Press Releases? Really? Are you a fucking retard?
 

I understand the need to make announcements... but for the love of christ, you aren't exactly sending this to CNN or AP or Reuters.

You can't just make an announcement saying "here's the deal..." ??? you have to crack open Press Releases for Dummies and write a press release about yourself as if you are just about to launch a new drug to cure cancer and are seeking investors or as if General Electric just hired a new CEO?

And please... for the love of God... if you feel compelled to write a standard "press release" as if it really matters in this business... don't talk about yourself in the 3rd person. that only makes it worse. its fake and its condescending. Besides... why the fuck do people in this industry hire people... then make them write press releases about themselves and post them on every forum in the first place?

The only thing that is worse than all the fake press releases is watching 50 useless, sycophant, ass kissing jackoffs congratulate you.

Companies in this industry have a short lifespan... employees have an even shorter lifespan. In 90% of cases, congratulating someone for getting a job in this biz is like congratulating a whore for sucking a cock in a different part of town. not really much point to it... besides, we all know how it will end "i've decided to move on, our parting was amicable, they are a great bunch of guys, i wish them nothing but the best... and i've got some really great things cooking that i'm really excited about, so stay tuned!!..." YAAAWWWWWN!

Congrats bro. Mike is a top notch guy and awesome to work with :thumbsup

June 23 2008

For Immediate Release


Yo I am so messed up from weekend


-Thx

JUicy


lololl thats my PR for weekend

Haha, that was awesome :winkwink:

methinks someone didn't get and nookie this weekend. :helpme

(writes about himself on behalf of the "company")

"XXX Pimp Porn Cash Bucks Players is very excited to welcome Unemployable Nomad on board. He brings to the company, 3 months of well rounded industry experience and we are very lucky and excited to have him working with us and expect only great things in the future. When asked about this opportunity, Unemployable Nomad replied "I am confident that our new scratch and sniff internet porn for mobile phones users in 3 small villages in South Western Moldova is going to take that market by storm and I couldn't ask for a better company to be bringing my super genius ideas to fruition and that are positioned better to make this project a great success"

3 months later

"To all my friends and associates, today I am parting ways with XXX Pimp Porn Cash Bucks Players to pursue my own ventures. it was just time to move on and do my own thing. The parting is amicable and they are a great bunch of guys, running a great program. Stand up.. top notch. All the way. No drama here. I love them. No, i wasn't fired. Not sure where that rumor came from. I have some really great projects that I am working on and that I am extremely excited about, so stay tuned for some really amazing announcements. If you need to contact me, please use my usual hotmail address"

actually, quite the opposite.. i am afraid i got chlamydia this weekend.

:Oh crap Sorry about that. I thought the pills had knocked it out already. :(

my attorneys are currently investigating your possible legal liabilities for insisting you were wearing a condom when in fact, you clearly weren't. additionally, we will subpoena your medical records and extensive depositions with your past boyfriends.

of course, we are open to settlement discussions

I agree that the standard press release isn't suitable for the boards, but it is necessary for the various industry publications.

Marketing 101 - make the message fit the media

A lazy marketer won't take the time to write 2 different communications.

I agree, they are rather stupid, especially the annoying 3rd person ones

Do you really care man??

Sad isnt it? These anouncements are just too funny. They sound as if theres a new president in the white house while its just another retard sales rep who will be gone before i can remember his name.

Man if i got a dollar for everytime...

ahhahahahahahahahaha

finally, well said.

every time I read one of those the very first thought that comes to mind is "pretentious asshole"

Bwahahahahaha!!

That pretty much nails it. Nice. :thumbsup

Sorry man, it was the first and only time my daughter turned 2, I'll refrain myself from further press releases regarding our trip to burger king and the playground :2 cents:
P.S. does that also exclude press releases about her potty training?

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one!

you've sucked so much virtual cock on this board that i'm totally surprised you haven't drowned in a pool of sperm

you must wear a life jacket when you post

http://www.gofuckyourself.com/search...archid=2319785

Sorry - no matches. Please try some different terms.

:( I also feel this biz needs some more original ways.. I'm also pretty tired of those webmasters making themselves a welcome thread on the boards under their models name and having 432423 bumpers welcome him (her) Like they really have no clue its not really her posting :(

his most recent posts today...:

I'll be watching this thread closely....
We love you too Juicy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you really care man??
Pathetic or not, that guy will be banking from it.
Happy birthday man!!
That's great news!!
That seems like an awesome trip to go with single friends!
Some nice pics there!!
They're really hot girls!
Hot girls!!
Nice...good luck!
Looks great!
She has a nice body!!!
Looks nice!!
Hot pics!
Hahaha...nice
First one!
Nice list!!
The last one is scary!!
They're hot!!!

:thumbsup:1orglaugh

fyi i like girls.

hmmmm

The Yeaster Bunny is such a SLUT

http://www.abovethelaw.com/images/en...nd%20Potus.jpg

:1orglaugh

Congrats! Good luck and everything else!

Yea press releases are so fucking stupid and I hate these retards that talk about them self in "3rd person". It's like no one fucking cares just make and announcement and quit acting like a putz.

You're on a roll today. :thumbsup

Nailed the press release thing too.

ok, convincent enough.
i wont.

I am on a roll today too. Mine is a sesame seeded kaiser.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Thats what I said in the other thread.. So lame..

It wouldn't be so lame if it was from the company itself putting out the press and not the person that got hired..

Ooof this thread is sooooo painfully true.
Nice work.

That is too funny and so true.

mmm sounds good.


The staff at Silent Bucks would like to make a announcement that we approve of Honez eating a seeded kaiser and would like to also let you know we will be releasing a press release on what the owner of silent bucks decides to eat for lunch at a later time :thumbsup

Shouldn't I make the release about me eating the seeded kaiser?

i ate a ham and swiss sandwich from tim hortons for lunch

you should write a release about how your relationship with the Kaiser has ended amicably and express how you wish each other the best and have really grown together and shall remain great friends in the future.

For immediate release:
http://www.picum.com/ggj/Retards_mot...nal_poster.jpg