Cheshire

I gotta have a chat with my 15 year old brother tonight about drugs. This will be the second one, as a few months after the first he was rushed to the emergency room having been found by his best friend passed out on the floor of his dorm room choking on his own vomit.

He's too young to start drinking or smoking pot like he is. I know he's just rebelling against authority and wanting to experience altered states of conciousness, but he's my baby brother. I still remember vividly the day he was born and I held him for the first time, I prayed for a baby brother and my prayer had been answered.
I love him more than life itself, and I don't want to lose him, physically or emotionally.

What do I tell him? What can I do?

Does anyone have some real ideas, thoughts, experiences, or phrases to share with me?

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just a little bit naughty

asuna

bring him for a walk tru the ghetto, or other 'bad' parts of the city (not alone) and let him see what drugs do when they control you..

Or make him watch maury

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SleazyDream

there isn't much you can do but love him for who he is. If he wants to self destruct there's really nothing you can do to stop it.

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JamesK

give him examples of people fuckin their life that way
- or -
if that doesnt work, go smoke a LOT of pot with him so he gets a black out. sounds hard, but its the only way to let him stop. once he had a black out he wont think its fun to smoke pot anymore. trust me.

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Fletch XXX

Smoking pot doesnt make you vomit or fall out on the floor.

;)

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BJ

heavily drinking and smoking pot can

marcu5

whatever you do, just hope he doesnt find out about rave, also, i also I agree with smoking him out so heavy that he gets a bad trip on thc, it'll scare him away from it.. for a few weeks

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asuna

thats true

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ADL Colin

Yeah, take him to one NA meeting and have him listen to the horror stories of people who have lost control.

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ADL Colin

Young cute slutty fucked up girls? Every 15 year old guy's nightmare. That'll definitely be the end of him .. or is it the beginning?

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Cheshire

I have tonight, then he's off to New Zealand in the morning and back to boarding school on the East Coast hours after returning in January.

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eRock

Cheshire...if you're serious I'd be happy to talk to you about it. I've been sober for about 13 months now & I had a drug/drinking habit the size of Texas...and a few other states for well over 10 years & started about his same age, so I can relate. I'm totally paying for it now, so I can at least try to give ya some good suggestions on how to talk to him from a non-authoritive POV.

Feel free to hit me up on ICQ: 82789122 I'm always in invisible mode but I'm always online, so just shoot me a message & if I'm at my PC I'll answer right away.

E

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asuna

how bout my post? isnt my idea more like 'real life'?
those guys WANT to get their shit together, their getting better, seeing it in real life as it happens is totally different, ever see bangbus?

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eRock

That won't work unless he's ready to stop. Trust me.

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winter

Make the kid watch the movie Requiem for a Dream.... might change his attitude about drugs.

marcu5

I dont know, i've been thinking about this alot, because i have acouple of drug addicted friends but they are heavier shit than weed... and it seems like its impossible to stop people until they hit rock bottom..

I dont think taking him to a ghetto will work because he will just think 'this will never be me'..

i dont think smoking him crazy will work because the fear will only last a few weeks/months

It all lays in his friends, if he gets friends who dont do drugs, he'd feel stupid all fucked up around alot of sober people..

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Cheshire

I don't have icq ~ will you email me?

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BV

have him watch the bumfights dvd

SleazyDream

my dad was AA and used to bring me to the open meetings as a kid to hear the stories and scare me. Opposite happened, I wanted to have cool stories like that to tell.

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eRock

Absolutely. What's your email?

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asuna

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eRock

Exactly! Plus I was a member of AA for 6 moths after rehab & hated it so much I quit goin'...& I wanted to quit. Too much like a cult to me.

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Mutt

dorm room? at 15? must be at a private boarding school..........which in my experience have worse problems with drugs and alcohol abuse than public schools.

he's 15, sadly there's almost nothing an older sister can say, or even a parent that will stop him from doing whatever he's doing, peer group is way more important at that point than family.

Tough love sometimes is the best thing, but it's also risky. Last resort if he's turning into a potential tragedy is to get really tough and take away most of his freedoms and privileges.

i'd hate to be a parent of a kid who has a drug problem, i'm not talking pot, i'd be happy if that was the only thing he was doing, but the rest of it, acid, ecstasy, cocaine, heroin - nightmare for a family.

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Fletch XXX

Ive been through AA.

Drinking can be a very bad thing.

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Cheshire

It's in my Profile

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xanx

Most of my adult life I have been a cop, I used to take some kids on what we call here a "ride-a-long program" they went everywhere I went and did everything I did for a 12hour shift. We have huge meth problem here and some of the things those kids saw I doubt they will ever forget.

I used to tell them that this is where you end up when it goes from being cool to being hooked.

Don't know if it ever helped anyone but I do know from there parents that they told story after story when they got home.

If you know a cop who works in a not so great area like I did it might be an idea. Most departments have some sort of program where people can ride a long.

ADL Colin

You're right. I know a few people that overcame extreme addictions by going to NA and AA. One has been sober for two decades now. I also know a couple that runs an AA meeting and have been clean for 20 years or so.

There is nothing that is a solution for everyone. Some people go to NA and hate it. Same with AA. Others stay in the program for the rest of their life. Same with rehab - many fail, some succeed.

Cheshire asked for "real experiences". You WILL find them there.

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DjSap

take him to a hardcore photo shoot and say he can become that guy who has sex with all those women...but he has to survive to 18 til he can become him...

that will give him a goal in life that will set him straight...

salsbury

agreed. kid needs to go home.

