One bad night in Denver... - GoFuckYourself.com

NetHorse · 11-04-2009, 06:57 PM

Here's the story of the time I almost got arrested for vagrancy (being homeless) when I lived in Denver.

100% True Story.

I went out with my buddy George M...after work on a Friday night in downtown Denver. I ran an Enterprise Rent A Car branch in one part of Denver and George ran another branch on another side of town.

We go out this one night and it was was like record low temperatures. It was -4, -5 degrees or something like that to this cigar bar.

We park in a parking garage and go into this cigar bar and proceed to get shit faced. I hadn't smoked a cigar in years and wasn't prepared about how ****ed up it was going to make me after drinking so much gin. I was cocked, probably like 8 gin and tonics and then I bought this 20 dollar cigar.

I smoked like half of it and started to get dizzy and turn ****ing green in the face. I go down to the bathroom of this bar and just start puking everywhere. They ask me to leave cuz I'm puking all over the place so I ask George for his car keys so I can go sleep in his car in the parking garage while he stays at the bar. He gives me his keys except I was new to Denver and completely ****ing forgot where I parked.

I am completely shit faced and I end up walking in the negative -5 degree weather about 3/4 of a mile away from the bar. I just started walking. I finally look up at the street sign and realize I have no ****ing clue where I am. I am puking every 10 minutes and there is dried spit, snot and puke FROZED to my ****ing face.

I lay down on the sidewalk in front of the ESPN zone and I know a cop came by and was ****ing with me to figure out what I was doing. He thought I was homeless or some shit. Anyway, I really don't remember much of the conversation with the cop but I remember he put me in a cab and asked him to bring me to a homeless shelter in the city.

Now let me tell you. I was wearing a ****ing white shirt, and a sports jacket. Similar to what a bum might be wearing if he was homeless and just found some hand me down shit at the salvation army...I lost my tie somewhere that I had on. I literally could have passed for a bum.

When I throw up I'm like DD. ****ing violent and I busted almost every blood vessel in my face so my face was all red and blotchy like I was a drunk vagrant.

I could easily see how the cop thought I was homeless. Lying down on the sidewalk shivering to ****ing death with puke and snot all frozen to my face and almost in tears because my stomach hurt so bad.

Next thing I know I'm in a can headed to a homeless shelter...

So I'm in the cab and I remember bits and pieces of this and I reach down in my pockets and realize I have like ****ing 13 burritos in my jacket pocket all wrapped in aluminum foil.

In Denver, instead of like Sausage or Hot Dog stands outside of the bars on the weekends. They have dudes with little warming bins that sell burritos they made at home and they sell them for like 2 bucks a piece to all the drunk kids coming out of the bars at night.

I guess I must have given the mexican guy like 20 ****ing bucks or some shit.

I am laying down in the back seat of this cab NO ****ing clue where I am or where I'm going.

I remember lying there freezing my dick off just shoving burritos in my mouth.

the cab driver was a ****ing Arab of course and I remember I kept trying to feed him one of my burritos.

I'm like "dude I have like 20 ****ing burritos in my pocket take a ****ing burrito"

hes going "no no no no no. No burrito"

I remember getting ****ing violent with the dude at one point and telling him to "EAT A ****ING BURRITO" and almost ramming it in his face.

Dude flips out and throws me the **** out of his cab right back on the street. It's -5 degrees, I have about 5 burritos left in my pocket, ****ing cheese and chili all over my face, frozen puke all over my face, frozen boogers coming out of my nose.

I'm on ****ing Colfax Avenue in Denver now and I just start puking again.

This time I wouldn't say I'm sobering up but I'm not exactly blacked out anymore either. I'm just like Olsen on a Tuesday night. REALLY ****ing cocked to the point where I don't give a shit about the cold.

I ****ing realize I know the street of the bar we were at and I hail another taxi cab and ask him to take me to Adams St. and ask if he knows the cigar bar there and he does.

****ing awesome.

I remember going through the same burrito saga with this driver. I'm ****ing mowing down on these burritos like there's no tomorrow and I keep telling the cabbie to take one from me so I don't eat them all.

This dude was mad cool and ate a burrito and dropped me back off.

Right in front of the bar 2 hours later...George is waiting at the front for me like "Dude WHERE THE **** WERE YOU?!?!?!?!?"

I had no clue but I had ****ing chili all over my white shirt, I had busted red blood vessels all over my face including puke on my shirt, shoes. etc.

