Guess the number between 1 and 347 and get $347 sent to you. - Page 14 - GoFuckYourself.com

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:31 PM

"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement?" asked Julie.

"Well," Sharon confirmed, "Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:31 PM

A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant.

"My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "Here in the East we think breeding is everything."

"Oh, I don't know," the lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:32 PM

Even KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new, year 2000 compliant, product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:33 PM

(This refers to the show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire)

After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love.

She replied with her usual, "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache."

"Hmmmm," mused Regis, "is that your final answer?"

"Yes, it is," replied Joy.

Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, "I'd like to phone a friend."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:33 PM

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.

"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly.

"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for Mr. Big."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:34 PM

Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends.

The first said, "He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats."

"Impressive." said the second young thing.

"Well... yes." the first agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:34 PM

There's a new toy on the market called the Billy doll. It's being advertised as the first openly gay doll for sale in America. And the doll is anatomically correct. Boy, that's gotta be driving Barbie nuts, don't ya think? Finally a male doll with something "down there," and he turns out to be gay. Isn't that every woman's nightmare?

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:35 PM

Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover's Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. "Awwwww Hell!" Jeff murmured, "Fuzz!"

"What did ya expect?" Linda says, "A perm?"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:36 PM

Gomer Pyle is with his girlfriend Bunny and he says, "Bunny, can I put my finger in your belly button?"

She answers, "Why Gomer, how forward, but I guess so."

A few minutes pass and Bunny says in a surprised tone, "Why Gomer, that isn't my belly button!"

Gomer answers exuberantly, "Sur----prise! Sur---prise!!!! That ain't my finger neither! Gollllllyyyyyy.......

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:36 PM

A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman, so he climbs on top of her.

"Can I turn the light off?" he asks.

"Why?" she replies. "Are you feeling a bit shy?"

"No," he says. "Because it's burning my ass!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:37 PM

A Scottish man was taking a stroll down a country lane, where he meets up with a curious lady. She walks up to him and says, "They tell me that you people don't wear anything under those kilts."

The Scotsman says, "Feel and see for yourself."

So she did and says, "Oh, that's gruesome!"

He says, "Try it again, it grew some more!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:38 PM

Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?"

"No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:38 PM

The clerk showed the fellow the store's most expensive perfume. "This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per ounce."

"Listen," the fellow shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps; I want something called, "You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:39 PM

The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist."

Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How many children do you have?" he asked.

"Eighteen," the lady replied.

"Lady," he gasped, "You're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:39 PM

The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of love making. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.

"I can't help feeling that we've met before," he said.

"Yeah, I know," sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:40 PM

"My, but you look different today Claudia," commented Rene to her coworker. "Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use - special curlers and some dramatic eye makeup?"

"No!" replied Claudia. "My vibrator shorted out this morning."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:41 PM

The farmer's neglected wife steps behind the barn and sees the young hired hand taking a piss. She stares in disbelief at his huge apparatus and say, "Boy, I'd sure like to have some of THAT!"

He says, "Well, you'd best run get you a cup. I'm 'bout through."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:42 PM

This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: "I got 12 inches over here you would love to have."

The female response was: "Well, spit it out. It isn't yours!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:42 PM

One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring, then said, "But isn't having nine babies a little much?"

"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air."

"Yes," said the priest. "Your legs!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:43 PM

The sex of a bee is hard to see
But he can tell and so can she.
The queen is quite a busy soul
She has no time for birth control.
And that is why in times like these,
There are so many sons of bees.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:43 PM

The spaceship crashed, but the two glowing Martians survived and set out to find a way home. They walked through the forests, through the fields and finally came into the city. They stopped at an intersection and began to shake and moan at the mere sight of a green light. Suddenly, the light turned from green to yellow and then to red.

Turning to his traveling companion, one Martian said disgustedly, "Let's get out of here. If there's one thing I hate, it's a woman who's a tease."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:44 PM

A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she also had castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given a vicar a hair lip -- and there were still 5 shaves left!

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:45 PM

There were two old ladies at a dance. One says, "Do you remember the minuet?"

The other replies, "I can't even remember the ones I screwed."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:46 PM

Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer, and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway.

"Lord," he pleaded, "Please let her be having an affair."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:46 PM

Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art."

"You better get your canvas ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:47 PM

A guy goes running into a sex shop to return his blow-up doll. He says to the owner, "Excuse me, but I blew this doll up last night and straight away she went down on me. I want my $50 back."

The owner says, "Hell, if I'd have known she was going to do that, I'd have charged you $75!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:47 PM

A guy and a girl are having sex when they both say that they are hungry and thirsty. It was freezing in the house so they have an argument over who should go get the food and drink. After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.

They both think for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine."

So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."

WWC-Moe B. · 06-06-2004, 02:48 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:48 PM

The two East Coast hookers decided to move to the West Coast and while driving through New Mexico they stopped at a little general store. Well, low and behold there were two older Indian women siting on the front porch and the four women started up a conversation.

