Fred Quimby

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards

are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the

glorious winners.



2005 Darwin Award Winners:



1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James

Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the

barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now,

the honorable mentions:



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a

finger. The chef's claim was approved.



3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman

had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his

incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered

everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers

to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very

excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't

discovered for 3 days.



5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying

to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was

hit.



6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,

the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which

the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and

fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he

got from the drawer. $15 (If someone points a gun at you and gives you

money, is a crime committed?)



7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and

carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,



"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone

was silent. Then the shahahahahahas started. The security guard completely

lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because

he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired

before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In

memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall

engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a FUCK-up!

"



8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab

some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over

his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the

would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store

window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.



9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the

woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in

the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of

the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,

"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."



10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered

onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

man, frustrated, walked away.



A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!



11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor

home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into

the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever

had.

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sniperwolf

wtf.. those are some serious events...insanely funny shit..lol

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~Accepting design works~