Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian - GoFuckYourself.com

Fletch XXX · 08-19-2004, 10:25 AM

funny shit

http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

BRISK · 08-19-2004, 10:28 AM

Internet God · 08-19-2004, 10:31 AM

Nice!

Grammar Police · 08-19-2004, 10:32 AM

I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.

BRISK · 08-19-2004, 10:36 AM

#11 - If your GFY nick is "boobmaster"

TaDoW · 08-19-2004, 10:36 AM

Beautiful. Fucking Beautiful.

Paul Waters · 08-19-2004, 10:38 AM

I'd post the timeline, but this can never be said too often.

Nanda · 08-19-2004, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grammar Police
I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.

Fletch XXX · 08-19-2004, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grammar Police
I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.

would never happen.

here in california, cops live in cul de sacs and have their own communities.

the police are separated from civilian population here.

tony286 · 08-19-2004, 10:40 AM

very good stuff

Grammar Police · 08-19-2004, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fletch XXX
would never happen.

here in california, cops live in cul de sacs and have their own communities.

the police are separated from civilian population here.

I see why.

PerfectionGirls · 08-19-2004, 10:42 AM

beergood · 08-19-2004, 10:43 AM

You could also call that the top ten ways to know if you're a Moron as well.

Fletch XXX · 08-19-2004, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grammar Police
I see why.

cool you admit people like me have the police scared.

crockett · 08-19-2004, 10:44 AM

lol good stuff.. fucking hypocrites Christians are

dig420 · 08-19-2004, 10:44 AM

I remember when I was very young and searching for my identity I spent a brief time under the spell of a local fundamentalist church. I've always been the questioning type, and my biggest problem with my new religion was that a supposedly omnicient God would create people, or allow them to be created, that he already knew were going to burn in hell forever. This is such a cruel thing that I could not reconcile it with their image of a loving God. The preacher never had an answer for this question, but he did give me their mantra:

"You just have to have faith."

Their answer for any troubling part of their theology is that we can't know what's happening in the mind of God and that if it was easy to be a Christian then everyone would be one. So stop asking questions and just accept it, it doesn't have to make sense.

You cannot be a fundamentalist Christian and exercise your intelligence at the same time. The two disciplines are incompatible.

BRISK · 08-19-2004, 10:44 AM

Grammar Police · 08-19-2004, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fletch XXX
cool you admit people like me have the police scared.

Scared of a scrawny pothead? Probably not. How about because of your completely unreasonable hatred of anything you disagree with. Anyone who says pot doesn't affect your brain is wrong.

Manowar · 08-19-2004, 10:47 AM

so fucking funny and true, religion is a sham

Fletch XXX · 08-19-2004, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grammar Police
Scared of a scrawny pothead? Probably not. How about because of your completely unreasonable hatred of anything you disagree with. Anyone who says pot doesn't affect your brain is wrong.

do you realize how much of a joke you really are?

some wannabe called "Grammar Police" who goes around correcting typos on a message board.

oh my what an asset to the world.

go finger your ass idiot

smack · 08-19-2004, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fletch XXX

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

that never fails to amaze me. and i run into it all the time. I do enjoy systematically tearing their religion apart piece by piece for them though.

it's always amusign watching someone's world crumble before them.

but they never learn. you keep debunking, they keep right along wallowing in their blind faith and perpetual ignorance.

oh way, is the way of the world i suppose.

08-19-2004, 10:28 AM	#2
BRISK Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 12,240	__________________ I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do, I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

08-19-2004, 10:36 AM	#5
BRISK Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 12,240	#11 - If your GFY nick is "boobmaster" __________________ I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do, I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

08-19-2004, 10:36 AM	#6
TaDoW Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Where It Rains Posts: 3,875	Beautiful. Fucking Beautiful. __________________ -TaDoW I've Upped My Standards, Up Yours!

08-19-2004, 10:38 AM	#7
Paul Waters Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 4,402	I'd post the timeline, but this can never be said too often. __________________ Paul

08-19-2004, 10:42 AM	#12
PerfectionGirls Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: MI Posts: 4,484	__________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

08-19-2004, 10:25 AM	#1
Fletch XXX GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: that 504 Posts: 60,840	Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian funny shit http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. 7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees! 6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. 4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving." 3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity. 2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian. __________________ Want an Android App for your tube, membership, or free site? Need banners or promo material? Hit us up (ICQ Fletch: 148841377) or email me fletchxxx at gmail.com - recent work - About me

08-19-2004, 10:31 AM	#3
Internet God So Fucking Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: RockStar Land, US Posts: 182	Nice!

08-19-2004, 10:32 AM	#4
Grammar Police So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 727	I would love to see your reaction if a Christian cop moved in next door to you.

08-19-2004, 10:40 AM	#10
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	very good stuff

08-19-2004, 10:43 AM	#13
beergood Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: United States Posts: 2,918	You could also call that the top ten ways to know if you're a Moron as well.

08-19-2004, 10:44 AM	#15
crockett in a van by the river Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 76,806	lol good stuff.. fucking hypocrites Christians are __________________ In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

08-19-2004, 10:44 AM	#16
dig420 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 9,240	I remember when I was very young and searching for my identity I spent a brief time under the spell of a local fundamentalist church. I've always been the questioning type, and my biggest problem with my new religion was that a supposedly omnicient God would create people, or allow them to be created, that he already knew were going to burn in hell forever. This is such a cruel thing that I could not reconcile it with their image of a loving God. The preacher never had an answer for this question, but he did give me their mantra: "You just have to have faith." Their answer for any troubling part of their theology is that we can't know what's happening in the mind of God and that if it was easy to be a Christian then everyone would be one. So stop asking questions and just accept it, it doesn't have to make sense. You cannot be a fundamentalist Christian and exercise your intelligence at the same time. The two disciplines are incompatible.

08-19-2004, 10:47 AM	#19
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	so fucking funny and true, religion is a sham