Guess the number between 1 and 347 and get $347 sent to you. - Page 12 - GoFuckYourself.com

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:06 PM

I'm confused - but he said post - so I'll post.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:07 PM

i am just boring...

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:07 PM

Posting like da mans ays.

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:07 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:08 PM

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:08 PM

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:09 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:09 PM

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:10 PM

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:10 PM

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:11 PM

man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you''re only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn''t budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don''t get up from there, I''m going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What''s your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:11 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:12 PM

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:12 PM

Yo mama so fat she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nebraska, New York...

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:12 PM

mrgica · 06-06-2004, 01:12 PM

Nobody have won yet?

Q:
Are we allowed to post only once?
or we can post how much we want?

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:12 PM

It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Failed merger: Yahoo and Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate the headquarters located in Tel Aviv.

Proposed merger: Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild.

Rumored merger: Wurlitzer with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs.

Possible merger: Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merger: mmmGood

John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da

Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese

Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts

Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck

White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:13 PM

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:13 PM

You can only guess the number once - but you can post unlimited times from what I understand.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:14 PM

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:14 PM

i am posting as many as i can.

315

gotta be the winner

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:14 PM

What do guys and ceramic tiles have in common?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the rest of your life!

pxxx · 06-06-2004, 01:15 PM

314

okay, maybe this one.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cornhusker
You can only guess the number once - but you can post unlimited times from what I understand.

ups , that is correct

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:15 PM

man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to have a conniption, and the mother said quietly, "Now Missy, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long."
In the candy aisle, the little girl began to shout for treats. When mom said she couldn't have any, she began to kick her mother and scream. The mother said softly, "There, there, Missy, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little brat immediately began to reach for the gum and freaked out when her mom said she couldn't have any. The mother patiently said, "Missy, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he said.

The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no, my little girl's name is Francine - I'm Missy."

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:17 PM

Male Seminars
by Females

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You, Too, Can Do Housework

3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

4. How to Fill an Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money

6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks"

8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception

9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook

10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You: The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons to Give Flowers

15. How to Stay Awake in Public

16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom

17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb

18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try

19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower

20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please

21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"

22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms

23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull

24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost

25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex

27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes

28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too

29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home

30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver

31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"

32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works

33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary

34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary

35. Techniques for calling home

Female Seminars
by Males

1. Elementary Map Reading

2. Crying and Law Enforcement

3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR

4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours

5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast

6. The Seven-Outfit Week

7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"

8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions

9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights

10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed

11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water

12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament

13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"

14. How to Earn Your Own Money

15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"

16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side

17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry

18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station

19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels

20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy

21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too

22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out

23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"

24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"

25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House

26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:17 PM

The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session.

Mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak.....

Mother Superior: "A sinful deed was committed here, yesterday."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "Today I found a pair of men`s underwear."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And I also found a condom."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And it has been used."

99 nuns: "Oh, no!"
1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!"

Mother Superior: "And there is a hole in it!"

1 nun: "Oh no!"
99 nuns: "Hee, Hee, Hee!!!

Xenophage · 06-06-2004, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mrgica
Nobody have won yet?

Q:
Are we allowed to post only once?
or we can post how much we want?

2 contest now

post the number 1 guess per person and win 347
read first post in this thread

post the most in this thread win 100 bucks when the person wins the 347

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:18 PM

A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:19 PM

Topless Fat Woman

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:19 PM

ok, lets post jokes than

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:20 PM

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".

The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.

The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:20 PM

A woman had a garden, and all of her tomatoes were green, and she always looked with envy at her neighbor's garden, which always had red, ripe tomatoes.
One day, she went over and asked him how he got all of his red, ripe tomatoes, and he replied, ''Twice a day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself to my tomatoes, and they grow red with embarassment.''

She was kind of ashamed at the prospect of exposing herself to her garden, but she really wanted red, ripe tomatoes, so she followed his advice.

A week later, her neighbor came over and asked how her tomatoes were turning out, and she replied, ''They are the same, but you should take a look at my cucumbers!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:21 PM

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.
"Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!"

They yell back, "We're not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it.

The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:21 PM

Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
Because they leave to answer the door.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:21 PM

A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, but the man was always after his wife to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit." She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex." He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had. Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse?

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:22 PM

Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:22 PM

Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Joanne said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:23 PM

Dubya Quotes

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush

zentz · 06-06-2004, 01:23 PM

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:23 PM

Yo mama so fat, she leaves stretch marks in the tub.

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 01:24 PM

Yo mama is so bald I can see what she's thinking.

