Amp's Top 10 Tips For Avoiding Police Taserings & Death

[Amputate Your Head]

Amp's Top 10 Tips For Avoiding Police Taserings & Death - Jul 2010


1. Avoid the police at all costs.
This may be hard for some that are of the mind that only the police can save us from ourselves. But of course, it is also the most obvious. Simply stay away from any and all police and you'll be fine.

2. If you see police, very carefully and slowly, walk away.
Apply the same rule as for strange dogs: Don't run. They will chase you down and shoot you in the street. Just turn around, walk away slowly, and be very conspicuous about "minding your own business" involving something else.... anything else than what they are focused on. Stare through a store window or something to appear as an oblivious shopper. If able, get in a car and drive away, again... slowly.

3. Never, ever give the police a reason to be eyeballing you.
This is similar to using a radar detector in your car. Let them focus on some other poor bastard. See a cop: Be a model citizen.

4. Never, ever offer up information that isn't being beaten out of you.
Keep your fucking mouth shut. Under no circumstances should you ever offer information.

5. Distraction, deception, & diversion.
If you must engage with a cop, use your intellect & creativity to distract & divert. Feign being lost or losing some item or being distraught over some random family issue. The cop will feel like a boy scout and gladly help out, forgetting all about whatever other issue he was focused on before. If his buddies show up though, you're going to have to "compose yourself" quickly before they determine you a threat to society. This tactic is only temporary and has a limited-use shelf life.

6. Never, ever tell a cop you are going to report him or anything else.
Just keep your trap shut! Mouthing off and telling cops you're going to report their fucked up behavior only brings more pain. Nightsticks, kicking, tasers, etc. You'll be glad later when you actually get to talk to your lawyer and bring a suit against them.

7. The police are your BFF.
That's right, they are the best friends you never had. It's hard to swallow a steaming turd but, do whatever you can to make those police feel like they just saved your life. Stroke the ego, not the taser finger. You'll live to watch Seinfeld another day.

8. Speak up & out against police wrongdoing, just never in front of them.
Remember, police are assholes like everybody else. But they are a special kind of asshole. An asshole that can bring you some pain. Save your outrage for later. Telling a cop he's a douche has only two outcomes: Tasering or death.

9. Be cool during an arrest.
If you are cuffed & stuffed for any reason, just chill from that point forward. Don't try to be cute or clever, like switching around your hands/arms back to the front while in the car. They are never amused. They will pull you out, throw you on the ground and kick you. (been there, done that).

10. Fido is toast.
Sacrifice your animals. If you're stopped or confronted by police and your dog freaks out and starts barking, he's on his own. The police will try to shoot him, and if you try to tell them not to or worse, actually try to stop them from killing your dog, then the dog still dies and you get tasered or dead, or both.

[cherrylula]

poor Fido hahaha

[papill0n]

11. be sure to call the police the second you need them

[jimmy-3-way]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Amp's Top 10 Tips For Avoiding Police Taserings & Death - Jul 2010

8. Speak up & out against police wrongdoing, just never in front of them.
Remember, police are assholes like everybody else. But they are a special kind of asshole. An asshole that can bring you some pain. Save your outrage for later. Telling a cop he's a douche has only two outcomes: Tasering or death.

To be fair, if a cop is hassling you and you are completely innocent it's often a license to mouth off. Recently a piglet pulled me over for 'speeding'. I knew as well as she did I was going 3 over and her writing me for 15 over was a license to heap abuse on her.

I don't feel like I threw out $185 worth of insults, but I tried.

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by papill0n

11. be sure to call the police the second you need them

See Rule #1.

[ottopottomouse]

Lots of tips there, surely you just need to move into an underground bunker and stay there.


Not sure which one of those I went against by telling someone he didn't look very stab-proof in his kevlar vest

[cykoe6]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

See Rule #1.

Very good list........ but rule #1 is the most important.

[Amputate Your Head]

Remember folks, regardless of what you have heard, you are not legally required to utter a single word to police. Not even your name.

[D Ghost]

Are you accepting new recruits for Backtracing Academy?!

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by DJ The Kid

Are you accepting new recruits for Backtracing Academy?!

Well, backtracing is best left to Cyber Police, State Police, and angry fathers.

[BigDeanEvans]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Remember folks, regardless of what you have heard, you are not legally required to utter a single word to police. Not even your name.

I always thought you had to identify yourself when asked to do so? I'm sure you could not say anything, but wouldn't they detain or arrest you?

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by BigDeanEvans

I always thought you had to identify yourself when asked to do so? I'm sure you could not say anything, but wouldn't they detain or arrest you?

Yes. If you refuse to speak you'll likely be arrested. But you still don't have to speak. Pull out your ID and hand it to them. There's a reason they tell you "you have the right to remain silent". Because it goes with the other part: "Anything you say can and will be used against you." It's always a choice of course, but my personal choice is to simply not speak to them. I'll save my talking for the lawyer and the judge. (where I won't be killed)

[Amputate Your Head]

I have to clarify that better....

Don't actually attempt to pull out your ID. Just wait. The police will find it for themselves during the pat down. Under no circumstances should you make any movements towards anything but the sky. The penalty is tasering or death.

[La_Sexorcist]

One of my mom's older cousins got busted for selling drugs in the past and they had their guns to the dogs' heads. Boxers, and they weren't violent.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

3. Never, ever give the police a reason to be eyeballing you.

Does that include not being covered head to toe in ink and not looking like a meth pusher?