No ****ing joke. I must have looked like I just ****ing crawled out of the sewer after having a kegger with the Ninja Turtles or some shit.

George was in shock.

We ****ing leave and I remember grabbing a plastic bag and just puking the entire ****ing ride as George was driving on the ride.

George stops at his ****ing Enterprise Rent A Car branch in the city to take a piss and at this point I had eaten 7 or 8 burritos EASILY. These things are shit too. Worst quality shit in them you could imagine.

So I get out of his jeep and go inside the branch with him.

It's like 1 AM...he unlocks the front door of his Enterprise branch and I go sit on the toilet in the girls bathroom and my asshole is throwing up non stop.

I am ****ing puking into a plastic bag from beign too drunk at the same time and George told me I was just sitting on the shitter crying, puking and having diarhea. He said I was in so much stomach pain I was just crying for like 20 minutes straight.

Hes like DUDE IM GUNNA ****ING LEAVE YOU HERE

Im like LEAVE MEHERE MAN I CANT ****ING MOVE, JUST COME BACK FOR ME IN THE MORNING.

After trying to get me off the shitter for like 10 minutes, he really does ****ing LEAVE.

I'm in a pitch black Enterprise branch at 1 AM in the middle of a bad part of Denver. I can't turn on any lights cuz the cops will come and I'm sitting on the toilet all alone ****ing crying, shitting and puking.

As I'm sitting on the toilet with my pants around my ankles, I realize I've been on the toilet for like a ****ing hour and then I realize. There is no or little heat ****ing on in the building.

By that time I remember the news reports saying it was like -15 degrees or some shit so even though I checked the heat and it said it was on, the place was ****ing like a freezer. Come to find out, the pipes in the building had frozen and there was almost no heat at all.

I can't leave the building because I don't know if George re-set the alarm before he left and I don't want to open the ****ing door.

I'm ****ing cocked, red faced with puke all over my shirt. Chili all over me - a shitty ****ing ass from diarhea and I'm doing jumping jacks at like 3 AM now in the middle of an Enterprise RentA Car branch with no lights on to keep warm.

Bro I was so ****ing cold I thought I was gunna die. So ****ing cold. I debating calling 911 at least 4 or 5 times but I knew I would get fired if I got caught there since I worked for Enterprise too.

I decide to go through the lost and found in the branch which is always filled with a buncha shit people leave in cars.

I shit you not, I found like a purple winter hat (it was like for little girls), like one silver glove and one black leather glove and ****ing suit jacket that has like those ****ing tail things on the end of them. Like the dudes who run the circus or whatever.

I put all that shit on over the clothes I am wearing and I ****ing lay down right in the middle of the Enterprise to try and sleep. I remember my teeth chattering and shivering all night.

I had tried calling George like 20 times but he was cocked and he wasn't picking up his phone. I knew he had to open his branch up at 9 am the next morning.

Somehow from being too drunk I guess, I fall asleep with all this shit on in the middle of the branch.

It's like 7:30 AM in the morning and I get woken up cuz I hear a car door. I ****ing look at the front window and see a ****ing customer coming to the front door.

He gets to the front door and walks right the **** in.

GEORGE FORGOT TO LOCK THE ****ING DOOR!
Customer looks at me.

My face is covered in red blotche and like chili beans. I'm wearing one silver kids glove and one leather glove. and purple winter hat and a top coat with like a hoodie I found covering me up as a blanket.

Guy thought I was homeless sleeping in the branch and ****ing runs out scared all quick and I'm freaking.

Unreal...so I can barely move, my head hurts so ****ing bad it's not funny. I manage to get up and just run out of there.

I walk to like a convenience store and call a cab to take me home.

I didn't recover from that night for like 4 days. I was sick for half a week.

I guess the customer called the cops. Thought I was gunna lose my job, but because I was dressed like a homeless guy the cops came down and talked to George and George just said he forgot to lock the door and some homeless guy must have come in from the cold for shelter.

hahaha.

****ing worst drunk night of my life.

100% true story.

baddog · 11-04-2009, 07:02 PM

what's with all the ****ing?

Babaganoosh · 11-04-2009, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baddog

what's with all the ****ing?

Kind sir, please be aware that GoFuckYourself.com is a family friendly site therefore we do not allow swearing.

NetHorse · 11-04-2009, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baddog

what's with all the ****ing?

I originally posted this on a censored forum..

