I guess i'm pretty lucky to be alive today.

[jmcb420]

Last night was rough. Here's the cliff notes version, from what I remember and was told.

Around 5 I started drinking and smoking weed, nothing new. Around 7 I stupidly chose to take what for me is a pretty heafty dose of Vicodin I got from a friend and 2 valumes.

I continued drinking and smoking pot, while making a list of the 10 most imoprtant people in my life, whom coincidently I have all hurt in one form or another. I even wrote the reasons I had hurt them all next to thier names.

By 9 I was gone, and I remember nothing after shutting the door and laying down on the couch. When I shut the door, my cat was trapped in the foyer. Around 930-10ish the cat screaming to get back in had gotten my neighbors attention, she stepped into the foyer and knocked on the door, I did not answer. She knocked again, then pounded, then called. No response.

I was laying right in front of the door on the sofa, she could see me. So she opened the door, let the cat in and tried to wake me. I would not respond. She looked right next to me and saw the list I had made. She called the emergency services, and I was taken to the hospital. I arrived there just after 10 last night.

My stomach was pumped, I was given some kind of shot, I remember nothing until I woke up around 1 in the morning.

I was questioned by a doctor and a cop about the list I was found with at the time. I explained that it was more of a "karma list" then what they actually thought it was.

I was told that I would be kept for a day or so and observed. I immediatly asked if I had the right to sign myself out. They said I could, but they advise I didn't. I did, and was home by 2:30.

Got into bed, slept until almost 9.

I feel hollow today. I really did have a moment last night where I knew I was in dangerious territory as far as the pills and alcohol were doing. Death did cross my mind, but it didn't bother or scare me at all.

I think its time to change everything about my life that I can, mend some fences and make good on things I need to.

I'm really bothered by how much I dont care about myself when I always let my feelings for others consume me.

[San]

cool story bro

Originally Posted by San

cool story bro

[fatfoo]

jmcb420, I think you should stay off the weed. Good luck. Remember, don't just care about others, care about yourself, as well.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by San

cool story bro

the sad part of that statement is the fact that this may have been the most exciting thing to happen to me this year.

I dont know how to deal with not giving a shit. I wish that there was a button I could push and change that one thing about myself.

[jmcb420]

Originally Posted by fatfoo

jmcb420, I think you should stay off the weed. Good luck. Remember, don't just care about others, care about yourself, as well.

I'm pretty sure the weed was of no importance to the fact that the pills while drinking whiskey. I've always smoked weed, always drank to much when I did drink, and always have taken Vicodins and valumes.

Staying off weed is only one thing I need to do, but far from the most important.

[Cutty]

idk how you can post this in public without shame. You need help.

[american pervert]

why did they take you to the hospital? i've done way worse and lived.

[JamesK]

Originally Posted by fatfoo

jmcb420, I think you should stay off the weed. Good luck. Remember, don't just care about others, care about yourself, as well.

God, you guys are fucked up

[Sharky]

You need to get help bro. Doesn't sound good.

[seeandsee]

Originally Posted by San

cool story bro

[The Heron]

Stupid story, get a fucking life.

[Shap]

As someone that doesn't do drugs as I was reading this I thought what a fuckin idiot. I know that's harsh. Just letting you know how it sounds to someone that can't relate.

Sharky's right. Get help. You don't need that shit. This is your chance to turn your life around. Next time you probably won't be as lucky and you'll end up dead or even worse alive with serious damage.

[bronco67]

You sound like a real asshole.

get some help.

[candyflip]

Only real problem is that is sounds like you're a lightweight.

[Jarmusch]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I feel hollow today.

And you should, your stomach was pumped.

[BusterBunny]

the shot you got was proly narcan ;)

[notime]

Stop doing drugs today and get help from friends, family or pro's if needed.
Then find a (new) goal in your life and focus on that.

[madawgz]

i understand where your coming from

from personal experience, it was fucked up when my liver failed on me from drinking so much, and its been fucked ever since

i cant drink too much anymore, hardly anything at all

but i adapted and i dont drink anymore because it would kill me

[Alky]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

I'm really bothered by how much I dont care about myself when I always let my feelings for others consume me.

No offense but it's not time for a pity party.

The list alone proves you were depressed whether you want to believe that or not. You need help... good luck.

[SilentKnight]

Originally Posted by jmcb420

Last night was rough. Here's the cliff notes version, from what I remember and was told.

Around 5 I started drinking and smoking weed, nothing new. Around 7 I stupidly chose to take what for me is a pretty heafty dose of Vicodin I got from a friend and 2 valumes.

I continued drinking and smoking pot, while making a list of the 10 most imoprtant people in my life, whom coincidently I have all hurt in one form or another. I even wrote the reasons I had hurt them all next to thier names.

By 9 I was gone, and I remember nothing after shutting the door and laying down on the couch. When I shut the door, my cat was trapped in the foyer. Around 930-10ish the cat screaming to get back in had gotten my neighbors attention, she stepped into the foyer and knocked on the door, I did not answer. She knocked again, then pounded, then called. No response.

