bausch

I need to make some mainstream sites so I can be better at telling people what I do because every time I say : internet advertising people still pry etc Saying SEO doesn't always work because many people are very internet savvy and will ask more etc.

What are some really easy and non-complicated niches for mainstream where I can just make some fake sites, ... I already know abut commission junction and linksynergy etc

It has to be something BELIEVABLE though and something where people will believe that it is possible for you to earn quite a bit of money doing it, enough to earn a good living, not a few hundred dollars a month.

VIPimp

Online Advertising... ppc campaign management (adwords ect), ad buys for sites.

baddog

Very few people are internet savvy enough to understand SEO. Have you never read GFY?

Tell them you are an email spammer. Nothing else will work because they will just ask to see your site.

Or tell them you review YouTube complaints.

baddog

BlackIraqMan

tell'em all of your porn is FREE, and then hitt'em in the head with the JOIN NOW PAGE>

bausch

Online advertising for what? What are specific products are best for using to explain this? I already know people can advertise for anything on-line, but what specifically should I say?

Should I tell people that I have a firm that advertises and does PPC for mainstream companies and helps them get good SEO results? etc? I am thinking that would backfire, what if someone asks me to do SEO for their own business or asks me to help them for their own sites? That's not the area I usually work for in, I don't specialize in doing advertising for third party companies.

L-Pink

The key is to make your response sound as boring as possible.

baddog

Precisely why lying never works.

ultimatebbwdotcom

cant you just tell them you buy and sell domain names. Nothing much needed site wise.

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WarChild

Look I already told you how to answer this.

"What do I do online? I sell traffic (true). Say for instance you made a product in your home, maybe you build bicycyles. Well you go and get yourself a fancy website made and you're ready to go online but what you didn't know is there's 100,000 other websites already out there and nobody knows about yours.

Thats where my company can help. I collect traffic from different sources like Google, and Yahoo and some social networks, and help filter traffic that's looking for what you're selling to your website. I guess it's like a smaller version of Google's business plan."

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Mutt

you worry so much about things that aren't likely to happen - but if you insist on worrying about this - SEO and PPC are mysterious enough to get by pretty much any non-webmaster - register a domain like bauschconsulting.com or something and get a template from TemplateMonster - just rip off the text from a good SEO consulting site.
If somebody asks you exactly what you do just say 'I help companies on the Internet find customers for their services and products using search engines, directories, opt-in mailings and so on .........'

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woj

Then just tell them that you are flooded with work and don't have time to take on any more clients... Jeez, it's not very hard... and really it's not what you say, but how you say it, just make up some bs and sound convincing and they'll leave you alone... Just tell them you do marketing for xyz inc, but you can't get into specifics because you signed a NDA...

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L-Pink

Perfect, It got my attention, I was impressed and the more I read the more I wanted to get up and refill my drink. Perfect.

.

bausch

Well, I don't know... what if they ask me what specific domain names, or where do I find domain names valuable enough that they would fetch a good price? If I say I buy them from some type of domain bidding service and then re-seller at a higher price then that would make me a middle-man... Then they could possibly ask how I am able to ensure that I can make a profit or re-sell at a higher price? Or how I'm able to always buy low?

I am not proficient enough in order to bullshit effectively in detail.

bausch

No dude, cause what if some people I'm telling this to just happens to have a small business and wants me to provide this service for them?

This almost happened to me once. I was using the same line to someone, and then he told me he was trying to hire a service to do this for his company. I was afraid he would ask me to do it. Fuck that.

VIPimp

Ads for a variety of different sites/products... and you only deal with high volume, minimum 5k$ at a time blah blah otherwise its not profitable for neither party... you pretty much deal with large firms ect.

VIPimp

Youre booked up, no time for additional clients... you have too many contracts right now... you deal with high volume, only good for companies with a huge ad budjet.

Mutt

you are dealing with bausch - there is no answer - because I can predict exactly what she will reply to your answer 'yeah but then they might ask me since I am in that profession if I can recommend any other SEO consultants who aren't busy and I can't lie because I really don't know anybody and they will know I lied'

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bausch

Yea, but on my mom's side I have like 5 uncles and aunts who are computer programmers, they are all very internet savvy and not stupid. Even my uncle who is in real estate knows about ALL online stuff, they are all really aware of what's going on with online e-commerce etc...

bausch

I actually hadn't thought of that but now that you brought it up, it is a plausible
scenario...

ultimatebbwdotcom

Buying and selling domains can be simplified like buying and selling anything.

