hairy ass story - GoFuckYourself.com

dikkechill · 09-10-2002, 07:15 AM

For anyone thinking of shaving their arse hair! This is a great story

hehe

A timely piece of life-advice - By a random bloke
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story that
you
may
learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having
trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks.
It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with haha lollig

some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required
careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK.

"There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a > newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant
sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation.
I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

cya
Dikkechill

Ted · 09-10-2002, 07:24 AM

phew - I'm sorta glad in a fucked up way that I read that

dikkechill · 09-10-2002, 07:45 AM

Nice that this persons mistakes saves your day

cya
Dikkechill

Stealthy · 09-10-2002, 08:13 AM

Heheheheheh...

So THAAATS why male porn stars walk so funny!

beerbust03 · 09-10-2002, 08:45 AM

Damn. Thanks for that Forensic Description.

Note: When shaving your ass hair use shaving cream meant for girls and use a lot of it, and apply vaseline only after done to the area after done shaving. This will help with itching and the other stuff you mentioned. It's seems like you did a dry shave which is so awful and causes nasty ingrown hairs. Oh gosh! I feel for you!!! But seriously you can't just shave like your shaving your beard or mustache, you have to be gentle to that sensitive area.

Gary · 09-10-2002, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by beerbust03
Damn. Thanks for that Forensic Description.

Note: When shaving your ass hair use shaving cream meant for girls and use a lot of it, and apply vaseline only after done to the area after done shaving. This will help with itching and the other stuff you mentioned. It's seems like you did a dry shave which is so awful and causes nasty ingrown hairs. Oh gosh! I feel for you!!! But seriously you can't just shave like your shaving your beard or mustache, you have to be gentle to that sensitive area.

I agreed, i put vaseline on my ass several times a day.

EscortBiz · 09-10-2002, 09:43 AM

bullshit im clean shavin and its all good go to a pro to do it

dikkechill · 09-10-2002, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EscortBiz
bullshit im clean shavin and its all good go to a pro to do it

Maybe your mind blocked out the horribel experience from the first time

cya
Dikkechill

boldy · 09-10-2002, 03:37 PM

We've shaken hands the other day ..

dikkechill · 09-10-2002, 04:05 PM

HAHA

well you're lucky that this story isn't about my ass and my shaving behaviour

cya
Dikkechill

traffictrader · 09-10-2002, 04:17 PM

i was thinking of getitng electrolis on my arse, but i didnt like the idea of giving someone thousands of dollars to shock my ass all day long... the way I look at it, they should be paying me.

09-10-2002, 07:15 AM	#1
dikkechill Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 679	hairy ass story For anyone thinking of shaving their arse hair! This is a great story hehe A timely piece of life-advice - By a random bloke I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with haha lollig some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a > newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! cya Dikkechill __________________ Teens in Wet Panties 60% recurring, ccbill, hosted galleries

09-10-2002, 07:45 AM	#3
dikkechill Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 679	Nice that this persons mistakes saves your day cya Dikkechill __________________ Teens in Wet Panties 60% recurring, ccbill, hosted galleries

09-10-2002, 08:13 AM	#4
Stealthy Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: You know that voice inside your head? That's me... Posts: 626	Heheheheheh... So THAAATS why male porn stars walk so funny! __________________ <embed src=http://www.moonshadow-productions.com/images/moon.swf width="120" height=60>

09-10-2002, 08:45 AM	#5
beerbust03 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 911	Damn. Thanks for that Forensic Description. Note: When shaving your ass hair use shaving cream meant for girls and use a lot of it, and apply vaseline only after done to the area after done shaving. This will help with itching and the other stuff you mentioned. It's seems like you did a dry shave which is so awful and causes nasty ingrown hairs. Oh gosh! I feel for you!!! But seriously you can't just shave like your shaving your beard or mustache, you have to be gentle to that sensitive area. __________________ Hehehehe

09-10-2002, 09:43 AM	#7
EscortBiz Fuck Checks, CASH only! Join Date: May 2002 Location: New York City Posts: 19,422	bullshit im clean shavin and its all good go to a pro to do it __________________ Spanking, Medical Fetish, Sleeping, Strap-on Anal Lesbians, Girls Fucking Guys, Handjob site REAL HOT, Shemales, Anal and Ass Licking sites 100% Real EXCLUSIVE with amazing retention, ccbill payouts, lots of content FREE FTP HOSTING Promote the largest and oldest member paid escort site, Converts 10 times better then any dating site, CCBill payouts ICQ# 158802076

09-10-2002, 07:24 AM	#2
Ted Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 830	phew - I'm sorta glad in a fucked up way that I read that

09-10-2002, 03:37 PM	#9
boldy Macdaddy coder Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: MacDaddy pimp coder Posts: 2,806	We've shaken hands the other day .. __________________ MacDaddy Coder.

09-10-2002, 04:05 PM	#10
dikkechill Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 679	HAHA well you're lucky that this story isn't about my ass and my shaving behaviour cya Dikkechill __________________ Teens in Wet Panties 60% recurring, ccbill, hosted galleries

09-10-2002, 04:17 PM	#11
traffictrader Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: ICQ# 93507395 Posts: 1,331	i was thinking of getitng electrolis on my arse, but i didnt like the idea of giving someone thousands of dollars to shock my ass all day long... the way I look at it, they should be paying me. __________________