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ADL Colin

In some ways, maybe. I think though that it's a common thought of those addicted or on their way there that "I'll never get like that" - regardless of what they see.

You have a good chance of seeing someone crying, not able to stop, telling their story on any average day in NA. Seeing the struggle to get clean would probably be surprising to most people.

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ADL Colin

Fletch,

You stopped going?

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Cheshire

His school is supposed to be good, and his best friend attends it ~ maybe we should look into one closer to home if he doesn't clean up his act.

His mother has also said she won't buy him a car when he turns 16 in 8 months if she can't trust him to be responsible.

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eRock

Well, it took me a LOT to finally even THINK about quittting!

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ADL Colin

I'm happy you are doing well. Keep it up :-)

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Backov

As many of us have bitched about in the past - none of the details you put in the profile (ICQ, email, etc) -are actually visible to anyone (other than moderators, probably)..

You may want to bug someone about that, as our bitching never helps. ;>

As for your bro, I have no useful advice. I had a 16 year old friend of mine go down that road.. Pot and booze led to heavy coke and other shit.. It took him hitting rock bottom and WANTING to stop to get him to stop, nothing else seemed to work.

Kind of like Christopher when he called his mom a whore and all his friends beat the crap out of him at his intervention. Rock bottom. ;>

Cheers,
Backov

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cherrylula

I have a 15 year old girl cousin, who just was too out of control.

They sent her here: http://www.vpp.com/teenhelp/scl.html

She doesn't get to return for a year. They actually had to keep it a secret and arrange for her to get kidnapped to get her there, so she wouldn't run away when she found out. She was dabbling drugs among other things, but mostly behavior issues.

I was legal guardian for my 15 year old sister (at the time) for two years once, it was hell. Teenagers are wicked. Years later both my sister and girl cousin have confessed to doing things in my house I would have strangled them for.

Good luck with the kid. I wouldn't want to be a teenager again for anything.

Fletch XXX

Yeah, I dont like praying at the end of each session.

And I surely dont like holding hands in a big circle with a bunch of people who gave up alcohol for religion.

They confuse sobriety with the 'way of the lord' too much.

I need an Atheist AA .

hahahah

note: no I will not discuss how an Atheist Alcoholic is better than a Jesus Fearing alcoholic!

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ADL Colin

Understood. I know a few atheist AA and NA'ers and it IS a constant problem for them -- but the program still works for them - and on they go.
Some people need the "support group" aspect.

Did you find other support groups or get sober on your own?

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ADL Colin

I'm much too repectful. We can discuss religion elsewhere.

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SleazyDream

must be nice to grow up rich............ private school, buying the kids a car..........

wonder why there's a drug probelm? Maybe he's had EVERYTHING given to him.................

just a thought but 99% of all the drug addict users I know are from situations like that.

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Sly_RJ

Who are his best friends? What do they do? Why is he in boarding school?

This is a really stupid comparison, nothing close to the same situation, but this worked on my 15 year old brother, they have such strange minds...

Last April he was diagnosed with diabetes. Already developed to the stage where he needed to take insulin, check blood levels, eat the proper foods, etc.

As a football player and wrestler, built like a mother, he obviously ate a lot of food. My family all have huge sweet tooths. He loves candy, ice cream, etc.

So, he comes to visit me for a couple weeks this past summer. I didn't know much about diabetes, but had a general idea of what should and shouldn't be done. So, my brother, genius that he is, thinks he's getting away with murder since there's no parents around.

Haha, little shit must have forgotten that I'm a HELL of a lot harder on him than my parents have ever been.

Repeatedly, he'd stroll into the living room with Mountain Dew and Snickers in hand thinking that would be his lunch. I don't know how many times I had to bitch at him about eating right, no junk food, etc.

I finally got sick of his shit. Looked him in the eye and asked if he wanted to stay in beautiful San Diego, go to ball games, beaches, etc, for the next two weeks. Of course he said yeh. I basically said if he didn't start eating right, cutting all the crap, I would buy him a ticket for a redeye to Chicago without thinking twice.

He drank Diet Pepsi and ate cheese for the next two weeks.

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Sly_RJ

I agree.

When I was 15-16 I worked damn hard for my money. No way in hell was I going to smoke or inject it.

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asuna

Isn't that even worse???

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Undutchable

This was exactly what popped into my head. If Requiem for a Dream won't convert him into a straight edger, I don't know of anything else that will...

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm lighting up my joint

asuna

whats Requiem for a Dream ?

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cherrylula

Well, her father started to fear that she was plotting to kill him and his wife. Or she definitely would have run away to the streets. So last resort they sent her away to this school, its costing them 50 grand. I hope it works, who knows.

Cheshire

Do you have anything helpful or inspirational to share? Or is your objective to upset me further?

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eru

I'm getting Addams Family Values flashbacks!!

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Mutt

i agree. the boarding school, the car he is expecting when he turns 16...............sounds spoiled.

drug usage cuts across all social classes tho so can't just blame this kid's drug use on his being spoiled. Easy psychobabble answer is that the kid feels unwanted and is acting out to get attention or he's not very happy and he's escaping with drugs but
that might not be true............most kids i know did drugs for one reason, to be cool and fit in with the kids they wanted to fit in with. Hard to fight that when you're a parent or sibling.

but if he's going to spend the next 3 years in boarding school no way he's going to stop. He should be at home, just to keep an eye on him.

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multisexsite

Let him see some porn websites and tell him being addicted to porn is better than being addicted to drugs, plus he can get off 4 times a day.