Spunky · 11-04-2009, 07:10 PM

Was the cigar Cuban?

baddog · 11-04-2009, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NetHorse

I originally posted this on a censored forum..

Wouldn't it have been easier to just eliminate the word entirely? It isn't like it enhanced the story at all. In fact, had the opposite effect as I stopped reading and starting scanning for something of interest.

All I found was. "I didn't recover from that night for like 4 days. I was sick for half a week." which came off as rather redundant.

Babaganoosh · 11-04-2009, 07:16 PM

I have had those burritos. We went to The Church one night and just as we were leaving I said something about being hungry. One of the friends I was with lives in Denver and told me to just get a couple of burritos outside.

I ate them on the way back to his place. When we got back I was able to play a Tiger Woods on the PS2 for about 30 minutes and then spent the rest of the night sitting on the shitter.

NetHorse · 11-04-2009, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baddog

Wouldn't it have been easier to just eliminate the word entirely? It isn't like it enhanced the story at all. In fact, had the opposite effect as I stopped reading and starting scanning for something of interest.

All I found was. "I didn't recover from that night for like 4 days. I was sick for half a week." which came off as rather redundant.

If you didn't want to read the story then you shouldn't have bothered to reply, twice.

react · 11-04-2009, 08:42 PM

Enterprise picks you up.

marketsmart · 11-04-2009, 09:15 PM

cool story bro, but would have been a lot less confusing if you would have used FUCK instead of ****....

MrMaxwell · 11-04-2009, 09:20 PM

Man one time I almost got arrested for getting a little unruly with a .357, when I was loaded, and here is this neighbor girl sucking my dick at 3am and the cops come to my door, I end up answering the door with a raging hard on and when they're helping on with my pants I fall down and start laughing uncontrollably... that's how drunk I've been .. and I only know all of this because it was told to me.. I did NOT get arrested that night and YES she finished the blowjob (THAT I remember) .. then I did really worthless sex in her because I was so drunk
And the cumshot I'll never forget she was 18 or 19 never had a cumshot before.. when it hit her the first time she jumped up and arched at the same time the look on her face was fucking priceless
Well the blowjob she swallowed

Anyway the point is, asshole, your story was too long even for me to get through and it doesn't sound genuine .. I think most of this DID happen but you've embellished some

dav3 · 11-04-2009, 09:28 PM

lol fun story

MrMaxwell · 11-04-2009, 09:33 PM

No no I didn't even get arrested that night
It was awesome
They just talked to me and left
Sorry I'm a little buzzed
I meant I got questioned

GAMEFINEST · 11-04-2009, 09:43 PM

lol crazy shiit...

ahoy · 11-05-2009, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marketsmart

cool story bro, but would have been a lot less confusing if you would have used FUCK instead of ****....

I really hope this is sarcasm.. Could you honestly not figure out what was being said?

