Does anybody know good Irish jokes? - GoFuckYourself.com

TheSenator · 02-05-2009, 07:27 AM

I'm not talking about milk n cookie jokes. I am talking about hardcore Irish jokes like the ones hurled from Bill the Butcher from "Gangs of New York" type.

Thanks

Grapesoda · 02-05-2009, 07:54 AM

what's the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

one less drunk

Grapesoda · 02-05-2009, 07:56 AM

an Irish man is walking down the street and sees two men in a horrible bloody fight fight.... walking up to the men the Irish man says, "excuse me, is this a private fight or can anybody get in?"

TheSenator · 02-05-2009, 08:06 AM

This is a funny prank called filled with a lot of insults.

Bama · 02-05-2009, 08:07 AM

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

Bama · 02-05-2009, 08:08 AM

An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job"

Bama · 02-05-2009, 08:10 AM

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

blazin · 02-05-2009, 08:11 AM

Did you hear about the Irishman that farted in the bath?

He drowned trying to smell it!

Bama · 02-05-2009, 08:11 AM

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

Bama · 02-05-2009, 08:13 AM

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.

2012 · 02-05-2009, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bama

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

SordidMedia · 02-05-2009, 08:16 AM

Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd fuckin recognize her anywhere! "

------

Pat and Murphy landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before tea, Murphy yelled: "Pat! I lost me fuckin finger!"

"Have you now?" says Pat. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big fuckin spinning thing here like this...Shit! There goes another one!"

tranza · 02-05-2009, 08:31 AM

Lol...some nice jokes on the thread...keep them coming!

LA Crew · 02-05-2009, 09:04 AM

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

gornyhuy · 02-05-2009, 10:38 AM

This thread delivers!

baddog · 02-05-2009, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bama

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

Saved me from having to type it out. Thx

_Richard_ · 02-05-2009, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LA_quince

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

hahahahhaa

A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears.
'What's the matter, son?' asked his mammy.
'We were doing sums today, Mammy,' he said.
'And were they too hard?'
'Well, the teacher said either I couldn't count, or I was stupid, or all three.'

Spieglergirls · 02-05-2009, 01:03 PM

What do you call an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day? -- A cab.

What do you call a child born to an Irish couple? -- The designated driver.

John-ACWM · 02-05-2009, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bama

An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job"

Great one

Martin · 02-05-2009, 01:29 PM

Two sober Irish men walking down the street.
</joke>

02-05-2009, 07:27 AM	#1
TheSenator Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 13,336	Does anybody know good Irish jokes? I'm not talking about milk n cookie jokes. I am talking about hardcore Irish jokes like the ones hurled from Bill the Butcher from "Gangs of New York" type. Thanks __________________ ISeekGirls.com since 2005

02-05-2009, 08:06 AM	#4
TheSenator Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 13,336	This is a funny prank called filled with a lot of insults. __________________ ISeekGirls.com since 2005

02-05-2009, 08:11 AM	#8
blazin Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 2,781	Did you hear about the Irishman that farted in the bath? He drowned trying to smell it! __________________ I don't endorse a god damn thing......

02-05-2009, 08:16 AM	#12
SordidMedia So Fucking Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: U.K Posts: 283	Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd fuckin recognize her anywhere! " ------ Pat and Murphy landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before tea, Murphy yelled: "Pat! I lost me fuckin finger!" "Have you now?" says Pat. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big fuckin spinning thing here like this...Shit! There goes another one!" Last edited by SordidMedia; 02-05-2009 at 08:18 AM..

02-05-2009, 08:31 AM	#13
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Lol...some nice jokes on the thread...keep them coming! __________________ I'm just a newbie.

02-05-2009, 07:54 AM	#2
Grapesoda So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 46,238	what's the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish wake? one less drunk

02-05-2009, 07:56 AM	#3
Grapesoda So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 46,238	an Irish man is walking down the street and sees two men in a horrible bloody fight fight.... walking up to the men the Irish man says, "excuse me, is this a private fight or can anybody get in?"

02-05-2009, 08:07 AM	#5
Bama Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Redmond, WA Posts: 2,727	Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night. In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?" So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear." The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?" She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

02-05-2009, 08:08 AM	#6
Bama Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Redmond, WA Posts: 2,727	An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?" The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man. The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?" The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job"

02-05-2009, 08:10 AM	#7
Bama Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Redmond, WA Posts: 2,727	Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done." "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity." O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

02-05-2009, 08:13 AM	#10
Bama Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Redmond, WA Posts: 2,727	McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.

02-05-2009, 09:04 AM	#14
LA Crew Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: city of angels Posts: 1,356	A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies. He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts." __________________

02-05-2009, 10:38 AM	#15
gornyhuy Chafed. Join Date: May 2002 Location: Face Down in Pussy Posts: 18,041	This thread delivers! __________________ icq:159548293

02-05-2009, 01:03 PM	#18
Spieglergirls Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Porn Valley, Ca. Posts: 476	What do you call an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day? -- A cab. What do you call a child born to an Irish couple? -- The designated driver. __________________ Mark Spiegler "Patron of the Tarts" http://www.spieglergirls.com/html/main.html

02-05-2009, 01:29 PM	#20
Martin "Assassins" Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: At home Posts: 17,277	Two sober Irish men walking down the street. </joke> __________________