I was laying right in front of the door on the sofa, she could see me. So she opened the door, let the cat in and tried to wake me. I would not respond. She looked right next to me and saw the list I had made. She called the emergency services, and I was taken to the hospital. I arrived there just after 10 last night.

My stomach was pumped, I was given some kind of shot, I remember nothing until I woke up around 1 in the morning.

I was questioned by a doctor and a cop about the list I was found with at the time. I explained that it was more of a "karma list" then what they actually thought it was.

I was told that I would be kept for a day or so and observed. I immediatly asked if I had the right to sign myself out. They said I could, but they advise I didn't. I did, and was home by 2:30.

Got into bed, slept until almost 9.

I feel hollow today. I really did have a moment last night where I knew I was in dangerious territory as far as the pills and alcohol were doing. Death did cross my mind, but it didn't bother or scare me at all.

I think its time to change everything about my life that I can, mend some fences and make good on things I need to.

I'm really bothered by how much I dont care about myself when I always let my feelings for others consume me.

I read this...and felt a brief shudder go through me.

Earlier in another thread I briefly mentioned it was one year ago last month that my sister passed away.

Essentially, she died doing pretty much the same thing you describe above. She was on heavy meds for anti-depression. She'd gotten in an argument with her husband (he subsequently left the house and went out to a movie) - and she retired to the bedroom for the remainder of the evening.

He returned to the house later that night and slept on the sofa without going upstairs. The next morning he went upstairs to the bedroom and was unable to wake her in bed. She wasn't breathing and he called 911. She was pronounced not long after.

The toxicology results showed that she'd taken high doses of the meds, combined with alcohol. She'd done it in the past to "zone out" (as she'd put it) - but not in a lethal quantity.

My point to telling this here and now (since I've not spoken of it on GFY when it happened) is - get help. Get counciling of some sort - get in with a support group and admit you've got a problem.

I don't know you personally, of course - but your experience above has the warning signs all over it.

Get help before it's too late.

[Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life]

Originally Posted by fatfoo

jmcb420, I think you should stay off the weed. Good luck. Remember, don't just care about others, care about yourself, as well.

Stay off the weed? How about, don't get hammered when you're full of benzos and opiates?

That aside, make sure your karam list plays out with as much hilarity as My Name is Earl did, and you should be fine...

[Agent 488]

you tried to kill yourself you just can't admit it.

[papill0n]

valiums are one of the worst drugs you can take man

at the very least stop taking those fucking things

smoke a little weed, have a few beers and sort your life out

all the best

[Libertine]

jmcb: Apart from changing your lifestyle and mending fences, you might want to consider getting some professional help from a good psychologist or psychiatrist. They might be able to provide you with an objective view of things, and help you get back on track.

Originally Posted by Angry Jew Cat

Stay off the weed? How about, don't get hammered when you're full of benzos and opiates?

That aside, make sure your karam list plays out with as much hilarity as My Name is Earl did, and you should be fine...

Staying off the weed is generally good advice for people who are having mental health problems. Staying off other stuff is too, of course.

[wdsguy]

fuckin cats always ruin everything

[EscortBiz]

sad that you like most junkies think all this is cool, yeah you talk about it as if its something you regret but really blabbling about it seems to be part of the high for you junkies

nothing cool about this and the chances of you stopping this stupid shit is maybe 1%

this is not a racecar talking about how much shit you took or how you know someone that takes even more junk isnt something people admire, to sane normal people you are a fuckup and you should be avoided

there is nothing to change, you need to stop and thats it, stop thinking you need to do certain steps before change, you started full force you ended full force

I do wish you good luck in noticing its not cool and stopping and wouldnt want to see anyone fuck themselves up but understand I grew up in NY and now spend some time in CA and so many people good normal sane people destroy everything because they wanted to be "cool"

[Mutt]

well on the positive side, that sounds like a really peaceful easy way to die.

not recommending suicide to anybody with depression or any kind of life problems but for people suffering from terminal cancer that is sure a better solution than to wait until cancer devours your body.

[CaptainHowdy]

Originally Posted by wdsguy

fuckin cats always ruin everything

...

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

Hug your cat, consider yourself lucky to be alive, and learn from your experience by getting yourself together (and once you've done that, start making things up to the most important people in your life).



ADG

[natkejs]

Originally Posted by candyflip

Only real problem is that is sounds like you're a lightweight.

I was thinking the same thing

[natkejs]

heh funny people going "see a shrink" and "get off the weed" ... come on guys..

no shrink is going to make you stop, you need to make that choice. and weed ain't the problem that's an aid if anything, keeps you calm and relaxed while alcohol especially combined with benzo makes you do stupid shit.

most people that get in to drugs won't have the motivation or strength to get out until something really fucking bad happen that scares them out of it or, something really amazing that motivates them.

but shrinks, psychologists, detox ... ptss it's just for show.

"don't worry I'm seeing a shrink now..."

what's sad is you have to come to GFY to let this out, get some friends man

[cherrylula]

if you are serious, go find a meeting...