6 Things From History Everyone Pictures Incorrectly - GoFuckYourself.com

ShellyCrash · 07-06-2010, 03:56 PM

A friend of mine sent this to me and I found it pretty interesting-

Quote:

It's a running theme here at Cracked that a lot of what we think we know about history has been filtered through many centuries of utter bullshit. Our image of the past is largely made up of Hollywood inventions, propaganda and uneducated guesses.

So you will probably be surprised to find that...

#6.The Pyramids Were Smooth, White and Shiny

The Perception:

We get so busy being amazed by the Pyramids, with their massive, meticulously layered sandy golden bricks, that we forget that what we're seeing are the broken-down remnants. If you could see them new, you'd barely recognize them. They were much more awesome back then.

The Reality:

What we think of today as the Pyramids are really just the exposed layers of the structural base. The original pyramids lit up like the Times Square of ancient Egypt. Egyptians were all about having the maximum amount of glittery goodness, especially when it came to death.

Pharaohs liked tacky shit? We would have never guessed.

And since the Pyramids were the tombs of the pharaohs, they made sure they were the biggest, most sparkly things of all. The original outside consisted of smooth, white limestone that hid the layers of brick, giving the effect that a pyramid was one giant solid piece. Don't take our word for it; you can still see bits of that decorative layer on some of them:

That outer crunchy candy shell was then polished until it was on the verge of blinding from all the light it would reflect from the sun or moon. It was said that they could be seen from miles away, even during the night.

Of course that wasn't enough, so the capstone was then plated in gold or electrum. Had the technology existed, we're sure the pharaohs would have stuck 24-inch chrome rims on them, too....

Full Article w/ 5 more @ Cracked.com

woj · 07-06-2010, 04:08 PM

"Had the technology existed, we're sure the pharaohs would have stuck 24-inch chrome rims on them, too."

xNetworx · 07-06-2010, 04:12 PM

That was cool

dav3 · 07-06-2010, 04:31 PM

i love cracked

garce · 07-06-2010, 04:47 PM

I used to buy that magazine all the time when I was a kid

fatfoo · 07-06-2010, 05:03 PM

Good luck remembering history correctly.
Sometimes people have trouble remembering what they saw in first person.
I like the dinosaur at the right of the header. It looks very nice.

Grapesoda · 07-06-2010, 05:35 PM

king tut had a grill!

pornguy · 07-06-2010, 06:18 PM

I had read about that as well.

Kool either way.

Caligari · 07-06-2010, 07:09 PM

great stuff! since when did cracked get so informative? i thought they were always along the lines of Mad, which in retrospect was informative in its cynical satire.

but out and out info articles...

rogueteens · 07-06-2010, 08:55 PM

oh, come on! All of those examples on that site are well known and pretty obvious. If you didn't know them then you must have had a really poor education.

psili · 07-06-2010, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rogueteens

oh, come on! All of those examples on that site are well known and pretty obvious. If you didn't know them then you must have had a really poor education.

You were taught ninja, viking and pilgrim wear in school? And that velociraptors had feathers? I might be able to agree about the Greeks painting everything "ghey" color schemes, and the pyramids being all white and stuff, but I generally find your comment to be bullshit otherwise.

Chosen · 07-06-2010, 10:06 PM

I don't trust anyone who claims that he has complete knowledge of anything....

ottopottomouse · 07-07-2010, 03:38 AM

Knew some of that but not all of it.

#2.Jesus Looked Nothing Like the Paintings
Can't remember who it was but may have been King Henry VIII who chose a wife from a painting and got fucked over by the artist

EliteWebmaster · 07-07-2010, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by woj

"Had the technology existed, we're sure the pharaohs would have stuck 24-inch chrome rims on them, too."

Bling Bling

ShellyCrash · 07-07-2010, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

Knew some of that but not all of it.

