Hilarious Poems: Shithouse Poets........Add Yours
 

Sometimes I just can't find the words
To tell you how I feel
But rest assured when I tell you
That how I feel is real

The way it burns from deep inside
I can't wait until I see ya
So I can thank you face to face
For giving me Gonorrhea.

:1orglaugh

Next.......
 

I am not a dog
I am not a cat
I am not a log
I am not a gnat

I am a goldfish
A goldfish through and through
And hanging from my ass
Is a long brown strand of pooh

You always forget to feed me
And last night I cried
Tonight I'll jump from my bowl
And commit fishy suicide

again.........
 

My brother is ill
He has spinal meningitis
My mother has green poop
That's a symptom of colitis

Jill works at the strip club
She's an erotic dancer
She does a show with a broomstick
Now she has ovarian cancer

Kevin is blind like Ray Charles
That's why he wears shades
He also has sex with monkeys
That's why he has AIDS

Southbound on 35
 

I'm on my way back home,
Heading southbound on 35.
The wind greets me with a cool hello,
Reminding me I'm still alive.

I can't wait to see my baby,
Mom says she's quite a catch.
But if I find out she's been fucking Jerry,
I'm gonna kill that bag of snatch.

That's perfect :)
Is there any more somewhere online?

Deadly Vapor
 

Here I sit in deadly vapor,
Wishing for some toilet paper.
How long, I wonder, must I linger,
Before I'm forced to use my finger?

Condom Machine
 

Found printed on a condom machine.


"This is the worst chewing-gum I have ever had!"

Wife
 

Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom:

"My wife follows me everywhere."

Written just below it:

"I do not."

Aim
 

One over a Urinal:

"We aim to please.

You AIM TOO, PLEASE!"

Dad
 

(in a large nasty scrawl)

"I fucked your mother!"



(below it in smaller more precise script)

"Go home Dad, you're drunk!"

anyone see on complete savages show today
those two young 14 year old kids, they are like the book worm type
they like each other, both are shy, he got real confident for a brief sec
after negotiating with his bro

she said wow you are such a good negotiator

he goes "how about I negotiate the bra to come off and let those two hostages go" it was unexpected coming from him.

complete silence followed

Diarrhea cha cha cha
 

Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag,
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !

If you're climbing up a ladder
And you feel something splatter,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sitting on your bed
And you feel something spread,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

Birdie Birdie
 

Birdie, birdie, in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye;
I don't worry, I don't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

The Wagons
 

The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
Man was killed by flying turd!

Ode to Bush
 

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan.

Me Mudder
 

When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red?
Me Mudder.

Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart?
Me Mudder.

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit?
Me Mudder.

When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep!"
Me Fadder.

Those are pretty funny...where did you get them?

Truman is true
 

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."


- Harry S Truman

Wha?
 

What you say to someone who is hard to understand?


"You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples."

Morning Poem
 

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
(I am not a morning person!)

Hero
 

On the wall of the stall:

Anybody can piss on the floor..to inpress me, be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

And someone had thrown something brown up on the ceiling and then left this message:

OK. I'm a hero, now where's my medal!

The Bathroom
 

This is a place to spill your guts
Not a place to bust your nuts.

So keep it nice and keep it neat
Go someplace else to beat your meat.

:1orglaugh

Kfc
 

Why is a woman like KFC?

Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

the angle
 

You are at a 45 degree angle.


(This inscription was located in the bottom front corner of the stall, in small enough print that you had to bend over to read it).

This was written on the inside of the stall door.

In large writing:

If you can read this is your sight is average.
Slightly smaller:

If you can read this you have pretty good eyes.
Really small:

If you can read this you have sight like an eagle.
Super small:

If you can read this you are shitting on the floor.

a funny one that gave me a laugh along the interstate near El Paso:


"here i sit, with cheeks a'flexin'

trying to give birth to another Texan"

LOL those a great

Gee, you really are a shithouse poet.

eat shit, one billion flies cant be wrong!

:1orglaugh