The 14 People You Meet in the Apple Store

[Juicy D. Links]

heheheh

http://www.hazardouspaste.com/2009/0...e-apple-store/



Edit............ just click the link above easier to read

Part 1: EMPLOYEES
Decked out in their Jobs-esque minimalist attire and lanyards around their neck, Apple Store employees educate and manage the flock.
The Enthusiastic Specialist- This one is heard before they?re seen. Even though they don?t really know anything about Macs (or computers in general), they?re quick to mention how Macs are ?5 times more secure? than Windows before quickly switching to a smooth video demo of the newest iLife suite. When not harassing a customer, the Enthusiastic Specialist can be found hovering between the iPod and iPhone tables, asking if you need help finding either of them.

Apple Stores are so hard to find things in. Good thing there?s a Specialist right over there to help you out!
The Asian Concierge- You know, the one that is obnoxiously carrying around the Macbook Air and whose sole purpose in life is to press the little radio button next to your name when you arrive for a Genius Bar appointment?
The Hot Girl- Eye candy for those who bother to look up from those nice, shiny glossy screens. Upside: almost always friendly and helpful. Downside? Doesn?t know a thing about computers.
The Black-Rimmed Glasses Guy/Girl- I must admit that the black-rimmed glasses stereotype is often crossed with any of the others mentioned in this list. I?ll just abbreviate as BRGG from now on. The BRGG wanders nebulously between the tables and customers, never actually doing any work besides going into the back of the store to replenish the store?s display stock of iPod accessories. Occasionally they can be found greeting customers at the door, an instant and gratifying reminder that they are in a place where people Think Different.
The Dour Store Manager- Oh, the toils of a crusader against the evils of Microsoft. The DSM stands behind his Geniuses and shifts his stare to and fro each of the employees on the show room floor in a manner that would make Sauron green with envy. Never smiling, he or she moves with surprising speed when leaving their lair- walking in straight lines from point A to B on a mission to SELL.
The Intense Genius- Anyone that has had the experience of repeated visits to the Apple Store can attest to the reality that you never really know which kind you?re going to get. Personally I?ve found that they are at either end of two main alignments: Knowleadgeable/Stupid and Helpful/Condescending. By far the most common breed fits the Knowleadgeable/Condescending combo; as soon as they get their hands on your laptop they open ?About This Mac? to check the serial number and then immediately rip open the battery bay to confirm it. They then politely explain either how you don?t have AppleCare and replacing your SuperDrive will cost $400 and take 7-10 business days, or how the repair will be free under warranty but will still take 7-10 business days.
The Tall, White, Aspiring Band Leader- This one is all-too-happy to demo the token synthesizer/Mac setup, and usually runs whatever GarageBand workshop the store is holding that week. With a minimum height of at least 6 feet and usually with some sort of beard and a ?hip? haircut, the TWABL sends a strong message: Mac users are of good stock.
The Ex-Wishful Fanboy- (see below for description of ?The Wishful Fanboy?) Often the employee of ?shall we say, ?odd? physical proportions, you can usually tell these from the rest when they start dropping terms like ?Unix framework? or ?chip architecture? during their pitch. I never fault them though, they?ve all found their version of heaven on Earth, and it never hurts to have employees that want to espouse their love for the product on a daily basis.
Token Minority- I ultimately decided to put this one in there, but before you start labeling me just realize that I?m simply stating the truth. There?s always a a person of African descent, from the Asian subcontinent, or a Latino employee weaving between the display tables. It?s not racism, it?s diversity.
Part 2: CUSTOMERS

Sheep without shephards before being shown the light of OS X.

The Clueless Father- Usually well dressed in khaki pants, loafers, and a button down shirt, the Clueless father is led in succession from the Macbook to the Macbook Pro to the iMac to the Mac Pro, constantly assaulted with the catchphrases espoused by the Apple faithful. Sometimes accompanied by a teenage daughter or son who are only excited that they are getting a Mac (and they don?t care which one! As long as it?s shiny!), the Clueless Father is mainly there for his plastic.
The Teenage Gaggle- This group of middle-school Feist fans huddle around the iPod touch table now that myspace and facebook have been banned from Apple Store computers. On occasion a member of the Gaggle ventures over to the Macbook table, where they proceed to open Photobooth and take pictures of themselves peering over the edge of the ?tunnel? Photobooth effect or giving the Macbook the finger. After staying for an hour or three sampling all of the music that the iPods have to offer, when pressed by the Black-rimmed Glasses Girl to buy something they usually select the cheapest iTunes Music Store Gift Card available.
The Wishful Fanboy- Ironically, the staunchest defenders of Apple?s generally-more-expensive-for-the-same-equipment pricing structure are those that can afford it least. Taking a break from their daily rounds to digg to MacRumors to Appleinsider to slashdot, the Wishful Fanboys are generally seen shaking their heads at any demo machine with Parallels or a visible Windows partition or running their fingers and sighing wistfully over the smooth curves of? the newest Macbook Pro.
The iPhone Business Man- This one is easy to spot, since he?s the only person in the entire store wearing respectable clothing of any sort. This tall, gaunt specimen would be turning a huge profit if his iPhone could give him turn-by-turn directions to his next meeting, so instead he?s frantically tapping out an e-mail to his secretary asking to stall for more time.
The Single Woman with a Broken iPod- While at first glance this one is harder to spot than say, the iPhone Business Man, but the Single Woman with Broken iPod is ever present in the Apple Store. You know its her because as soon as she sits down at the Genius Bar for an iPod appointment, she pulls out of her gigantic purse a genuine third-generation iPod (or alternatively first-generation Mini, pink) in a silicon case. After the Intense Genius explains that it will cost almost as much for Apple to fix this as it would to buy a new one, she is handed off to the Enthusiastic Specialist who leads her to the iPod table.

Edit............ just click the link above easier to read

Edit............ just click the link above easier to read

Edit............ just click the link above easier to read

[Juicy D. Links]

burPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

[Wizzo]

I really want to go into the apple store and pickup ipad and start screaming into it like its a giant iphone...


https://youtube.com/watch?v=QRWRJtIY5to

[jimmy-3-way]

Originally Posted by Wizzo

I really want to go into the apple store and pickup ipad and start screaming into it like its a giant iphone...


https://youtube.com/watch?v=QRWRJtIY5to

Not very original - on every visit to an Apple store since it came out I have seen a person do this.

I'm sure for employees that it was funny...maybe the first 9000000000000 times.

Anyway there's one type missing - the most coveted Apple employee. The slacker genius. If you run into a slacker genius be prepared for happiness. The last time I ran into him he gave me a free pair of replacement headphones.

[kane]

Apple Fanboys. . . they have the hottest swimwear too.

[CunningStunt]

Funny as hell.