Surely if you had to explain a little to someone you'd keep it generic

"oh, i have a bunch of sources that locate names for me as well as my own research - I couldnt for the life of me remember what i sold yesterday let alone specifics...a few big ones have passed through my hands since i started, im not allowed to say which ones though, im sure you understand why"

"Its taken a while to get the hang of the marketplace but now I have a really good eye for what will make a profit, more often than not ill have a buyer upfront"

"can i tell you how its done????......id love to and dont take offense but no one gives a good money making scheme out to everyone.....right"

what else do they need to know lol - just close them down early by making it clear you wont be going into specifics.

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Mutt

haha - i told you i can think just like you cuz I do the same thing

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pornguy

TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH

You are a pornographer,
No they can not have a pass,
and Fuck them for their religious beliefs.

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bausch

Problem is also that I get very nervous when I am bending the truth. I think people can tell by the inflection or change in my tone of voice, or I might get shifty or fidgety. I'm a bad liar. I feel like they can see right through me.

I can't really say selling domains now cause I already told some people I do "online advertising" and SEO crap so I have to keep my story straight. Of course I could say I do both but then it would be even more confusing keeping all the lies straight, I think it's best to keep it simple.

A few times in the past I did say SEO, like search engine spamming. I would lie and say I had scripts that would generate mass pages targeting for specific keywords for google or some shit. And then people would ask what products I advertise for and I would say "ummm affiliate programs for cell phone plans" (I think Standard Internet from 12clicks had such an affiliate marketing program I recall seeing) so I used that and then I even said electronic products. I have no idea why I said "electronic products", I was nervous and it was just something that popped in my head.

I will head over to template monster and see what they have there that can be used as my "corporate site". I guess that would be a start.

L-Pink

What would pimpdog do? Nah, never mind, bad idea.

bausch

I don't have any religious family members, I don't think anyone of them are really religious at all.

I do need a front though. I want to apply for U.S citizenship soon because I need a passport for travel and I'm going to also have to deal with INS asking me what I do too... Of course I would never lie, but it would good to dabble in mainstream so I can say that...

Mutt

you're not a US citizen - where were you born and raised?

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bausch

In Europe, I don't want to say which country in case someone recognizes me. I'm Asian but I was born somewhere in Europe. I've lived in US for 17 years now.

Do you think INS will find out I promote adult affiliate programs and deny me?

bausch

Mutt, do you remember the guy I told you I was seeing who thought he was going to die because he can't get it up?

I ended up dating him and it turns out he has paranoid personality disorder and was also a major schizo! He imagined his blood was "stagnated" and that something was "stuck in his head".

In a way he reminded me of MinusOneBit. He was also on a vigorous letter writing campaign (although he was nowhere as eloquent as MinusOneBit" and warning CEO of some large company how there was a conspiracy against him etc. Always writing letters, thinking people were conspiring against him, for example he would freak out if he saw a random security guy at a grocery store, he thought our house phone was tapped and that there could be cameras installed inside our place. Really wild shit.

Mutt

nah - my friend Marco who is a porn shooter in LA came from Europe 20 years ago and he just got his US citizenship last year with no problem so no reason it wouldn't be the same for you.

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L-Pink

You just might be the most paranoid poster since Jimthefiend lost his co-pay.

Mutt

i do remember that somewhat - so what happened to him? is he getting treatment and is he better than he was?

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Walrus

Funny, because.. this person reminds me of YOU.

bausch

No! He got worse. We ended up living together but our relationship was so rocky that ended up leaving. I hope he's not homeless because I know he isn't capable of holding a job for an extended period of time. One time when we got in a fight for two weeks he actually lived in his car. Even though he's crazy he does have a lot of friends who help him out, etc.

I couldn't handle it anymore either because if I didn't agree with him he would turn him against me too! For example, he thought people at his old work were trying to kill him (what happened was that they sent someone over to our house to check up on him when he didn't show up for work). I don't know if that's standard business procedure, but that act made him paranoid and think that they were "After" him. He was working for a company that was contracted by another company to do security work, and he claimed that the company he was working for was corrupt and they were about to lose a multi-million dollar contract because he found out that they were fraudulent, so they wanted to kill him etc because he was about to "reveal the truth" and
"blow the whistle".

So then he started writing letters like MinusOnebit, warning the owner and CEO of the companies about what he had discovered and writing all kinds of crazy shit in the letter, like about America and the constitution and all kinds of crap.

And when I would tell him it wasn't true he would become violent too and tell me I'm on their side. And he would end up stealing my money to use to buy devices to scan the house for cameras etc.

Of course he couldn't hold a job so I was supporting him financially 100 percent, but he was disrespectful on top of it too, would take money from my wallet, take my property from my house and sell it for money, was violent etc.

He wanted me to move to a new place because he said his work would hurt me too and kill me etc and I went through with it because he was so insistent. His whole family knows he is insane too but they play along with it!!!
Even his older brother was like "Yeah security business is dangerous" etc, the can't disagree with him because otherwise he would cut them off forever, even though they know he is insane.

