Banned from Target - GoFuckYourself.com

Max Potential · 02-07-2012, 09:53 AM

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

TurboAngel · 02-07-2012, 09:56 AM

Ya'll are in Target wayyyyyyy to often.

tony286 · 02-07-2012, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Max Potential

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Thank you I needed a good belly laugh. today.

Sid70 · 02-07-2012, 10:01 AM

Dunno i lold!

SleazyDream · 02-07-2012, 10:04 AM

awesome!

Rochard · 02-07-2012, 10:04 AM

I was in Target a few months ago with my kid and her friend, and we were playing hide and seek. They would hide, send me a text, and then I had to find them. They got stuck behind wall of boxes of Christmas trees.

I've been kicked out of Wal Mart for playing football.

adultsitecms · 02-07-2012, 10:08 AM

The letter looked like a segue to a Jim Carrey movie (or somebody more funny.)

Spunky · 02-07-2012, 10:23 AM

Har har,some of those were hilarious

Wizzo · 02-07-2012, 10:37 AM

My daughters and me always play what we call the Target game when we go. The way it works is you get 1point for every item you put in someone elses cart without them catching you, its fun but alot harder then you think...

Klen · 02-07-2012, 10:55 AM

Old joke.....

georgeyw · 02-07-2012, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wizzo

My daughters and me always play what we call the Target game when we go. The way it works is you get 1point for every item you put in someone elses cart without them catching you, its fun but alot harder then you think...

This i'll be trying next time i'm at target!

MichaelP · 02-07-2012, 11:26 AM

LOL like this one

June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

MediaGuy · 02-07-2012, 11:31 AM

Damn that was good... thanks for the laffs!!!

:D

Roald · 02-07-2012, 11:34 AM

lol thats great!!

videobunch · 02-07-2012, 11:45 AM

I Love it, very funny indeed.

Theo · 02-07-2012, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wizzo

My daughters and me always play what we call the Target game when we go. The way it works is you get 1point for every item you put in someone elses cart without them catching you, its fun but alot harder then you think...

Lollllll

martinsc · 02-07-2012, 12:36 PM

AdultKing · 02-07-2012, 02:14 PM

They sell guns in Target ? That's disturbing.

TisMe · 02-07-2012, 02:21 PM

Hence the name and logo

pornguy · 02-07-2012, 02:34 PM

I have been doing a number of those since high school.

Been kicked out of Wal Mart, Costco, Sams and many others.

GetSCORECash · 02-07-2012, 02:43 PM

Thank YOU... I needed the laugh.

Barry-xlovecam · 02-07-2012, 02:43 PM

Lol -- lol

Mr Pheer · 02-07-2012, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

They sell guns in Target ? That's disturbing.

No, they dont.

2MuchMark · 02-07-2012, 03:35 PM

Bahahahahahahaha

fris · 02-07-2012, 03:56 PM

shit that is funny

JFK · 02-07-2012, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sid70

Dunno i lold!

me too, but just a little

Si · 02-07-2012, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KlenTelaris

Old joke.....

still good though. I prefer the, "things to do at walmart" version.

bronco67 · 02-07-2012, 05:16 PM

That might be the funniest shit I've ever read off the internets. I don't even know what that was, but it was some brilliant comedy writing if its not real.

Vjo · 02-07-2012, 05:53 PM

Yeah that is good writing. Be awesome if some nutjob actually would do all that stuff in a summer.

Maybe videotape it for some comedy show.

Or see how many you could get away with.

Great new show!

u-Bob · 02-07-2012, 06:08 PM

good one

AdultKing · 02-07-2012, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Pheer

No, they dont.

Good to hear. Way too many of those things in this world.

2ndxachrm · 02-07-2012, 10:04 PM

that made my day. lol

Mr Pheer · 02-07-2012, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

Good to hear. Way too many of those things in this world.

Yeah I dont know how Target got to be so popular.

18teens · 02-07-2012, 11:19 PM

Thanks, I really need a laugh.

Coup · 02-08-2012, 08:02 AM

mmmm, dats good copy pasta.

nico-t · 02-08-2012, 08:14 AM

what a bitch Mr. Harris is. Maybe he should grow some balls and say 'no' when his wife asks him to go with her instead of wasting his time.

seeandsee · 02-08-2012, 09:23 AM

i like condom joke, must try that by my self :D

Sunny Day · 02-08-2012, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

They sell guns in Target ? That's disturbing.

Targets have neither gun or auto repair departments.
Letter sounds like creative writing.

However, my GF once flashed me in the aisle next to the cash registers. Bet the security boys kept a copy of that tape. Target was easy, she once flashed me at the airport at Christmas. Thought we were going to get busted and spend forever in prison.

