Things not to do during sex - GoFuckYourself.com

munki · 03-07-2006, 03:27 AM

Things to not do during sex -

1. Break into "We are the Champions" upon reaching orgasm

2. Break into farm animal noises upon reaching orgasm

3. Utter all sexual exclamations in yiddish

4. Say you want to get into something a little more comfortable leave the room, come back dressed as -
a) a pilgrim
b) an astronaut
C) your mother (really funny if ur a guy)
d) the hamburglar
e) Mr. Rogers

5. During oral sex, mutter under your breath, "uh, oh......that can't be good."

6. During intercourse passionately shout out
a.) other names
b.) Muppets
c.) Barney songs
d.) all the members of the Angels team

7. Already be wearing a condom prior to disrobing.

8.three words: Condom balloon animals

9. Explain that you cannot perform sexually unless witnessed by Tom Selleck. Unveil giant picture.

10. insert William Shatner for Tom Selleck.

11.Calmly hand him/her goggles and bag of warm spinach. Say matter-of-factly. "All right. let's get started."

12. Yodel

13. add sensual foods to increase pleasure
a.) Sushi
b.) Sushi chef
c.) bagle and lox
d.) cheeseburgers
e.) broccoli
f.) cottage cheese

14. After sex remove condom and ask where she keeps the recycling bin.

15. Hum "Ballad of the Green Berets," gradually get louder as activity becomes more intense.

16. Scream out "Am I good child Mr. Priest"

17. Surround room with G.I. Joe action figures

18. take notes during all actions

19. Conduct play-by-play commentary in the voice and style of Howard Cosell

More Things not to do during sex ?

20. Stage Dive

21. Starting the wave

22. Mood Lighting ? Bright Spot light

23. Mood music ?

a)The muchkin song from Wizard of Oz

b) Leonard Nimoy's album

c) Shatner's

d) Darth Vader's imperial walk

24. More Sensual foods ?

a) Ludifisk

b) Mayonnaise (with cherries)

c) Coffee grounds

d) Ham (ofcourse in some instances)

e) Ham and fudge

25. Raising the roof

26. Pull out frozen fish sticks and stick them at either end of the bed. Scold them through out for not paying attention.

27. After he/she disrobes jump out of an available window screaming "There is no God"

28. Using Rogain as massaging oil

29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant

30. Narrate actions like Adam West

31. Wear Acid Wash Jeans

32. Provide Resume, Cover letter

33. Also include salary history and reference list

34. Wear a monocle

35. Post a huge picture of their mother on ceiling

36. Wear gloves

37. Erect a Candle Lit Shrine to Gary Coleman ? call him "The Messiah"

38. Substitute Mini Me (racist)

39. Demand payment for your pimp ? Mr. T

40. Air Guitar

41. Air Trombone

42. Scratch and Sniff

43. Locations ? treadmills

44. Wear swim Goggles

45. Wear a name tag

46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"

47. Use Twinkie wrapper as a condom

48. Give a Eulogy

49. Cry Histerically

reynold · 03-07-2006, 04:15 AM

.................or better yet.............................don't have sex at all

AdPatron · 03-07-2006, 04:19 AM

When I fart, it smells.

Michaelious · 03-07-2006, 04:24 AM

That has to be one of the best things i have read here for ages

je_rome · 03-07-2006, 04:27 AM

funny list... is that mandatory?

chaze · 03-07-2006, 04:29 AM

wow that's one hell of a post.

Funny though

everestcash · 03-07-2006, 04:39 AM

heh funny

Violetta · 03-07-2006, 04:54 AM

hehe... nice list!

Jakke PNG · 03-07-2006, 04:58 AM

Well, that sucked.
Besides..wtf is wrong with dressing up as the hamburglar during sex?

reed_4 · 03-07-2006, 05:00 AM

long and funny list.

Teodora · 03-07-2006, 05:04 AM

That's a detailed list! Very funny

munki · 03-07-2006, 05:11 AM

I had to finally give up my monacle after my friend gave this list to me.

u-Bob · 03-07-2006, 05:12 AM

29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant

gecko · 03-07-2006, 09:22 AM

lol.. great list

Nylz · 03-07-2006, 09:27 AM

46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"

Platinum Mike · 03-07-2006, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeenGodFather

Well, that sucked.
Besides..wtf is wrong with dressing up as the hamburglar during sex?

Hahahaha!
Personally I prefer Grimace.

munki · 03-07-2006, 07:08 PM

Bump for the day crew

tristan_D · 03-07-2006, 07:43 PM

for all you know, one of those can turn a normal sex into the most unforgettable moment

Vitasoy · 03-07-2006, 11:28 PM

Some of those are great.

