Hilarious Poems: Shithouse Poets........Add Yours - GoFuckYourself.com

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 09:39 PM

Sometimes I just can't find the words
To tell you how I feel
But rest assured when I tell you
That how I feel is real

The way it burns from deep inside
I can't wait until I see ya
So I can thank you face to face
For giving me Gonorrhea.

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 09:40 PM

I am not a dog
I am not a cat
I am not a log
I am not a gnat

I am a goldfish
A goldfish through and through
And hanging from my ass
Is a long brown strand of pooh

You always forget to feed me
And last night I cried
Tonight I'll jump from my bowl
And commit fishy suicide

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 09:42 PM

My brother is ill
He has spinal meningitis
My mother has green poop
That's a symptom of colitis

Jill works at the strip club
She's an erotic dancer
She does a show with a broomstick
Now she has ovarian cancer

Kevin is blind like Ray Charles
That's why he wears shades
He also has sex with monkeys
That's why he has AIDS

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 09:44 PM

I'm on my way back home,
Heading southbound on 35.
The wind greets me with a cool hello,
Reminding me I'm still alive.

I can't wait to see my baby,
Mom says she's quite a catch.
But if I find out she's been fucking Jerry,
I'm gonna kill that bag of snatch.

prezzz · 01-14-2005, 09:48 PM

That's perfect

Is there any more somewhere online?

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:01 PM

Here I sit in deadly vapor,
Wishing for some toilet paper.
How long, I wonder, must I linger,
Before I'm forced to use my finger?

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:03 PM

Found printed on a condom machine.

"This is the worst chewing-gum I have ever had!"

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:04 PM

Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom:

"My wife follows me everywhere."

Written just below it:

"I do not."

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:10 PM

One over a Urinal:

"We aim to please.

You AIM TOO, PLEASE!"

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:11 PM

(in a large nasty scrawl)

"I fucked your mother!"

(below it in smaller more precise script)

"Go home Dad, you're drunk!"

HighRoller · 01-14-2005, 10:16 PM

anyone see on complete savages show today
those two young 14 year old kids, they are like the book worm type
they like each other, both are shy, he got real confident for a brief sec
after negotiating with his bro

she said wow you are such a good negotiator

he goes "how about I negotiate the bra to come off and let those two hostages go" it was unexpected coming from him.

complete silence followed

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:16 PM

Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag,
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
Diarrhea cha cha cha!
When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
Diarrhea cha cha cha !
When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool,
Diarrhea cha cha cha !

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:17 PM

If you're climbing up a ladder
And you feel something splatter,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
If you're sitting on your bed
And you feel something spread,
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:19 PM

Birdie, birdie, in the sky
Dropped some whitewash in my eye;
I don't worry, I don't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:21 PM

The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
Man was killed by flying turd!

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:23 PM

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan.

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:27 PM

When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red?
Me Mudder.

Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart?
Me Mudder.

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit?
Me Mudder.

When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep!"
Me Fadder.

Entropy · 01-14-2005, 10:27 PM

Those are pretty funny...where did you get them?

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:39 PM

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."

- Harry S Truman

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:40 PM

What you say to someone who is hard to understand?

"You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples."

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:45 PM

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
(I am not a morning person!)

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:47 PM

On the wall of the stall:

Anybody can piss on the floor..to inpress me, be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

And someone had thrown something brown up on the ceiling and then left this message:

OK. I'm a hero, now where's my medal!

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:50 PM

This is a place to spill your guts
Not a place to bust your nuts.

So keep it nice and keep it neat
Go someplace else to beat your meat.

Bansheelinks · 01-14-2005, 10:52 PM

Why is a woman like KFC?

Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Bansheelinks · 01-15-2005, 09:09 AM

You are at a 45 degree angle.

(This inscription was located in the bottom front corner of the stall, in small enough print that you had to bend over to read it).

Bansheelinks · 01-15-2005, 01:01 PM

This was written on the inside of the stall door.

In large writing:

If you can read this is your sight is average.
Slightly smaller:

If you can read this you have pretty good eyes.
Really small:

If you can read this you have sight like an eagle.
Super small:

If you can read this you are shitting on the floor.

latinasojourn · 01-15-2005, 01:47 PM

a funny one that gave me a laugh along the interstate near El Paso:

"here i sit, with cheeks a'flexin'

trying to give birth to another Texan"

Dildozer · 01-15-2005, 01:54 PM

LOL those a great

TheMob · 01-15-2005, 02:14 PM

Gee, you really are a shithouse poet.

grumpy · 01-15-2005, 02:24 PM

eat shit, one billion flies cant be wrong!

Bansheelinks · 01-15-2005, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grumpy

eat shit, one billion flies cant be wrong!

01-14-2005, 09:39 PM	#1
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Hilarious Poems: Shithouse Poets........Add Yours Sometimes I just can't find the words To tell you how I feel But rest assured when I tell you That how I feel is real The way it burns from deep inside I can't wait until I see ya So I can thank you face to face For giving me Gonorrhea.