02-07-2012, 09:53 AM	#1
Max Potential Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,045	Banned from Target After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Harris , Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. __________________

02-07-2012, 10:01 AM	#4
Sid70 Downshifter Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Road trip Posts: 16,413	Dunno i lold! __________________ Русня, идите нахуй!

02-07-2012, 10:04 AM	#5
SleazyDream I'm here for SPORT Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phone # (401) 285-0696 Posts: 41,470	awesome! __________________ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog.

02-07-2012, 10:04 AM	#6
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 72,964	I was in Target a few months ago with my kid and her friend, and we were playing hide and seek. They would hide, send me a text, and then I had to find them. They got stuck behind wall of boxes of Christmas trees. I've been kicked out of Wal Mart for playing football. __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

02-07-2012, 10:08 AM	#7
adultsitecms Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 624	The letter looked like a segue to a Jim Carrey movie (or somebody more funny.) __________________

02-07-2012, 09:56 AM	#2
TurboAngel H.B.I.C. Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: NC Posts: 30,122	Ya'll are in Target wayyyyyyy to often.

02-07-2012, 10:23 AM	#8
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,928	Har har,some of those were hilarious __________________ CONTACT FOR YOUR INFORMATION HERE

02-07-2012, 10:37 AM	#9
Wizzo 2011 GFY Hall of Fame! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Back in Texas! Posts: 15,226	My daughters and me always play what we call the Target game when we go. The way it works is you get 1point for every item you put in someone elses cart without them catching you, its fun but alot harder then you think... __________________ Looking for Opportunity!

02-07-2012, 10:55 AM	#10
Klen Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Little Vienna Posts: 32,235	Old joke.....

02-07-2012, 11:26 AM	#12
MichaelP Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: QWEBEC Corporate Office Posts: 7,124	LOL like this one June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

02-07-2012, 11:31 AM	#13
MediaGuy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montrealquebecanada Posts: 5,500	Damn that was good... thanks for the laffs!!! :D __________________ YOU Are Industry News! Press Releases: pr[at]payoutmag.com Facebook: Payout Magazine! Facebook: MIKEB! ICQ: 248843947 Skype: Mediaguy1

02-07-2012, 11:34 AM	#14
Roald SecretFriends.com Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: IMC Headquarters Posts: 27,880	lol thats great!! __________________ WE ARE BUYING PAY SITES! CONTACT ME ClubSweethearts \| ManUpFilms \| SinfulXXX \| HOT * AdultPrime * HOT Paying webmasters since 1996! Contact: r.riepen @ sansylgroup.com \| skype:roaldr \| icq:

02-07-2012, 11:45 AM	#15
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02-07-2012, 02:14 PM	#18
AdultKing Raise Your Weapon Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Outback Australia Posts: 15,605	They sell guns in Target ? That's disturbing.

02-07-2012, 02:21 PM	#19
TisMe Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,719	Hence the name and logo

02-07-2012, 02:34 PM	#20
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,912	I have been doing a number of those since high school. Been kicked out of Wal Mart, Costco, Sams and many others. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!

02-07-2012, 02:43 PM	#21
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02-07-2012, 02:43 PM	#22
Barry-xlovecam It's 42 Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Global Posts: 18,083	Lol -- lol

02-07-2012, 03:35 PM	#24
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02-07-2012, 03:56 PM	#25
fris Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 55,262	shit that is funny __________________ Since 1999: 69 Adult Industry awards for Best Hosting Company and professional excellence. WP Stuff

02-07-2012, 05:16 PM	#28
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,035	That might be the funniest shit I've ever read off the internets. I don't even know what that was, but it was some brilliant comedy writing if its not real. __________________

02-07-2012, 05:53 PM	#29
Vjo So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Happy 4th of July :) Posts: 6,082	Yeah that is good writing. Be awesome if some nutjob actually would do all that stuff in a summer. Maybe videotape it for some comedy show. Or see how many you could get away with. Great new show!

02-07-2012, 06:08 PM	#30
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	good one

02-07-2012, 10:04 PM	#32
2ndxachrm Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Boston Posts: 353	that made my day. lol __________________ Sex. My favorite vice. www.myxxxpornvice.com

02-07-2012, 11:19 PM	#34
18teens Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 1,605	Thanks, I really need a laugh.

02-08-2012, 08:02 AM	#35
Coup 🚨 PBBC International 🚨 Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: /👁\ Posts: 9,932	mmmm, dats good copy pasta.

02-08-2012, 08:14 AM	#36
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	what a bitch Mr. Harris is. Maybe he should grow some balls and say 'no' when his wife asks him to go with her instead of wasting his time.

02-08-2012, 09:23 AM	#37
seeandsee Check SIG! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Europe (Skype: gojkoas) Posts: 50,945	i like condom joke, must try that by my self :D __________________ BUY MY SIG - 50$/Year Contact here