SNOW

The Darwin Awards! Unbelievable, but true. Worth
taking a break.

The Darwin Awards are given each year to bestow upon
(the remains of)
an
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,
has done the most
to
remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

The winners for 2001....


5th RUNNER-UP

Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he
hit a lift tower
at
the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
slope on a foam
pad. The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central
Mammoth
Hospital. The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County
Sheriff's department
said.

Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
run called Stump
Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The
pads are used to
protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the
pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a
tower. It has since
been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the
one with its pad
removed.

4th RUNNER-UP

Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being
disorderly in a St.
Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,
Puelo grabbed a
hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without
paying. Police
found
him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
death.

3rd RUNNER-UP

Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
stag standing above
him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP

"Man loses face at party."

A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to
the winner last
year, a
man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the
fuse in his
pickup
truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit
down, triggering an
explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue.

Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
as a prank during
the
party late Tuesday night, said Cpl., MD. "Another man
had it in an
aquarium
hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It
wouldn't go off
and
this guy said I'll show you how to set it off. He put
it into his
mouth, bit
down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and
tongue off," Payne
said.

Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday
with extensive
facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
Area Medical
Division.
"I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP

Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through
the
skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon
from
the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
last weekend during
an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous in Grant's
Pass,
Oregon.

A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
the arrow entered
Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow
gone 1 millimeter
to the
left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and
Roberts would have
died
instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the
University
Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
brain with the
tip
protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
managed to miss all
major
blood vessels.

Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the
arrow out on his
own he
surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards that he
and his
friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said
Roberts, "I feel so
dumb
about this." No charges have been filed, but the
Josephine County
district
attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
investigation.
[No
surprise that it missed functioning brain tissue.]

Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.

(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late)
Sal Hawkins, of the
great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the
George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
(but having had 18
beers
between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop"
over the nine
foot fen
ce and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup
truck over to the
fence
and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr.
Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend
over.

Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a
30-foot drop on
the
other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over,
he found himself
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted
(and broken,
along with
his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling
from the
tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some
bushes below him.

Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he
removed his
pocketknife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself
from the tree.
Finally
free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The
sharp leaves
scratched his
ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his
shorts, a holly
branch
penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on
landing his
pocketknife
penetrated his thigh.

Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain
and agony, threw
him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope
to the pickup
truck
and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken
state, he put the
truck
into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on
his friend and
killing
him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown
100
feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive
internal
injuries.

Upon moving the truck, they found John under it
half-naked, scratches
on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his
thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win...

Runner-up category:

1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with
milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and
fire burned his
house
down, killing both him and his sister.

2. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after
he tried to use
octopus
straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax County
police
said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps
together,
wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end
to the trestle
at Lake
Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia
was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of the cord that
he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the
trestle and the
ground,"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of
death was "major
trauma."

3. A Jacksonville, Florida woman recently had to
summon emergency help
after
dragging her husband down the street behind their
pickup truck. Chief
Petty
Officer Roman Styles, US Coast Guard Station
Jacksonville, was treated
and
released with a slight concussion and scrapes and
bruises.

It seems that Styles decided to repair damaged
shingles on his house
himself,
instead of paying a contractor to do it for him.
Prior to climbing up
on his
steep roof, Officer Styles tied a safety rope to the
trailer hitch of
his
truck. Once on the peak of his roof he secured the
other end of the
line
around his waist. He then slid over the top of the
roof to repair the
shingles.

As luck would have it, right after he started to work,
his teenage son
called
for a ride home from a Boy Scout trip. Jane Styles
yelled to her
husband
she'd be right back and pulled away.

"I didn't see the rope," Mrs. Styles said, "until I
saw it in the
rearview
mirror. By then I was halfway down the street." Bill
Schlimm, a next
door
neighbor, said, "I'll never forget the look on Roman's
face as he came
sailing over the peak of that house. If it hadn't
been for that tall
cedar
tree he would have been really hurt."

dirtymonkey

Darwin fucking rocks - survival of the fittest !

SNOW

I don't think 18 beers would even allow me to think about Metallica LOL

Jakke PNG

After 18 beers one is still quite sober. When I was 18 I drank 24 export beers, 5,2%, and a bottle of wine.. I was pretty fooked.

__________________
..and I'm off.

Gemini

This just goes to show that some of the bulldogs ancestors relocated to this side of the ocean eh?

Joe Blow

Why are these fuckwits all Americans....?

__________________
Joe Blow
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the bulldog

yes..yawn yawn its getting old
Seems like the Crazy old cat lady is stalking me again?

Youve got your own mental issues to take care of, crackpot..

Gemini

I'll take being a crackpot ANY day over being a mental midget ahole punk.

the bulldog

time to deploy the ninja from technical support
i guess he Has a jet pack too so he Can fly around the world fixing Computer problems whilst fighting evil your so full of shit