03-07-2006, 03:27 AM	#1
munki Do Fun Shit. Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: OC Posts: 13,393	Things not to do during sex Things to not do during sex - 1. Break into "We are the Champions" upon reaching orgasm 2. Break into farm animal noises upon reaching orgasm 3. Utter all sexual exclamations in yiddish 4. Say you want to get into something a little more comfortable leave the room, come back dressed as - a) a pilgrim b) an astronaut C) your mother (really funny if ur a guy) d) the hamburglar e) Mr. Rogers 5. During oral sex, mutter under your breath, "uh, oh......that can't be good." 6. During intercourse passionately shout out a.) other names b.) Muppets c.) Barney songs d.) all the members of the Angels team 7. Already be wearing a condom prior to disrobing. 8.three words: Condom balloon animals 9. Explain that you cannot perform sexually unless witnessed by Tom Selleck. Unveil giant picture. 10. insert William Shatner for Tom Selleck. 11.Calmly hand him/her goggles and bag of warm spinach. Say matter-of-factly. "All right. let's get started." 12. Yodel 13. add sensual foods to increase pleasure a.) Sushi b.) Sushi chef c.) bagle and lox d.) cheeseburgers e.) broccoli f.) cottage cheese 14. After sex remove condom and ask where she keeps the recycling bin. 15. Hum "Ballad of the Green Berets," gradually get louder as activity becomes more intense. 16. Scream out "Am I good child Mr. Priest" 17. Surround room with G.I. Joe action figures 18. take notes during all actions 19. Conduct play-by-play commentary in the voice and style of Howard Cosell More Things not to do during sex ? 20. Stage Dive 21. Starting the wave 22. Mood Lighting ? Bright Spot light 23. Mood music ? a)The muchkin song from Wizard of Oz b) Leonard Nimoy's album c) Shatner's d) Darth Vader's imperial walk 24. More Sensual foods ? a) Ludifisk b) Mayonnaise (with cherries) c) Coffee grounds d) Ham (ofcourse in some instances) e) Ham and fudge 25. Raising the roof 26. Pull out frozen fish sticks and stick them at either end of the bed. Scold them through out for not paying attention. 27. After he/she disrobes jump out of an available window screaming "There is no God" 28. Using Rogain as massaging oil 29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant 30. Narrate actions like Adam West 31. Wear Acid Wash Jeans 32. Provide Resume, Cover letter 33. Also include salary history and reference list 34. Wear a monocle 35. Post a huge picture of their mother on ceiling 36. Wear gloves 37. Erect a Candle Lit Shrine to Gary Coleman ? call him "The Messiah" 38. Substitute Mini Me (racist) 39. Demand payment for your pimp ? Mr. T 40. Air Guitar 41. Air Trombone 42. Scratch and Sniff 43. Locations ? treadmills 44. Wear swim Goggles 45. Wear a name tag 46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah" 47. Use Twinkie wrapper as a condom 48. Give a Eulogy 49. Cry Histerically __________________ “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” -Oscar Wilde

03-07-2006, 04:24 AM	#4
Michaelious Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Scotland Posts: 6,720	That has to be one of the best things i have read here for ages __________________

03-07-2006, 04:27 AM	#5
je_rome Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,846	funny list... is that mandatory? __________________ Make money on any traffic. Join KlikRevenue.com Today!

03-07-2006, 04:39 AM	#7
everestcash Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 2,194	heh funny __________________ Got solo girls/teen traffic? Promote our exclusive solo girl sites and boost your income!

03-07-2006, 04:54 AM	#8
Violetta Affiliate Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 28,735	hehe... nice list! __________________ M&A Queen

03-07-2006, 04:15 AM	#2
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	.................or better yet.............................don't have sex at all

03-07-2006, 04:19 AM	#3
AdPatron No commissions, no fees. Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: USA Posts: 17,706	When I fart, it smells.

03-07-2006, 04:29 AM	#6
chaze Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 9,752	wow that's one hell of a post. Funny though

03-07-2006, 04:58 AM	#9
Jakke PNG ex-TeenGodFather Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Suomi Finland Perkele Posts: 20,306	Well, that sucked. Besides..wtf is wrong with dressing up as the hamburglar during sex? __________________ ..and I'm off.

03-07-2006, 05:00 AM	#10
reed_4 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 9,640	long and funny list. __________________

03-07-2006, 05:04 AM	#11
Teodora Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Hungary Posts: 471	That's a detailed list! Very funny __________________ LIVE SEX AWARDS MAY 24-25, 2006 THE LARGEST WEBMASTER AND PERFORMER PRIZES EVER AWARDED - $100,000.00

03-07-2006, 05:11 AM	#12
munki Do Fun Shit. Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: OC Posts: 13,393	I had to finally give up my monacle after my friend gave this list to me. __________________ “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” -Oscar Wilde

03-07-2006, 05:12 AM	#13
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant

03-07-2006, 09:22 AM	#14
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	lol.. great list __________________ [email protected]

03-07-2006, 09:27 AM	#15
Nylz Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Rotterdam Posts: 8,285	46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah" __________________ No sig.

03-07-2006, 07:08 PM	#17
munki Do Fun Shit. Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: OC Posts: 13,393	Bump for the day crew __________________ “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” -Oscar Wilde

03-07-2006, 07:43 PM	#18
tristan_D Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 7,865	for all you know, one of those can turn a normal sex into the most unforgettable moment __________________ Increase your sales. Up to $4 per click.

03-07-2006, 11:28 PM	#19
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	Some of those are great. __________________ [email protected]