11-04-2009, 06:57 PM	#1
NetHorse Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 3,526	One bad night in Denver... Here's the story of the time I almost got arrested for vagrancy (being homeless) when I lived in Denver. 100% True Story. I went out with my buddy George M...after work on a Friday night in downtown Denver. I ran an Enterprise Rent A Car branch in one part of Denver and George ran another branch on another side of town. We go out this one night and it was was like record low temperatures. It was -4, -5 degrees or something like that to this cigar bar. We park in a parking garage and go into this cigar bar and proceed to get shit faced. I hadn't smoked a cigar in years and wasn't prepared about how **ed up it was going to make me after drinking so much gin. I was cocked, probably like 8 gin and tonics and then I bought this 20 dollar cigar. I smoked like half of it and started to get dizzy and turn ing green in the face. I go down to the bathroom of this bar and just start puking everywhere. They ask me to leave cuz I'm puking all over the place so I ask George for his car keys so I can go sleep in his car in the parking garage while he stays at the bar. He gives me his keys except I was new to Denver and completely ing forgot where I parked. I am completely shit faced and I end up walking in the negative -5 degree weather about 3/4 of a mile away from the bar. I just started walking. I finally look up at the street sign and realize I have no ing clue where I am. I am puking every 10 minutes and there is dried spit, snot and puke FROZED to my ing face. I lay down on the sidewalk in front of the ESPN zone and I know a cop came by and was ing with me to figure out what I was doing. He thought I was homeless or some shit. Anyway, I really don't remember much of the conversation with the cop but I remember he put me in a cab and asked him to bring me to a homeless shelter in the city. Now let me tell you. I was wearing a ing white shirt, and a sports jacket. Similar to what a bum might be wearing if he was homeless and just found some hand me down shit at the salvation army...I lost my tie somewhere that I had on. I literally could have passed for a bum. When I throw up I'm like DD. ing violent and I busted almost every blood vessel in my face so my face was all red and blotchy like I was a drunk vagrant. I could easily see how the cop thought I was homeless. Lying down on the sidewalk shivering to ing death with puke and snot all frozen to my face and almost in tears because my stomach hurt so bad. Next thing I know I'm in a can headed to a homeless shelter... So I'm in the cab and I remember bits and pieces of this and I reach down in my pockets and realize I have like ing 13 burritos in my jacket pocket all wrapped in aluminum foil. In Denver, instead of like Sausage or Hot Dog stands outside of the bars on the weekends. They have dudes with little warming bins that sell burritos they made at home and they sell them for like 2 bucks a piece to all the drunk kids coming out of the bars at night. I guess I must have given the mexican guy like 20 ing bucks or some shit. I am laying down in the back seat of this cab NO ing clue where I am or where I'm going. I remember lying there freezing my dick off just shoving burritos in my mouth. the cab driver was a ing Arab of course and I remember I kept trying to feed him one of my burritos. I'm like "dude I have like 20 ing burritos in my pocket take a ing burrito" hes going "no no no no no. No burrito" I remember getting ing violent with the dude at one point and telling him to "EAT A ING BURRITO" and almost ramming it in his face. Dude flips out and throws me the out of his cab right back on the street. It's -5 degrees, I have about 5 burritos left in my pocket, ing cheese and chili all over my face, frozen puke all over my face, frozen boogers coming out of my nose. I'm on ing Colfax Avenue in Denver now and I just start puking again. This time I wouldn't say I'm sobering up but I'm not exactly blacked out anymore either. I'm just like Olsen on a Tuesday night. REALLY ing cocked to the point where I don't give a shit about the cold. I ing realize I know the street of the bar we were at and I hail another taxi cab and ask him to take me to Adams St. and ask if he knows the cigar bar there and he does. ing awesome. I remember going through the same burrito saga with this driver. I'm ing mowing down on these burritos like there's no tomorrow and I keep telling the cabbie to take one from me so I don't eat them all. This dude was mad cool and ate a burrito and dropped me back off. Right in front of the bar 2 hours later...George is waiting at the front for me like "Dude WHERE THE WERE YOU?!?!?!?!?" I had no clue but I had ing chili all over my white shirt, I had busted red blood vessels all over my face including puke on my shirt, shoes. etc. No ing joke. I must have looked like I just ing crawled out of the sewer after having a kegger with the Ninja Turtles or some shit. George was in shock. We ing leave and I remember grabbing a plastic bag and just puking the entire ing ride as George was driving on the ride. George stops at his ing Enterprise Rent A Car branch in the city to take a piss and at this point I had eaten 7 or 8 burritos EASILY. These things are shit too. Worst quality shit in them you could imagine. So I get out of his jeep and go inside the branch with him. It's like 1 AM...he unlocks the front door of his Enterprise branch and I go sit on the toilet in the girls bathroom and my asshole is throwing up non stop. I am ing puking into a plastic bag from beign too drunk at the same time and George told me I was just sitting on the shitter crying, puking and having diarhea. He said I was in so much stomach pain I was just crying for like 20 minutes straight. Hes like DUDE IM GUNNA ING LEAVE YOU HERE Im like LEAVE MEHERE MAN I CANT ING MOVE, JUST COME BACK FOR ME IN THE MORNING. After trying to get me off the shitter for like 10 minutes, he really does ing LEAVE. I'm in a pitch black Enterprise branch at 1 AM in the middle of a bad part of Denver. I can't turn on any lights cuz the cops will come and I'm sitting on the toilet all alone ing crying, shitting and puking. As I'm sitting on the toilet with my pants around my ankles, I realize I've been on the toilet for like a ing hour and then I realize. There is no or little heat ing on in the building. By that time I remember the news reports saying it was like -15 degrees or some shit so even though I checked the heat and it said it was on, the place was ing like a freezer. Come to find out, the pipes in the building had frozen and there was almost no heat at all. I can't leave the building because I don't know if George re-set the alarm before he left and I don't want to open the ing door. I'm ing cocked, red faced with puke all over my shirt. Chili all over me - a shitty ing ass from diarhea and I'm doing jumping jacks at like 3 AM now in the middle of an Enterprise RentA Car branch with no lights on to keep warm. Bro I was so ing cold I thought I was gunna die. So ing cold. I debating calling 911 at least 4 or 5 times but I knew I would get fired if I got caught there since I worked for Enterprise too. I decide to go through the lost and found in the branch which is always filled with a buncha shit people leave in cars. I shit you not, I found like a purple winter hat (it was like for little girls), like one silver glove and one black leather glove and ing suit jacket that has like those ing tail things on the end of them. Like the dudes who run the circus or whatever. I put all that shit on over the clothes I am wearing and I ing lay down right in the middle of the Enterprise to try and sleep. I remember my teeth chattering and shivering all night. I had tried calling George like 20 times but he was cocked and he wasn't picking up his phone. I knew he had to open his branch up at 9 am the next morning. Somehow from being too drunk I guess, I fall asleep with all this shit on in the middle of the branch. It's like 7:30 AM in the morning and I get woken up cuz I hear a car door. I ing look at the front window and see a ing customer coming to the front door. He gets to the front door and walks right the in. GEORGE FORGOT TO LOCK THE ING DOOR! Customer looks at me. My face is covered in red blotche and like chili beans. I'm wearing one silver kids glove and one leather glove. and purple winter hat and a top coat with like a hoodie I found covering me up as a blanket. Guy thought I was homeless sleeping in the branch and ing runs out scared all quick and I'm freaking. Unreal...so I can barely move, my head hurts so ing bad it's not funny. I manage to get up and just run out of there. I walk to like a convenience store and call a cab to take me home. I didn't recover from that night for like 4 days. I was sick for half a week. I guess the customer called the cops. Thought I was gunna lose my job, but because I was dressed like a homeless guy the cops came down and talked to George and George just said he forgot to lock the door and some homeless guy must have come in from the cold for shelter. hahaha. ing worst drunk night of my life. 100% true story. __________________ ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ ICQ # 427013273**

