Why Ask Why So Funny You'll Puke - GoFuckYourself.com

xxxmaster · 01-06-2005, 08:09 AM

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why do noses run and feet smell?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

MandyBlake · 01-06-2005, 08:24 AM

those are funny.
i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol

xxxmaster · 01-06-2005, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MandyBlake

those are funny.
i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol

i do it too, i thought that as well when i read it...

Mefo · 01-06-2005, 08:32 AM

haha there are some real cool ones in there

mardigras · 01-06-2005, 08:38 AM

Sounds like a Steven Wright routine

sean416 · 01-06-2005, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxxmaster

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

those ones are funny, the rest are lame or I've heard em a million times.

Triple 6 · 01-06-2005, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mardigras

Sounds like a Steven Wright routine

funniest guy evar..

'the man on the couch'

:P

BitterPen · 01-06-2005, 08:59 AM

Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.

Quote:

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??

KRosh · 01-06-2005, 09:26 AM

some of steven wright's work

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is

one of my long time favorites)

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

xxxmaster · 01-06-2005, 09:28 AM

well what would happen? ever wonder?

sean416 · 01-06-2005, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BitterPen

Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.

What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??

I dont get that either

The Bootyologist · 01-06-2005, 09:31 AM

everyone turns their volume down in traffic and when lost. you cant think with all that noise ;)

nick3131 · 01-06-2005, 09:32 AM

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

HAHA i like that one, cause i have no consience

DEA - banned for life · 01-06-2005, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sean416

those ones are funny, the rest are lame or I've heard em a million times.

you heard them before therefore there not worth posting?...idiot

sickkittens · 01-06-2005, 09:34 AM

I guESS I'm not as easy amused as others.

fusionx · 01-06-2005, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BitterPen

Ok... Is it just me or is this one a little too fucked up to understand??? I don't get it.

What is this getting at?? What does it mean?? Anyone get it??

Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.

I can picture the quantum forces of the universe ripping the cat in half as it falls. But that's just me

sickkittens · 01-06-2005, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fusionx

Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.

I can picture the quantum forces of the universe ripping the cat in half as it falls. But that's just me

Na, the cat woul djust keep flipping back and forth like a fish.

Paco, of Large Cash. · 01-06-2005, 09:42 AM

Lol ... I almost pee'd in my pantaloons.

Tuga · 01-06-2005, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MandyBlake

those are funny.
i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol

You shouldnt, there's nothing wrong with it.

xxxmaster · 01-06-2005, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fusionx

Conventional wisdom states that cats always land on their feet, and buttered bread always falls buttered-side down.

i never herd the bread thing before now i get it....... dah..... lol

01-06-2005, 08:09 AM	#1
xxxmaster Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Hard Link Trades Always Wanted Icq: 319323350 Posts: 1,155	Why Ask Why So Funny You'll Puke Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why do noses run and feet smell? Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

01-06-2005, 08:24 AM	#2
MandyBlake The one and only! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 17,761	those are funny. i do that last one...now i feel like a jerk. lol __________________ Mandy's Playhouse Her First Fat Girl If you're interested in promoting my sites, ICQ me! 178411921

01-06-2005, 08:32 AM	#4
Mefo Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 6,169	haha there are some real cool ones in there __________________

01-06-2005, 08:38 AM	#5
mardigras Bon temps! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: down yonder Posts: 14,194	Sounds like a Steven Wright routine __________________ .

01-06-2005, 09:32 AM	#13
nick3131 Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 1,186	A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. HAHA i like that one, cause i have no consience __________________ Signed nick3131

01-06-2005, 09:26 AM	#9
KRosh So Fucking Outlawed Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 5,114	some of steven wright's work All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is one of my long time favorites) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines. A fool and his money are soon partying. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are below average. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

01-06-2005, 09:28 AM	#10
xxxmaster Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Hard Link Trades Always Wanted Icq: 319323350 Posts: 1,155	well what would happen? ever wonder?

01-06-2005, 09:31 AM	#12
The Bootyologist So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: m00dville Posts: 2,912	everyone turns their volume down in traffic and when lost. you cant think with all that noise ;)

01-06-2005, 09:34 AM	#15
sickkittens I am a meat popsicle. Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,100	I guESS I'm not as easy amused as others. __________________ HIGHEST PAYOUTS FOR NO-CONSOLE TOURS IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY! THIS SIG CAN BE YOURS FOR $200 - ICQ: 78881543

01-06-2005, 09:42 AM	#18
Paco, of Large Cash. Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: --> . <-- Posts: 2,267	Lol ... I almost pee'd in my pantaloons.