FBI Top 12 Deaths - GoFuckYourself.com

TTiger · 05-14-2005, 01:36 PM

MD rates 11 for effectiveness and 12 for originality.

FBI top12 deaths of the year! Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36, 000 Serious Crimes including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year.

1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

2. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3. Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her fathers coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later.

4. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with a double-barreled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends') father had given it to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

5. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6. Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! . The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers stated in his report.

7. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

8. Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor.Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

9. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two timing wife by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was heard by several persons some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road.

10. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5, 000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

11. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read Death to all hahahahahahas! on one side, and God Loves the KKK. On the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

12. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the spree, have puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process

Sarma · 05-14-2005, 01:38 PM

Where's 2Pac on that list?

Babagirls · 05-14-2005, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarma

Where's 2Pac on that list?

and biggies too. both are unsolved.

Babagirls · 05-14-2005, 01:44 PM

those have to fake...come onnnnnnn

kmanrox · 05-14-2005, 01:45 PM

i googled this and these stories were only listed on Joke sites so far as i can see

Sarma · 05-14-2005, 01:55 PM

on joke sites? lol, busted

Doctor Dre · 05-14-2005, 01:57 PM

i doubt any of thoses are true ... the FBI wouldn't release a such thing

Elli · 05-14-2005, 02:01 PM

Yeah those are a little far fetched. Especially the shooting range one.

Nightraven · 05-14-2005, 02:13 PM

.. and to spoil it, the one with explosives in the car.. It wouldn't leave such a deep crater unless it is being directed. Mounting it in a car would just give one hell of a boom

Manowar · 05-14-2005, 02:16 PM

Those are insane

BRISK · 05-14-2005, 02:17 PM

Everything posted on the internet is real and true.

TTiger · 05-14-2005, 02:17 PM

Judas_Hansen · 05-14-2005, 02:25 PM

ssooo ffakkkkkeee

Judas_Hansen · 05-14-2005, 02:27 PM

Its like Krystal Steels tits - they are not real, but still great

Dalai lama · 05-14-2005, 02:36 PM

Bull-shit

05-14-2005, 02:48 PM

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.htm

bluedevil · 05-14-2005, 03:11 PM

1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

:D

dunefield · 05-14-2005, 05:23 PM

even though fake... great read...

boner 2.0 · 05-14-2005, 05:29 PM

fucked up lol

juve20 · 05-14-2005, 05:38 PM

joke site! did anyone else find this funny??

tony

johnnyhey · 05-14-2005, 05:49 PM

total bullshit, (what else would i expect here though?)

KMR Stitch · 05-14-2005, 05:53 PM

FAKE Not even Darwin awards are this good.

GatorB · 05-14-2005, 06:49 PM

Fake. All of those would have made the news.

Furious_Female · 05-14-2005, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTiger

14 kilometers

Probably written by someone outside of the US, not the FBI

r3ap3r · 05-14-2005, 07:19 PM

Those are hilarious.

05-14-2005, 01:36 PM	#1
TTiger Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: quebec, canada Posts: 3,030	FBI Top 12 Deaths MD rates 11 for effectiveness and 12 for originality. FBI top12 deaths of the year! Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36, 000 Serious Crimes including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year. 1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding. 2. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake. 3. Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her fathers coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later. 4. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with a double-barreled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends') father had given it to her an hour before the date started, just in case. 5. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent. 6. Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo! . The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers stated in his report. 7. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial. 8. Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor.Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up. 9. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two timing wife by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was heard by several persons some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road. 10. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5, 000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway. 11. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read Death to all hahahahahahas! on one side, and God Loves the KKK. On the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased. 12. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, Sorry for the spree, have puff on me, Brian. Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process __________________

05-14-2005, 01:38 PM	#2
Sarma Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Europe Posts: 715	Where's 2Pac on that list? __________________ I make up to $175 per sale, how about you? -> MoreNiche.com

05-14-2005, 01:44 PM	#4
Babagirls Text Writer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 18,812	those have to fake...come onnnnnnn __________________ Need a Text Writer? Blogs\|Reviews\|Descriptions\|Paysites\|TGP's\|Stories ICQ: 397892500

05-14-2005, 01:45 PM	#5
kmanrox aka K-Man Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: The Gutter Posts: 29,292	i googled this and these stories were only listed on Joke sites so far as i can see __________________ Crypto HODLr Crypto mining Angel investor

05-14-2005, 01:55 PM	#6
Sarma Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Europe Posts: 715	on joke sites? lol, busted __________________ I make up to $175 per sale, how about you? -> MoreNiche.com

05-14-2005, 02:01 PM	#8
Elli Reach for those stars! Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 17,991	Yeah those are a little far fetched. Especially the shooting range one. __________________ email: [email protected]

05-14-2005, 02:13 PM	#9
Nightraven Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Denmark Posts: 314	.. and to spoil it, the one with explosives in the car.. It wouldn't leave such a deep crater unless it is being directed. Mounting it in a car would just give one hell of a boom __________________ The Bondage Blog --> Fetish-gals.com/blogger.html

05-14-2005, 02:16 PM	#10
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	Those are insane

05-14-2005, 02:17 PM	#11
BRISK Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 12,240	Everything posted on the internet is real and true. __________________ I post on GFY so that when people ask me what I do, I can tell them that I work with the mentally retarded.

05-14-2005, 02:17 PM	#12
TTiger Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: quebec, canada Posts: 3,030	__________________

05-14-2005, 02:25 PM	#13
Judas_Hansen Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Denmark / Hellerup Posts: 520	ssooo ffakkkkkeee __________________ \| EUROPEAN HOSTING = FORGET 2257 \| IcQ 300-894038 \| anti-SPYWARE \|

05-14-2005, 02:27 PM	#14
Judas_Hansen Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Denmark / Hellerup Posts: 520	Its like Krystal Steels tits - they are not real, but still great __________________ \| EUROPEAN HOSTING = FORGET 2257 \| IcQ 300-894038 \| anti-SPYWARE \|

05-14-2005, 02:36 PM	#15
Dalai lama Strength and Honor Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Europe Posts: 16,540	Bull-shit __________________ A program you can trust. Gallerybooster Run multiply TGPs of 1 script

05-14-2005, 02:48 PM	#16
evildick Guest Posts: n/a	http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.htm

05-14-2005, 03:11 PM	#17
bluedevil Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: USA Posts: 2,093	1. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding. :D __________________ My top money maker

05-14-2005, 05:23 PM	#18
dunefield www.barely18movies.com Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 10,920	even though fake... great read... __________________

05-14-2005, 05:29 PM	#19
boner 2.0 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 10,970	fucked up lol __________________ Last edited by boner 2.0; 05-14-2005 at 05:32 PM..

05-14-2005, 05:38 PM	#20
juve20 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: uk Posts: 2,542	joke site! did anyone else find this funny?? tony __________________ Monetize your site with AdBrite! Monetize your site with AdBrite!

05-14-2005, 05:49 PM	#21
johnnyhey Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: los angeles Posts: 1,172	total bullshit, (what else would i expect here though?) __________________ CandyDreams.com shooter for hire info[at]candydreams.com ICQ:96563638 AIM: johnnyhey

05-14-2005, 05:53 PM	#22
KMR Stitch I am cool Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 14,494	FAKE Not even Darwin awards are this good.

05-14-2005, 06:49 PM	#23
GatorB The Demon & 12clicks Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: SallyRand is a FAGGOT Posts: 18,208	Fake. All of those would have made the news.

05-14-2005, 07:19 PM	#25
r3ap3r Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 3,535	Those are hilarious. __________________ Fuck My Sig Good ICQ - 203744959