket Book: Rules of Acquisition



95. Expand or die. Kafar, "False Profits"



96.For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule.(except when there's not) Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



97. Enough... is never enough. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



99. Trust is the biggest liability of all. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



102. Nature decays, but Latinum is forever. Quark and Nog, "The Jem'Hadar"



104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



106. There is no honor in poverty. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. Quark, "Rivals"



111. Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them. Ben Sisko, "Past Tense I", Worf, "The Darkness and the Light"



117. Everything is for sale, including friendship. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



139. Wives serve. Brothers inherit. Odo, "Necessary Evil"



141. Only fools pay retail. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



144. There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. Quark, "Whispers"



202. The justification of profit is profit. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms.. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! Rom, "Little Green Men"



211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them. Grimp, "Bar Association"



214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. Quark, "The Maquis, Part I"



217. You can't free a fish from water. Quark, "Past Tense, Part I"



219. Always know what you're buying. Quark, "The Abandoned"



223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



229. Latinum lasts longer than lust. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



236. You can't buy fate. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product. Gint, "Body Parts"



242. More is good... all is better. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum. Rom, "Bar Association"



266. When in doubt, lie. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



285. No good deed ever goes unpunished. Quark, "The Collaborator"



Added by Quark

286. When Morn leaves, it's all over. Quark, "The House of Quark"

[Phoenix]

damn...i hate to admit it..but i knew many of those..lol

i am a self proclaimed trekker

not a trekie..there is a difference..lol

anyway here is my favourite

i actually had something similar on my desk at my very first real job

Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. Nog, "The Storyteller"


but mine said..luck is chance and oportunity meeting a prepared mind.

[<IMX>]

261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience

[Greg B]

106. There is no honor in poverty. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition



109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. Quark, "Rivals"


I'm having the two above engraved into my family crest.

[Greg B]

Originally posted by Phoenix
damn...i hate to admit it..but i knew many of those..lol

i am a self proclaimed trekker

not a trekie..there is a difference..lol

anyway here is my favourite

i actually had something similar on my desk at my very first real job

Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. Nog, "The Storyteller"


but mine said..luck is chance and oportunity meeting a prepared mind.

Well Phoenix, I signed up for your program in your SIG. I'll letcha know how it turns out. Still waiting for the confirmation email to arrive after filling out the form.

[NetRodent]

Its amazing how many of these are relevant for webmasters.

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. Rom, "The Nagus"

Obviously the Ferengis never had to contend with Visa.

3. Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to. Quark, "The Maquis, Part II"

Always test the traffic, before committing to a long term buy.

10. Greed is eternal. Quark, "Prophet Motive"

Just look at the sig whores...

13. Anything worth doing is worth doing twice. The Making of ST:DS9

Cross-sells!

18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. Ben Sisko and Nog, "Heart of Stone"

Same goes for webmasters.

19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Quark, "Meridian"

Joined any paysites lately?

21. Never place friendship before profit. Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"

How many of you have been scammed by "friends"?

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"

The more promises a paysite makes, the fewer it delivers on.

52. Never ask when you can take. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition

If they don't click a link willfully, give them a popup console.

82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price. Pcoket Books: Rules of Acquisition

$49.95 / month?

94. Females and finances don't mix. Pcoket Book: Rules of Acquisition

This is a business, not a convienent excuse to fuck the content.

219. Always know what you're buying. Quark, "The Abandoned"

What exactly is a "unique"?

229. Latinum lasts longer than lust. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition

This is why surfers chargeback the next morning.

239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product. Gint, "Body Parts"

Again, joined any paysites lately?

261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition

Big sponsors are all reputable, right?

284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. Pocket Books: Rules of Acquisition

Especially webmasters...

[CDSmith]

255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.

So marry an accountant

[<IMX>]

awesome post btw.

Long Live Trekies!!!

[basschick]

Originally posted by CDSmith
So marry an accountant