Man Jokes - GoFuckYourself.com

DVTimes · 05-28-2009, 04:46 PM

from http://www.clownx.com/?p=1197

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Tel-a-woman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They?re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman?s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don?t have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she?s been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It?s one of those ?evolutionary things? that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with ?A man once told me??

How do you fix a woman?s watch?
You don?t. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can?t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He?ll shut up once you let him in.

What?s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won?t do what she?s told

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman?s sex drive by 90%..
It?s called a Wedding Cake.

Women will never be equal to men..
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to

gornyhuy · 05-28-2009, 05:10 PM

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because Its worth it.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 15 years...
I didn't want to interrupt her.

Why do women have legs?
So they don't leave slug trails everywhere they go.

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 05-28-2009, 05:16 PM

ADG

Spunky · 05-28-2009, 05:30 PM

Har har,some of those were pretty good

Elli · 05-28-2009, 05:37 PM

hahah some new classics in there

DVTimes · 05-29-2009, 02:37 AM

he he he

blogsy · 05-29-2009, 03:00 AM

have you told any of those to your wife yet?? :-)

John-ACWM · 05-29-2009, 10:42 AM

'How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They?re both fun to ride until your friends find out.'

Vicious_B · 05-29-2009, 10:48 AM

Why do women have legs?
So they don't leave slug trails everywhere they go.

EEEEWWWWW!! LOL

UFGators2007 · 05-29-2009, 11:13 AM

Classics!

_Richard_ · 05-29-2009, 11:38 AM

haha.. that 'evolutionary thing' was awesome

05-28-2009, 04:46 PM	#1
DVTimes xxx Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: UK Posts: 31,544	Man Jokes from http://www.clownx.com/?p=1197 How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They?re both fun to ride until your friends find out. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. Why is the space between a woman?s breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don?t have balls to scratch. Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she?s been told twice already. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It?s one of those ?evolutionary things? that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with ?A man once told me?? How do you fix a woman?s watch? You don?t. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can?t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He?ll shut up once you let him in. What?s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won?t do what she?s told Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman?s sex drive by 90%.. It?s called a Wedding Cake. Women will never be equal to men.. Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Why do men die before their wives? They want to __________________ The Affiliate Program

05-28-2009, 05:10 PM	#2
gornyhuy Chafed. Join Date: May 2002 Location: Face Down in Pussy Posts: 18,041	Why is divorce so expensive? Because Its worth it. I haven't spoken to my wife in 15 years... I didn't want to interrupt her. Why do women have legs? So they don't leave slug trails everywhere they go. __________________ icq:159548293

05-28-2009, 05:16 PM	#3
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	ADG __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

05-28-2009, 05:30 PM	#4
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,928	Har har,some of those were pretty good __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

05-28-2009, 05:37 PM	#5
Elli Reach for those stars! Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 17,991	hahah some new classics in there __________________ Make More Money with Cams and Dating at FFN.com! email: [email protected]

05-29-2009, 02:37 AM	#6
DVTimes xxx Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: UK Posts: 31,544	he he he __________________ The Affiliate Program

05-29-2009, 03:00 AM	#7
blogsy Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 205	have you told any of those to your wife yet?? :-)

05-29-2009, 10:42 AM	#8
John-ACWM Work Work Work Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: EU Posts: 20,060	'How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They?re both fun to ride until your friends find out.' __________________ Video Chat Forum

05-29-2009, 10:48 AM	#9
Vicious_B Confirmed User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 2,564	Why do women have legs? So they don't leave slug trails everywhere they go. EEEEWWWWW!! LOL __________________ ICQ# 419 775 271

05-29-2009, 11:13 AM	#10
UFGators2007 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 1,739	Classics! __________________ "I use the Google to pull up maps."

05-29-2009, 11:38 AM	#11
_Richard_ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Vancouver Posts: 30,985	haha.. that 'evolutionary thing' was awesome