The one older Indian woman said, "Well I'm a Navajo and she is an Arapaho."

One of the East Coast hookers said, "No Shit, Well, I'm a New York Ho and she is a Chicago Ho."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:49 PM

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves." I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.

George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?"

Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:49 PM

This guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.

He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.

He kicks her in the face!

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:50 PM

An ode to the cut
that never heals.
The more you touch it
the better it feels.

You can rub it and scrub it
and brush it like hell.
But you will never get rid
of that damn cod fish smell.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:52 PM

A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:52 PM

You know you've had a good blow job when...

1) You have to pull the sheets out of your butt when she is done.

2) Your pecker has the dry heaves for three days afterward.

3) The head of your pecker is twice the size of your balls.

cornhusker · 06-06-2004, 02:53 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:53 PM

Three hungry Korean guys walk into a restaurant and sit down. One of them reads a sign, translates to the others, and then they whip down their pants and all start to whack off furiously.

The waitress comes up and asks, "What the hell are you perverts doing?"

They reply, "The sign said, first come first served!!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:54 PM

Two sweet old ladies were sitting in the park one afternoon, feeding the birds, when a big burly guy walked up, and sat down beside them on the bench. After a minute, one of the old lady's whispered to the other. "Martha, this dirty bugger is masturbating right next to me!"

"Oh my lord! Well, let's just leave, Agnes," her friend replied with disgust.

"I can't," said the other. "He's using my hand."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:54 PM

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love!'" "Beeeep!"

"Uh, yeah.. this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:55 PM

A woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store.

"If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't need the batteries."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:56 PM

A lady was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:56 PM

This man went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"

The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"

"Well, I've got a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:57 PM

An old farmer comes running across field screaming. The farmers wife was at the kitchen window wondering what the hell was going on. He rushes in house and says, "Ma, get in bed I got a hard on."

She slowly gets undressed and gets in bed. He looses his hard on. He gives her a stern lecture, "Next time I come screaming you be in bed ready!"

Two months later here he comes screaming across field. She sighs and gets in bed. He rushes in and says, "Ma you damn sex maniac get out of bed---the barns on fire!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:58 PM

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trenchcoats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic.

One of the worst pile-ups in history occurs. When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

Cloner · 06-06-2004, 02:58 PM

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:58 PM

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

"How am I doing?" He asks.

"Three knots," she replies.

"Three knots? What's that mean?"

"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 02:59 PM

Hey Diddle Diddle,
My penis is little
and shriveled
and shrunk like a prune.
But if you will squeeze it
And tease it, and please it,
It'll blow up just like
A balloon.

zentz · 06-06-2004, 03:00 PM

There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get the door," says the first ovary. She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"

No why?" asks the other ovary.

"Because there two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 03:00 PM

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"

zentz · 06-06-2004, 03:01 PM

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to call the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss, that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she said. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."

zentz · 06-06-2004, 03:02 PM

Donald Duck walked into a drugstore and asked for a packet of condoms.

"Certainly, sir," said the lady behind the counter. "Shall I put them on your bill?"

"No way!" replied Donald Duck. "What do you think I am, a dickhead?"

