Ass hair...do you shave it? no? don't start.... - GoFuckYourself.com

Oracle Porn · 03-26-2007, 02:39 AM

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

Oracle Porn · 03-26-2007, 02:42 AM

ok it's not really my story, I found it and thought it would be funny

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html

Dirty Dane · 03-26-2007, 02:48 AM

Oracle Porn · 03-26-2007, 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirty Dane

please don't post your family pics...

Dirty Dane · 03-26-2007, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oracle Porn

please don't post your family pics...

Whats wrong with my dads? They look good

TBrown · 03-26-2007, 03:01 AM

good story even it's not true

calibra · 03-26-2007, 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirty Dane

lalika · 03-26-2007, 04:06 AM

i wish i didnt have to view GFY

bobby666 · 03-26-2007, 05:20 AM

wrong thread for me :-(

DarkJedi · 03-26-2007, 05:35 AM

Hey idiot, 2002 called.

They want their thread back.

http://www.gfy.com/fucking-around-and-business-discussion/76370-hairy-ass-story.html

ServerGenius · 03-26-2007, 05:35 AM

So true from what I've heard.....

Angelo22 · 03-26-2007, 06:10 AM

Good thing i never shaved them

quantum-x · 03-26-2007, 06:25 AM

Classic post from years ago.
Veracity arguble.

shoeaholicanon · 03-26-2007, 06:26 AM

LOL. I definately didnt need that much detail :S

Dirty Dane · 03-26-2007, 06:34 AM

Hey man... it hurts like hell !!

CDSmith · 03-26-2007, 06:38 AM

LMAO @ "grogans"

Onixia · 03-26-2007, 06:54 AM

lol ;)

Amadora · 03-26-2007, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelo22

Good thing i never shaved them

Even had no intention.

JayDeeZee · 03-26-2007, 07:46 AM

Ahahaha...Good story

sortie · 03-26-2007, 08:05 AM

Nicky · 03-26-2007, 08:50 AM

Ohh shit, litterally

NinjaSteve · 03-26-2007, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oracle Porn

please don't post your family pics...

LOL!

BigPinPin · 03-26-2007, 09:28 AM

...thread of the year

:D

jacked · 03-26-2007, 09:36 AM

dingleberries rule

Jman · 03-26-2007, 10:07 AM

Wax that fucker out

aico · 03-26-2007, 10:11 AM

use the bodygroomer, works great.

princess · 03-26-2007, 10:20 AM

OMG! I laughed my ass off reading that. To the point I was crying..

Pumba · 03-26-2007, 10:21 AM

Thanks for the lesson.

jakethedog · 03-26-2007, 10:22 AM

my ass ..your face .. whats the difference .. ?

Matt 26z · 03-26-2007, 10:33 AM

Shave it. It'll feel so much better when you've got a cock rubbing around back there.

03-26-2007, 02:39 AM	#1
Oracle Porn Affiliate Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Icq: 94-399-723 Posts: 24,433	Ass hair...do you shave it? no? don't start.... Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! __________________

03-26-2007, 02:42 AM	#2
Oracle Porn Affiliate Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Icq: 94-399-723 Posts: 24,433	ok it's not really my story, I found it and thought it would be funny http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html __________________

03-26-2007, 03:01 AM	#6
TBrown Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,519	good story even it's not true __________________ mcbrown

03-26-2007, 04:06 AM	#8
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03-26-2007, 05:20 AM	#9
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03-26-2007, 02:48 AM	#3
Dirty Dane Sick Fuck Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: www Posts: 9,491

03-26-2007, 05:35 AM	#10
DarkJedi No Refunds Issued. Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: GFY Posts: 28,300	Hey idiot, 2002 called. They want their thread back. http://www.gfy.com/fucking-around-and-business-discussion/76370-hairy-ass-story.html

03-26-2007, 05:35 AM	#11
ServerGenius Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 9,377	So true from what I've heard..... __________________ \| http://www.sinnerscash.com/ \| ICQ: 370820 \| Skype: SinnersCash \| AdultWhosWho \|

03-26-2007, 06:10 AM	#12
Angelo22 Writer Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 3,123	Good thing i never shaved them __________________ MAKE MORE MONEY FROM YOUR WEB TRAFFIC - 15% BONUS And contact me if you need high quality translating and writing work done - angelo22 (AT) gmail (DOT) com

03-26-2007, 06:25 AM	#13
quantum-x Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: ICQ: 251425 Fr/Au/Ca Posts: 6,863	Classic post from years ago. Veracity arguble.

03-26-2007, 06:26 AM	#14
shoeaholicanon Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,003	LOL. I definately didnt need that much detail :S

03-26-2007, 06:34 AM	#15
Dirty Dane Sick Fuck Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: www Posts: 9,491	Hey man... it hurts like hell !!

03-26-2007, 06:38 AM	#16
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	LMAO @ "grogans" __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

03-26-2007, 06:54 AM	#17
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03-26-2007, 07:46 AM	#19
JayDeeZee Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,595	Ahahaha...Good story __________________

03-26-2007, 08:05 AM	#20
sortie Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,771

03-26-2007, 08:50 AM	#21
Nicky Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Sweden Posts: 30,069	Ohh shit, litterally __________________ gfynicky @ gmail.com

03-26-2007, 09:28 AM	#23
BigPinPin Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: Spain Posts: 894	...thread of the year :D

03-26-2007, 09:36 AM	#24
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03-26-2007, 10:07 AM	#25
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03-26-2007, 10:11 AM	#26
aico Moo Moo Cow Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 14,748	use the bodygroomer, works great.

03-26-2007, 10:20 AM	#27
princess Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Ringgold, Georgia Posts: 1,939	OMG! I laughed my ass off reading that. To the point I was crying.. __________________ HUGS! Marsha

03-26-2007, 10:21 AM	#28
Pumba Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Cloudbase Posts: 1,094	Thanks for the lesson.

03-26-2007, 10:22 AM	#29
jakethedog Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Vancouver B.C. Posts: 2,497	my ass ..your face .. whats the difference .. ? __________________ No sig .. just me

03-26-2007, 10:33 AM	#30
Matt 26z So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: ¤ª"˜¨๑۩۞۩๑¨˜"ª¤ Posts: 18,481	Shave it. It'll feel so much better when you've got a cock rubbing around back there.