The Five Levels of a Hangover - GoFuckYourself.com

sexandcash · 01-26-2009, 07:40 AM

I snitched this from Just Blow Me...it's just too funny.....

Probably posted before, but it's worth the read.

FIVE LEVELS OF HANGOVER

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You have drank 11 cans of coke and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a Mongolian stir-fry.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the extra spicy giant burrito from the 3:00am Mexican taco joint adventure. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured Schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once but you have had 9 Schnapps scented dumps.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on with your eyes closed while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings tears and burning to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. You are only able crawl from the washroom back to your desk as your legs won't support your weight any longer.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. The vodka you drank all night has turned to formaldehyde in your system and the vapours are seeping out of every pore in your body making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is swollen and suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass and even the splash of water touching you is painful. You feel as though you may have internal bleeding. Death sounds pretty good right about now.

Taken from www.jokesbee.com

JamesK · 01-26-2009, 07:46 AM

I think the 5 star description is pretty much how I felt last night

CDSmith · 01-26-2009, 09:47 AM

Bump for a helluva read!

:D

missipissi · 01-26-2009, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesK

I think the 5 star description is pretty much how I felt last night

I thought it was just me.

Imortyl Pussycat · 01-26-2009, 10:34 AM

too funny. i somehow managed to get through the Vegas show with no more than a 2 star on my worst day.

potter · 01-26-2009, 10:41 AM

I'm only at a one star this morning. I think the amazing spaghetti and meatballs i cooked up last night in my drunken fervor made for a better morning.

John-ACWM · 01-26-2009, 10:43 AM

Funny read, never thought about the levels of a hangover

notime · 01-26-2009, 10:54 AM

"You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning."

CDSmith · 01-26-2009, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy.... something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun... Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.... The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,... There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Nevermind a hangover, welcome to old age.

woj · 01-26-2009, 09:16 PM

MaDalton · 01-26-2009, 09:20 PM

i think i had number 5 last friday

BV · 01-26-2009, 09:35 PM

hahaha yah that's pretty good

BSleazy · 01-26-2009, 09:38 PM

That made me cry.

SilentKnight · 01-26-2009, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexandcash

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. The vodka you drank all night has turned to formaldehyde in your system and the vapours are seeping out of every pore in your body making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is swollen and suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass and even the splash of water touching you is painful. You feel as though you may have internal bleeding. Death sounds pretty good right about now.

I fondly refer to it as "My 1980s"

JamesK · 01-26-2009, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus H Christ

Six Star Hangover (******): The next morning-day-evening are in different color patterns like a Edvard Munch painting. There is a constant static noise in your head. You can't move to get aspirin, water, or piss. You pull the blankets over your head and try to lay as still as possible as your body shakes uncontrollably as you pray to god to make it stop or not to shit on yourself.

Russia, Vodka, and being stupid enough to think I could out drink Russians.

ExLust · 01-26-2009, 11:50 PM

Sounds like I already experience those 5 levels of hangover. lol

DaddyHalbucks · 01-26-2009, 11:57 PM

sexandcash · 01-27-2009, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesus H Christ

Six Star Hangover (******): The next morning-day-evening are in different color patterns like a Edvard Munch painting. There is a constant static noise in your head. You can't move to get aspirin, water, or piss. You pull the blankets over your head and try to lay as still as possible as your body shakes uncontrollably as you pray to god to make it stop or not to shit on yourself.

Russia, Vodka, and being stupid enough to think I could out drink Russians.

LOL....good one....very good one

I loved this...I saw it and I had to repost....I was laughing so hard....about everything...the I Love Lucy...just the everything

bobby666 · 01-27-2009, 06:58 AM

its so true ...

sexandcash · 01-27-2009, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobby666

its so true ...

that's why it had to be posted bobby....the truth must be told....

tranza · 01-27-2009, 10:46 AM

I had 5 stars hangover! hahaha

CDSmith · 01-27-2009, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyHalbucks

Seen it many times -- Same scene, different girl. At least this girl managed to keep her thong on.

01-26-2009, 07:40 AM	#1
sexandcash Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 1,566	The Five Levels of a Hangover I snitched this from Just Blow Me...it's just too funny..... Probably posted before, but it's worth the read. FIVE LEVELS OF HANGOVER One Star Hangover () No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You have drank 11 cans of coke and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a Mongolian stir-fry. Two Star Hangover () No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the extra spicy giant burrito from the 3:00am Mexican taco joint adventure. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. Three Star Hangover () Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured Schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once but you have had 9 Schnapps scented dumps. Four Star Hangover () Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on with your eyes closed while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings tears and burning to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. You are only able crawl from the washroom back to your desk as your legs won't support your weight any longer. Five Star Hangover (***) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. The vodka you drank all night has turned to formaldehyde in your system and the vapours are seeping out of every pore in your body making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is swollen and suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass and even the splash of water touching you is painful. You feel as though you may have internal bleeding. Death sounds pretty good right about now. Taken from www.jokesbee.com __________________ SexandCash ICQ: 490-947-295

01-26-2009, 07:46 AM	#2
JamesK hi Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 16,731	I think the 5 star description is pretty much how I felt last night __________________ M3Server - NATS Hosting

01-26-2009, 09:47 AM	#3
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Bump for a helluva read! :D __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

01-26-2009, 10:34 AM	#5
Imortyl Pussycat Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cali Posts: 5,449	too funny. i somehow managed to get through the Vegas show with no more than a 2 star on my worst day. __________________ Julie Larson julie {at} juicyads.com skype: imortylpussycat Buy & Sell Ads on The Most Sexy Advertising Network on the Planet available ad spots \| sign up now

01-26-2009, 10:41 AM	#6
potter Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Denver Posts: 6,559	I'm only at a one star this morning. I think the amazing spaghetti and meatballs i cooked up last night in my drunken fervor made for a better morning. __________________

01-26-2009, 10:43 AM	#7
John-ACWM Work Work Work Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: EU Posts: 20,060	Funny read, never thought about the levels of a hangover __________________ Video Chat Forum

01-26-2009, 10:54 AM	#8
notime Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: cyberspace Posts: 8,020	"You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the strange looking one legged person was passed out on your bed next to you this morning."

01-26-2009, 09:16 PM	#10
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	__________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

01-26-2009, 09:20 PM	#11
MaDalton I am Amazing Content! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 39,822	i think i had number 5 last friday __________________ AmazingContent.com - providing only the best content and service since 2003 Monetize your content on Veegaz.com - one of Germanies largest VOD sites Got German traffic? We convert it into money for you! Skype: madalton02826 - Email: oltecconsult [at] gmail [dot] com

01-26-2009, 09:35 PM	#12
BV wtf Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Bikini State, FL USA Posts: 10,914	hahaha yah that's pretty good

01-26-2009, 09:38 PM	#13
BSleazy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: USA Posts: 6,721	That made me cry. __________________ icq 156131086

01-26-2009, 11:50 PM	#16
ExLust Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,223	Sounds like I already experience those 5 levels of hangover. lol __________________ BE A PARTNER

01-26-2009, 11:57 PM	#17
DaddyHalbucks A freakin' legend! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada USA Posts: 18,975	__________________ Boner Money

01-27-2009, 06:58 AM	#19
bobby666 boots are my religion Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Heart of europe Posts: 21,765	its so true ... __________________

01-27-2009, 10:46 AM	#21
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	I had 5 stars hangover! hahaha __________________ I'm just a newbie.