11-04-2009, 07:10 PM	#5
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,928	Was the cigar Cuban? __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

11-04-2009, 07:16 PM	#7
Babaganoosh ♥♥♥ Likes Hugs ♥♥♥ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: /home Posts: 15,841	I have had those burritos. We went to The Church one night and just as we were leaving I said something about being hungry. One of the friends I was with lives in Denver and told me to just get a couple of burritos outside. I ate them on the way back to his place. When we got back I was able to play a Tiger Woods on the PS2 for about 30 minutes and then spent the rest of the night sitting on the shitter. __________________ I like pie.

11-04-2009, 08:42 PM	#9
react Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NZ Posts: 673	Enterprise picks you up. __________________ -- react

11-04-2009, 09:28 PM	#12
dav3 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 7,348	lol fun story __________________ Webmasters :: Juicy Ads :: ACWM :: Crak Revenue :: Money Tree

11-04-2009, 07:02 PM	#2
baddog So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: the beach, SoCal Posts: 107,089	what's with all the ****ing?

11-04-2009, 09:15 PM	#10
marketsmart HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane Posts: 20,419	cool story bro, but would have been a lot less confusing if you would have used FUCK instead of ****....

11-04-2009, 09:20 PM	#11
MrMaxwell Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 10,057	Man one time I almost got arrested for getting a little unruly with a .357, when I was loaded, and here is this neighbor girl sucking my dick at 3am and the cops come to my door, I end up answering the door with a raging hard on and when they're helping on with my pants I fall down and start laughing uncontrollably... that's how drunk I've been .. and I only know all of this because it was told to me.. I did NOT get arrested that night and YES she finished the blowjob (THAT I remember) .. then I did really worthless sex in her because I was so drunk And the cumshot I'll never forget she was 18 or 19 never had a cumshot before.. when it hit her the first time she jumped up and arched at the same time the look on her face was fucking priceless Well the blowjob she swallowed Anyway the point is, asshole, your story was too long even for me to get through and it doesn't sound genuine .. I think most of this DID happen but you've embellished some

11-04-2009, 09:33 PM	#13
MrMaxwell Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 10,057	No no I didn't even get arrested that night It was awesome They just talked to me and left Sorry I'm a little buzzed I meant I got questioned

11-04-2009, 09:43 PM	#14
GAMEFINEST Make STACK$ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: sexy time Posts: 14,419	lol crazy shiit... __________________ Compound interest.