06-06-2004, 12:58 PM	#551
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06-06-2004, 12:59 PM	#552
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06-06-2004, 01:01 PM	#553
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06-06-2004, 01:02 PM	#554
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06-06-2004, 01:04 PM	#555
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06-06-2004, 01:04 PM	#556
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06-06-2004, 01:05 PM	#557
kak_azn So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2004 Location: TEXAS BAN Posts: 3,055	54

06-06-2004, 01:06 PM	#558
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	336

06-06-2004, 01:06 PM	#559
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	I'm confused - but he said post - so I'll post.

06-06-2004, 01:07 PM	#560
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	i am just boring... __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:07 PM	#561
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	Posting like da mans ays.

06-06-2004, 01:07 PM	#562
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	335

06-06-2004, 01:08 PM	#563
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	54 __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:08 PM	#564
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	334

06-06-2004, 01:09 PM	#565
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	332

06-06-2004, 01:09 PM	#566
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	56 __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:10 PM	#567
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	330

06-06-2004, 01:10 PM	#568
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	328

06-06-2004, 01:11 PM	#569
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you''re only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn''t budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir," the usher said, "if you don''t get up from there, I''m going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. "All right, buddy. What''s your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked. "The balcony."

06-06-2004, 01:11 PM	#570
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	324

06-06-2004, 01:12 PM	#571
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	57 __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:12 PM	#572
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	Yo mama so fat she plays hopscotch like this: California, Nebraska, New York...

06-06-2004, 01:12 PM	#573
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	318

06-06-2004, 01:12 PM	#574
mrgica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 2,169	Nobody have won yet? Q: Are we allowed to post only once? or we can post how much we want? __________________ Fuck it dude, lets go bowling

06-06-2004, 01:12 PM	#575
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Failed merger: Yahoo and Netscape. Net 'n Yahoo didn't work out because they would have to relocate the headquarters located in Tel Aviv. Proposed merger: Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild. Rumored merger: Wurlitzer with Xerox. They are going to market reproductive organs. Possible merger: Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merger: mmmGood John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Dip Audi Do Da Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags

06-06-2004, 01:13 PM	#576
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	316

06-06-2004, 01:13 PM	#577
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	You can only guess the number once - but you can post unlimited times from what I understand.

06-06-2004, 01:14 PM	#578
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	58 __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:14 PM	#579
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	i am posting as many as i can. 315 gotta be the winner

06-06-2004, 01:14 PM	#580
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	What do guys and ceramic tiles have in common? Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for the rest of your life!

06-06-2004, 01:15 PM	#581
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	314 okay, maybe this one.

06-06-2004, 01:15 PM	#583
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to have a conniption, and the mother said quietly, "Now Missy, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long." In the candy aisle, the little girl began to shout for treats. When mom said she couldn't have any, she began to kick her mother and scream. The mother said softly, "There, there, Missy, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out." When they got to the checkout stand, the little brat immediately began to reach for the gum and freaked out when her mom said she couldn't have any. The mother patiently said, "Missy, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he said. The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no, my little girl's name is Francine - I'm Missy."

06-06-2004, 01:17 PM	#584
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks" 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook 10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong 11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right 12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence 13. You: The Weaker Sex 14. Reasons to Give Flowers 15. How to Stay Awake in Public 16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom 17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb 18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try 19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower 20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please 21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet" 22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms 23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull 24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost 25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency 26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex 27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes 28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too 29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home 30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver 31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked" 32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works 33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary 34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary 35. Techniques for calling home Female Seminars by Males 1. Elementary Map Reading 2. Crying and Law Enforcement 3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR 4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours 5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast 6. The Seven-Outfit Week 7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it" 8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions 9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights 10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed 11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water 12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament 13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You" 14. How to Earn Your Own Money 15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good" 16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side 17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry 18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station 19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels 20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy 21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too 22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out 23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock" 24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do" 25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House 26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

06-06-2004, 01:17 PM	#585
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session. Mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak..... Mother Superior: "A sinful deed was committed here, yesterday." 99 nuns: "Oh, no!" 1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!" Mother Superior: "Today I found a pair of men`s underwear." 99 nuns: "Oh, no!" 1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!" Mother Superior: "And I also found a condom." 99 nuns: "Oh, no!" 1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!" Mother Superior: "And it has been used." 99 nuns: "Oh, no!" 1 nun: "Hee, Hee, Hee!" Mother Superior: "And there is a hole in it!" 1 nun: "Oh no!" 99 nuns: "Hee, Hee, Hee!!! __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 01:18 PM	#587
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]