#2.Jesus Looked Nothing Like the Paintings
Can't remember who it was but may have been King Henry VIII who chose a wife from a painting and got fucked over by the artist

You're right, it was Henery the VIII, the chick was Anne of Cleaves - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_of_Cleaves

rogueteens · 07-07-2010, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psili

You were taught ninja, viking and pilgrim wear in school? And that velociraptors had feathers? I might be able to agree about the Greeks painting everything "ghey" color schemes, and the pyramids being all white and stuff, but I generally find your comment to be bullshit otherwise.

You honestly thought that vikings had big horns in their helmets and all that? :D And yeah, the rest of that stuff is basic schoolboy education. except for the velociraptor having feathers, for me at last as it is a theory brought in after i'd left school but even then the idea that dinosaurs had at least some feathers has been around for at least 40 years.

Sandokan · 07-07-2010, 06:11 AM

that`s cool infos about the pyramids

spazlabz · 07-07-2010, 06:15 AM

History is written by the conquerors.... archeologist are finding new information that debunks history all the time.... man I need to stop watching the history channel

Caligari · 07-07-2010, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spazlabz

History is written by the conquerors.... archeologist are finding new information that debunks history all the time.... man I need to stop watching the history channel

which proves one thing...the so called "conquerors" are the ultimate losers to the truth, and while this doesn't help the people they maimed, slaughtered and enslaved it does forever change the way history will look at them.

Archeology is sexy.

pradaboy · 07-07-2010, 06:36 AM

I have wasted so many hours on Cracked... thanks for getting me hooked again lol

ShellyCrash · 07-07-2010, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spazlabz

History is written by the conquerors.... archeologist are finding new information that debunks history all the time.... man I need to stop watching the history channel

No kidding. Zahi Hawass is so full of shit it drives me crazy.

I don't know if you follow any ancient egypt documentaries, and I'm not sure what his actual title is, but in a nutshell Hawass is pretty much the top egyptologist overseeing all archeology in the region for the Egytpian government. What makes me crazy is he does all these specials on History and Discovery, etc etc and he presents his theories as facts. When new information comes out and contradicts what he put out there before he just changes the story in the next special w/o skipping a beat.

If you watch something made even just a few years ago vs something made today it's like night and day. So what he told us he knew for fact backed by all this "evidence" was all bullshit and misinterpretation but NOW he wants us to believe he knows what he's talking about?

I just appreciate when theories are presented as just that, theories. I like a "this is what we found and this is what we think it might mean" set up. Our concept of history and the truth of actual events will always be skewed.

ShellyCrash · 07-07-2010, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pradaboy

I have wasted so many hours on Cracked... thanks for getting me hooked again lol

Glad I could help

We all need a mental break sometimes.

seeandsee · 07-07-2010, 07:09 AM

I like that site, very good articles for read

07-06-2010, 04:31 PM	#4
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07-06-2010, 07:09 PM	#9
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07-06-2010, 08:55 PM	#10
rogueteens So fucking bland Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: England Posts: 8,005	oh, come on! All of those examples on that site are well known and pretty obvious. If you didn't know them then you must have had a really poor education. __________________ Free traffic and backlinks from one of the fastest growing adult pinsites on the net - SAUCY PICTURES! Easily my best performing webcam sponsor - CLICK HERE!!

07-07-2010, 03:38 AM	#13
ottopottomouse She is ugly, bad luck. Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 13,177	Knew some of that but not all of it. #2.Jesus Looked Nothing Like the Paintings Can't remember who it was but may have been King Henry VIII who chose a wife from a painting and got fucked over by the artist __________________ ↑ see post ↑ 13101

07-06-2010, 04:08 PM	#2
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07-06-2010, 05:03 PM	#6
fatfoo ICQ:649699063 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 27,763	Good luck remembering history correctly. Sometimes people have trouble remembering what they saw in first person. I like the dinosaur at the right of the header. It looks very nice. __________________ Send me an email: [email protected]

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Sandokan Confirmed User Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 222	that`s cool infos about the pyramids

07-07-2010, 06:15 AM	#18
spazlabz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Kentucky Posts: 6,548	History is written by the conquerors.... archeologist are finding new information that debunks history all the time.... man I need to stop watching the history channel

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