The vice guide to eating pussy - GoFuckYourself.com

AllAboutCams · 12-16-2012, 05:34 PM

link
Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don?t like it but because it?s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it?s time we broke it down. Like this.

The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can?t read the emotional road signs, you?re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, ?Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 lbs. of explosives, here?s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.? Instead of a screaming ?OH MY GOD!!? like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous ?ooohmygodohmygodohmygod.? Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that?s French for ?eat,? you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a ?Calgon, take me away? ad.

Break it down!

1) Be Down
Don?t go down unless you?re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don?t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven.

2) Don?t Say Hi to Dry
A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that?s needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you?re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There?s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she?s really begging for it before you get under the covers.

Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws.

Important: Don?t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78 percent of a woman?s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

3) Submarine Mission for You, Baby
Once she?s lathered up, it?s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don?t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you?re going away on vacation.

Though it?s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don?t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That?s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it?s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

When you?re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don?t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that?s the actual cunt.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you?re doing it right, she?ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she?s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you?re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin? crawdaddies.

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

4) Parting the Red Seas
Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what the Cavity Creeps are to dental hygiene. You?re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PiL album That What Is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

5) The Grand Entrance
Do your first lick super slow. It?s good to groan and moan too. It shows you?re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these ?St. Bernard licks? before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it?s real sensitive, she?ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you?re in for an easy ride. If there?s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you?re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendinitis.

6) Rock the Boat
Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you?re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who?s boss.
After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He?s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you?re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area he?s the only one that can?t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.
Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

seeandsee · 12-16-2012, 06:07 PM

I can make any girl rock 24/7, so with my eating pussy guide at promo price 20$ per copy you can't lose!

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 12-16-2012, 06:34 PM

Funny, yet informative piece about the fine art of cunnilingus!

ADG

AllAboutCams · 12-16-2012, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AsianDivaGirlsWebDude

Funny, yet informative piece about the fine art of cunnilingus!

ADG

Lick lick lick me lke a lollie pop

DTK · 12-16-2012, 06:49 PM

every young male (and every young lesbian for that matter) should read that

pornmasta · 12-16-2012, 07:01 PM

and how to lick an asshole ?

Spunky · 12-16-2012, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pornmasta

and how to lick an asshole ?

Once you're past the smell you have it beat

pornmasta · 12-16-2012, 07:19 PM

i have seen an educational video that tells that i have to lick the poo poo, but i just want to please an asshole, am i forced to eat it ?
It is not possible to make the stuff clean ?

12-16-2012, 05:34 PM	#1
AllAboutCams Femcams.com Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: bjcam.com Posts: 12,220	The vice guide to eating pussy link Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don?t like it but because it?s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it?s time we broke it down. Like this. The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can?t read the emotional road signs, you?re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face. Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, ?Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 lbs. of explosives, here?s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.? Instead of a screaming ?OH MY GOD!!? like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous ?ooohmygodohmygodohmygod.? Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that?s French for ?eat,? you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a ?Calgon, take me away? ad. Break it down! 1) Be Down Don?t go down unless you?re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don?t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven. 2) Don?t Say Hi to Dry A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that?s needed to get the honey dripping. Once you?re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There?s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she?s really begging for it before you get under the covers. Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws. Important: Don?t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78 percent of a woman?s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire. 3) Submarine Mission for You, Baby Once she?s lathered up, it?s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don?t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you?re going away on vacation. Though it?s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood. Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don?t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That?s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it?s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run. When you?re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don?t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that?s the actual cunt. By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you?re doing it right, she?ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she?s been holding her breath for three days. Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you?re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin? crawdaddies. Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off. 4) Parting the Red Seas Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what the Cavity Creeps are to dental hygiene. You?re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PiL album That What Is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet. 5) The Grand Entrance Do your first lick super slow. It?s good to groan and moan too. It shows you?re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these ?St. Bernard licks? before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it?s real sensitive, she?ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you?re in for an easy ride. If there?s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you?re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendinitis. 6) Rock the Boat Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you?re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who?s boss. After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He?s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you?re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area he?s the only one that can?t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later. Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat. __________________ Binance - Blockchain and Crypto Asset Exchange Chaturbate make money in cams

12-16-2012, 06:07 PM	#2
seeandsee Check SIG! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Europe (Skype: gojkoas) Posts: 50,945	I can make any girl rock 24/7, so with my eating pussy guide at promo price 20$ per copy you can't lose! __________________ BUY MY SIG - 50$/Year Contact here

12-16-2012, 06:34 PM	#3
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	Funny, yet informative piece about the fine art of cunnilingus! ADG __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

12-16-2012, 06:49 PM	#5
DTK Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: The 510 Posts: 4,545	every young male (and every young lesbian for that matter) should read that __________________ Arguing whether the Democratic or Republican party is better is like debating which steaming pile of shit is slightly less stinky.

12-16-2012, 07:01 PM	#6
pornmasta Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 18,958	and how to lick an asshole ?

12-16-2012, 07:19 PM	#8
pornmasta Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 18,958	i have seen an educational video that tells that i have to lick the poo poo, but i just want to please an asshole, am i forced to eat it ? It is not possible to make the stuff clean ?