06-06-2004, 02:31 PM	#651
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement?" asked Julie. "Well," Sharon confirmed, "Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:31 PM	#652
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant. "My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "Here in the East we think breeding is everything." "Oh, I don't know," the lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:32 PM	#653
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Even KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new, year 2000 compliant, product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:33 PM	#654
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	(This refers to the show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire) After dinner Regis and his wife, Joy, retired to the bedroom. With high hopes, Regis asked Joy if she would like to make love. She replied with her usual, "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache." "Hmmmm," mused Regis, "is that your final answer?" "Yes, it is," replied Joy. Regis thought this over for a moment and then asked, "I'd like to phone a friend." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:33 PM	#655
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart. "I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly. "That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for Mr. Big." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:34 PM	#656
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends. The first said, "He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats." "Impressive." said the second young thing. "Well... yes." the first agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:34 PM	#657
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	There's a new toy on the market called the Billy doll. It's being advertised as the first openly gay doll for sale in America. And the doll is anatomically correct. Boy, that's gotta be driving Barbie nuts, don't ya think? Finally a male doll with something "down there," and he turns out to be gay. Isn't that every woman's nightmare? __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:35 PM	#658
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Jeff and Linda are parked in Lover's Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. "Awwwww Hell!" Jeff murmured, "Fuzz!" "What did ya expect?" Linda says, "A perm?" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:36 PM	#659
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Gomer Pyle is with his girlfriend Bunny and he says, "Bunny, can I put my finger in your belly button?" She answers, "Why Gomer, how forward, but I guess so." A few minutes pass and Bunny says in a surprised tone, "Why Gomer, that isn't my belly button!" Gomer answers exuberantly, "Sur----prise! Sur---prise!!!! That ain't my finger neither! Gollllllyyyyyy....... __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:36 PM	#660
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman, so he climbs on top of her. "Can I turn the light off?" he asks. "Why?" she replies. "Are you feeling a bit shy?" "No," he says. "Because it's burning my ass!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:37 PM	#661
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A Scottish man was taking a stroll down a country lane, where he meets up with a curious lady. She walks up to him and says, "They tell me that you people don't wear anything under those kilts." The Scotsman says, "Feel and see for yourself." So she did and says, "Oh, that's gruesome!" He says, "Try it again, it grew some more!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:38 PM	#662
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:38 PM	#663
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The clerk showed the fellow the store's most expensive perfume. "This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per ounce." "Listen," the fellow shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps; I want something called, "You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:39 PM	#664
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How many children do you have?" he asked. "Eighteen," the lady replied. "Lady," he gasped, "You're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:39 PM	#665
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of love making. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one. "I can't help feeling that we've met before," he said. "Yeah, I know," sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:40 PM	#666
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	"My, but you look different today Claudia," commented Rene to her coworker. "Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use - special curlers and some dramatic eye makeup?" "No!" replied Claudia. "My vibrator shorted out this morning." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:41 PM	#667
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The farmer's neglected wife steps behind the barn and sees the young hired hand taking a piss. She stares in disbelief at his huge apparatus and say, "Boy, I'd sure like to have some of THAT!" He says, "Well, you'd best run get you a cup. I'm 'bout through." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:42 PM	#668
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: "I got 12 inches over here you would love to have." The female response was: "Well, spit it out. It isn't yours!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:42 PM	#669
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring, then said, "But isn't having nine babies a little much?" "Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air." "Yes," said the priest. "Your legs!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:43 PM	#670
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The sex of a bee is hard to see But he can tell and so can she. The queen is quite a busy soul She has no time for birth control. And that is why in times like these, There are so many sons of bees. __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:43 PM	#671
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The spaceship crashed, but the two glowing Martians survived and set out to find a way home. They walked through the forests, through the fields and finally came into the city. They stopped at an intersection and began to shake and moan at the mere sight of a green light. Suddenly, the light turned from green to yellow and then to red. Turning to his traveling companion, one Martian said disgustedly, "Let's get out of here. If there's one thing I hate, it's a woman who's a tease." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:44 PM	#672
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she also had castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given a vicar a hair lip -- and there were still 5 shaves left! __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:45 PM	#673
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	There were two old ladies at a dance. One says, "Do you remember the minuet?" The other replies, "I can't even remember the ones I screwed." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:46 PM	#674
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer, and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway. "Lord," he pleaded, "Please let her be having an affair." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:46 PM	#675
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art." "You better get your canvas ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:47 PM	#676
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A guy goes running into a sex shop to return his blow-up doll. He says to the owner, "Excuse me, but I blew this doll up last night and straight away she went down on me. I want my $50 back." The owner says, "Hell, if I'd have known she was going to do that, I'd have charged you $75!" __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:47 PM	#677
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A guy and a girl are having sex when they both say that they are hungry and thirsty. It was freezing in the house so they have an argument over who should go get the food and drink. After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed. They both think for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine." So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:48 PM	#678
WWC-Moe B. Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 2,546	35 __________________ Moe B. [email protected] ICQ - 286024627 Now get full videos with Matching High Res Photos !!! " CONTENT PROVIDER OF THE YEAR! " ~ XBIZ 2007, 2008 and 2009 AWARDS WINNER New IP-TV Streaming Technology Feeds for Your Site ! www.WorldWideFeeds.com !!!

06-06-2004, 02:48 PM	#679
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	The two East Coast hookers decided to move to the West Coast and while driving through New Mexico they stopped at a little general store. Well, low and behold there were two older Indian women siting on the front porch and the four women started up a conversation. The one older Indian woman said, "Well I'm a Navajo and she is an Arapaho." One of the East Coast hookers said, "No Shit, Well, I'm a New York Ho and she is a Chicago Ho." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:49 PM	#680
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves." I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment. George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?" Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'." __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:49 PM	#681
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	This guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes. He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy. He kicks her in the face! __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:50 PM	#682
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	An ode to the cut that never heals. The more you touch it the better it feels. You can rub it and scrub it and brush it like hell. But you will never get rid of that damn cod fish smell. __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:52 PM	#683
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up. __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:52 PM	#684
zentz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 8,053	You know you've had a good blow job when... 1) You have to pull the sheets out of your butt when she is done. 2) Your pecker has the dry heaves for three days afterward. 3) The head of your pecker is twice the size of your balls. __________________ Programs that owe me money ---- Epassporte.com ~ $2700 \| Protraffic.com ~ $2600 \| XonDemand.com ~ $3000 Email: [email protected]

06-06-2004, 02:53 PM	#685
cornhusker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,374	47 __________________