01-14-2005, 09:40 PM	#2
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Next....... I am not a dog I am not a cat I am not a log I am not a gnat I am a goldfish A goldfish through and through And hanging from my ass Is a long brown strand of pooh You always forget to feed me And last night I cried Tonight I'll jump from my bowl And commit fishy suicide

01-14-2005, 09:42 PM	#3
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	again......... My brother is ill He has spinal meningitis My mother has green poop That's a symptom of colitis Jill works at the strip club She's an erotic dancer She does a show with a broomstick Now she has ovarian cancer Kevin is blind like Ray Charles That's why he wears shades He also has sex with monkeys That's why he has AIDS

01-14-2005, 09:44 PM	#4
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Southbound on 35 I'm on my way back home, Heading southbound on 35. The wind greets me with a cool hello, Reminding me I'm still alive. I can't wait to see my baby, Mom says she's quite a catch. But if I find out she's been fucking Jerry, I'm gonna kill that bag of snatch.

01-14-2005, 10:01 PM	#6
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Deadly Vapor Here I sit in deadly vapor, Wishing for some toilet paper. How long, I wonder, must I linger, Before I'm forced to use my finger?

01-14-2005, 09:48 PM	#5
prezzz Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 959	That's perfect Is there any more somewhere online?

01-14-2005, 10:03 PM	#7
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Condom Machine Found printed on a condom machine. "This is the worst chewing-gum I have ever had!"

01-14-2005, 10:04 PM	#8
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Wife Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom: "My wife follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not."

01-14-2005, 10:10 PM	#9
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Aim One over a Urinal: "We aim to please. You AIM TOO, PLEASE!"

01-14-2005, 10:11 PM	#10
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Dad (in a large nasty scrawl) "I fucked your mother!" (below it in smaller more precise script) "Go home Dad, you're drunk!"

01-14-2005, 10:16 PM	#11
HighRoller Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: MN Posts: 1,037	anyone see on complete savages show today those two young 14 year old kids, they are like the book worm type they like each other, both are shy, he got real confident for a brief sec after negotiating with his bro she said wow you are such a good negotiator he goes "how about I negotiate the bra to come off and let those two hostages go" it was unexpected coming from him. complete silence followed

01-14-2005, 10:16 PM	#12
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Diarrhea cha cha cha Diarrhea cha cha cha ! Diarrhea cha cha cha ! When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag, Diarrhea cha cha cha! Diarrhea cha cha cha! When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion, Diarrhea cha cha cha ! Diarrhea cha cha cha ! When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain, Diarrhea cha cha cha ! Diarrhea cha cha cha ! When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool, Diarrhea cha cha cha !

01-14-2005, 10:17 PM	#13
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	If you're climbing up a ladder And you feel something splatter, Diarrhea! Diarrhea! If you're sitting on your bed And you feel something spread, Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

01-14-2005, 10:19 PM	#14
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Birdie Birdie Birdie, birdie, in the sky Dropped some whitewash in my eye; I don't worry, I don't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

01-14-2005, 10:21 PM	#15
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	The Wagons The days were old, the nights were blue, And through the alleys the shit wagons flew. A bump was hit, a cry was heard, Man was killed by flying turd!

01-14-2005, 10:23 PM	#16
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Ode to Bush Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin', Giving birth to another Texan.

01-14-2005, 10:27 PM	#17
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Me Mudder When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red? Me Mudder. Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart? Me Mudder. Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit? Me Mudder. When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep!" Me Fadder.

01-14-2005, 10:27 PM	#18
Entropy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Somewhere Posts: 4,128	Those are pretty funny...where did you get them? __________________ The Gay Market Is Where The Money's At! AlleyBucks Is The Queer Eye For Straight Webmaster Guys CCBill Based Affiliate Program With Hosted Galleries ICQ: 226-359-635

01-14-2005, 10:39 PM	#19
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Truman is true "Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." - Harry S Truman

01-14-2005, 10:40 PM	#20
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Wha? What you say to someone who is hard to understand? "You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples."

01-14-2005, 10:45 PM	#21
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Morning Poem I woke early one morning, The earth lay cool and still. When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill. He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away. He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, brought up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently shut the window And crushed his fucking head. (I am not a morning person!)

01-14-2005, 10:47 PM	#22
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Hero On the wall of the stall: Anybody can piss on the floor..to inpress me, be a hero and shit on the ceiling. And someone had thrown something brown up on the ceiling and then left this message: OK. I'm a hero, now where's my medal!

01-14-2005, 10:50 PM	#23
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	The Bathroom This is a place to spill your guts Not a place to bust your nuts. So keep it nice and keep it neat Go someplace else to beat your meat.

01-14-2005, 10:52 PM	#24
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	Kfc Why is a woman like KFC? Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

01-15-2005, 09:09 AM	#25
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	the angle You are at a 45 degree angle. (This inscription was located in the bottom front corner of the stall, in small enough print that you had to bend over to read it).

01-15-2005, 01:01 PM	#26
Bansheelinks Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 6,023	This was written on the inside of the stall door. In large writing: If you can read this is your sight is average. Slightly smaller: If you can read this you have pretty good eyes. Really small: If you can read this you have sight like an eagle. Super small: If you can read this you are shitting on the floor.

01-15-2005, 01:47 PM	#27
latinasojourn Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 3,191	a funny one that gave me a laugh along the interstate near El Paso: "here i sit, with cheeks a'flexin' trying to give birth to another Texan"

01-15-2005, 01:54 PM	#28
Dildozer Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Montreal Posts: 7,519	LOL those a great

01-15-2005, 02:14 PM	#29
TheMob Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: 2006 Posts: 8,584	Gee, you really are a shithouse poet.

01-15-2005, 02:24 PM	#30
grumpy Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Holland Posts: 9,870	eat shit, one billion flies cant be wrong! __________________ Don't let greediness blur your vision \| You gotta let some shit slide icq - 441-456-888