And his mother is looking for him, she's worried that he might be homeless and be attacked or whatever... She wants him to claim for disability so he can receive an income. He hates his whole family too and feels like they are against him, he doesn't want anything to do with them. He has no contact with any of them.

baddog

birds of a feather

bausch

It got to the point where he wouldn't talk to me in the house but write it down in case it was wiretapped! Can you imagine having a conversation with someone and having to write it all down because you can't speak out loud?

I know for a fact no one cared enough about him to hurt him, he was working in a low position, making a low wage, he was no one important for a million dollar legitimate business to be wiretapping his house, etc.

bausch

Ok, that's good. I have been putting off applying because I've been kind of fearful to be honest.

d-null

tell them you run a network of proxy sites

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bausch

Also, around 2 years ago one aunt asked me what I do and I bullshitted the usual "internet marketing" and "getting results for certain target keywords in search engines to market specific products" etc but then I saw her recently again and she was like "Well what is it EXACTLY that you do?" and she looked at me directly in the eye and I got kind of freaked out and I got frustrated and couldn't explain very well. I can explain VERY WELL on-line, like if they asked me in an email and I had to type it out, I can make it seem very believable and explain it intelligently in detail. I just can't in person because I get nervous so I don't sound like I am confident and mean what I'm saying. Perhaps I don't speak with enough conviction.

I mean of course I can think of all things to say, but in the heat of the moment when it happens I get all flustered and tongue tied and frustrated because I couldn't find the right words.

I think my dad also knows that I am bullshitting because I'm not doing a good job of explaining things. He was like "If people ask me what you do I just say I don't know and it's none of my business" etc

Sometimes I am afraid my family might think I'm doing something illegal or shady or involved in prostitution because I appear too comfortable financially without appearing to work hard so they must think "What do you do to get make money? Are you doing illegal stuff?" etc It doesn't help that I don't have a degree so I feel like they underestimate me, like they think I wouldn't be able to support myself financially without resorting to doing something illegal or doing something that is harmful to myself.

They probably think that I wouldn't be able to do ok for myself without a degree because my family is always pressuring the young ones to go to university etc. I think this is what they think.

Nookster

You don't have any hobbies? You could always just make a blog about your hobby and advertise related products on the blog. I do that with my graffiti hobby/habit. LOL But, as my formal explanation of what I do, I'm a web developer.

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tony286

Tell them you market to the adult market. It not like your in pornos. If lying makes you so stressed tell the truth.
You seemed to have huge problems in social situations, you should get help for that and deal with it while your young.

bausch

Not really. I know I could make a celeb gossip and do googe ads on the side or whatever, but if my blog isn't well known it would be unrealistic to expect my family to believe that I can support myself on just one blog. Of course I can lie and always say that I have a network of hundreds of blogs and just show them one I suppose...

But yea, those are good ideas. The problem is that I can only pick one thing though and stick to it. If I say different things all the time it's going to seem like I am just saying whatever and nothing is concrete or definite.

bausch

It has to be an universal answer I can use for everyone, I don't want to say I market adult because what if some of the people I talk to are 60 years old and old-fashioned; some people you should just not be so open with. There are going to be specific circumstances when revealing the truth won't be the most prudent thing to do.

Also, the INS thing, when you apply for citizenship they interview you 1 on 1. I read on message boards about what the personal interview entails in detail, and one man told him the interviewer was very specific. He was some kind of software engineer and she still pressed for specific details. He wrote that she was a no-nonsense woman that appeared to not take any bullshit. Reading that kind of gave me second thoughts about applying.

DaddyHalbucks

Hahahaha, I like your style.

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donkevlar

Don't take a job you're so ashamed of...

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Grapesoda

tell them you devise and implement internet marketing campaigns. -bmb

bausch

I'm not ashamed. Do you think it's a great idea to tell a 90 year old feeble great-aunt or whatever that I sell porn?

Do you think I should tell INS I sell porn when apply for citizenship?

Come on now.

Doctor Dre

You say you're only doing big corporate clients and that you don't take any projects that requires under 6 months job. If they ask you wich site, you say you have a non disclosure agreement with them as they are a publicly traded compagny and they don't release anything until next fiscal quarder.

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bausch

Lol, if I say this I have to say it with conviction. I feel like my family looks down on me because I didn't go to university and don't have a prestigious profession. I think this is what they think.

If I use words like NDA and "fiscal quarters" I'm afraid they might roll their eyes at me, and be like "Oh, you only have a GED. You know what "fiscal" means?"

Of course they wouldn't say this, but I feel like this is how they feel about me secretly.

D Ghost

Yeah SEO, "Internet Stuff", "Online Advertising", Etc.