[dyna mo]

good list.

don't follow the list and the consequences will never be the same.

i like having my dl and docs ready when the leo arrives at my window. if i'm on a motorcycle i hop off and remove my helmet immediately.

at the minimum have license, reg, and insurance all in order.

[VHNet]

I thought this was that energy drink Amp from Mt. Dew...hah.

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

Does that include not being covered head to toe in ink and not looking like a meth pusher?

That's not a reason, it's profiling. And as much as the cops deny it, they do it every day. My mistake was in breaking Rule #1. I never should have gone to the hardware store that's next to the Cop Shop. I should have driven the extra 30 miles to Home Depot instead.

See what happens when you break the rules?

[Dead]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

That's not a reason, it's profiling. And as much as the cops deny it, they do it every day. My mistake was in breaking Rule #1. I never should have gone to the hardware store that's next to the Cop Shop. I should have driven the extra 30 miles to Home Depot instead.

See what happens when you break the rules?

Try having long hair and wearing a tie dye from a smokin 80's show, and see profiling in full effect. ;)
#12 Avoid All Eye contact, whether driving down the road or just stopping by the QT for a freakin hot dog and a nice cool fountain drink. I have been on Shakedown street for that reason alone. Nazis, the whole bunch of em!!!

[sexdatesj]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Remember folks, regardless of what you have heard, you are not legally required to utter a single word to police. Not even your name.

But your required to furnish ID as to whom you are.

FACT

[Spunky]

Some people never learn to just keep your mouth shut and do what they say

[Ethersync]

good advice...

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by sexdatesj

But your required to furnish ID as to whom you are.

FACT

No you're not. If you don't have ID, and you're not Criss Angel, you can't produce one out of thin air. If you don't have ID, all the police beatings and taserings in the world won't magically create one.

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

I'll save my talking for the lawyer and the judge. (where I won't be killed)

Gee, that's basically what I was saying in the other thread. Don't mouth off at them, do what they tell you to, don't try any fighting or weapons shit with them, and your chances of not getting killed go way up. And yes, let your lawyer do the talking.

Your list of rules underlines what I've been saying all along.

Amp, you and I agree on so much with this issue, that cops are all too often assholes. Not always, but way too often for my liking, or yours I'm sure. Too often that you can't count on the ones coming to your door or pulling you over being the ones in the bunch who are "nice" cops.

In other words you and I have very little to argue about on this issue.

[CYF]

Originally Posted by sexdatesj

But your required to furnish ID as to whom you are.

FACT

24 States have stop and identify laws, and mine isn't one of them. If I'm not driving a car I don't have to provide ID.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_an...80.9D_statutes

[ProG]

[Sid70]

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

Lots of tips there, surely you just need to move into an underground bunker and stay there.


Not sure which one of those I went against by telling someone he didn't look very stab-proof in his kevlar vest

Thats what he did and is posting his wisdom from.

[ProG]

This woman and her baby were clearly too much for two male officers to handle.

[$5 submissions]

Originally Posted by ProG

This woman and her baby were clearly too much for two male officers to handle.

I hear police have a tough time dealing with sleeping quadraplegics as well.

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by $5 submissions

I hear police have a tough time dealing with sleeping quadraplegics as well.

You have to taze them awake.

[Pipecrew]

honestly, the police tasers are not that bad, its 5 seconds of 50k volts yeah. however, the civillian one (which you should fear) with the same voltage is 10 seconds and it repeats itself 3 times. Now that's a ride.

[CunningStunt]

I went to the career advisor when I was 16, I said to him, "I've half a mind to become a policeman." He said, "perfect, that's all you need."

[The Porn Nerd]

I agree with all except the one about "using your intellect".
Speaking on behalf of most GFY-ers: what's "intellect"?

[Deej]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Remember folks, regardless of what you have heard, you are not legally required to utter a single word to police. Not even your name.

However, there are consequences to that.

Yes its a right or not their right. But they then have venues of pain to open up.

soooooo...

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by CunningStunt

I went to the career advisor when I was 16, I said to him, "I've half a mind to become a policeman." He said, "perfect, that's all you need."

Mine told me I should be a fire watcher.

[Anthony]

Well done Amp, words to live by. I copied and pasted, then sent to my teenagers.

[Deej]

Originally Posted by ProG

This woman and her baby were clearly too much for two male officers to handle.

wow...

I was all about them tasering her once to get her to calm down and get in the car...

But what he then did is BS... thats right there is a cop taking advantage of his position and losing his cop cool. She WAS resisting. but to throw her down like that... enough to knock her out... wow.

What a big tough guy... its not like she was "fighting" him either. Fuckin Loser!

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Deej

wow...

I was all about them tasering her once to get her to calm down and get in the car...

But what he then did is BS... thats right there is a cop taking advantage of his position and losing his cop cool. She WAS resisting. but to throw her down like that... enough to knock her out... wow.

What a big tough guy... its not like she was "fighting" him either. Fuckin Loser!

I posted this on my face book a couple of days ago, and the consensus by those who commented was that it looked like she bit the cop, and he reacted.

[Deej]

Originally Posted by Anthony

I posted this on my face book a couple of days ago, and the consensus by those who commented was that it looked like she bit the cop, and he reacted.

Well if she did bite him... then i do agree that action should be taken. I dont think though that what he did was a police tactic. A taser is more like it.

however... if she bit him I totally dont feel as sorry for her.

Id believe that she did with her other actions in the video.

sooo... if so I retract ;)

[chopstick]

Everyone should read (and understand) the Constitution. Yes, there is even a Canadian Constitution, but we're still under British rule so the old hag has final say

[clickhappy]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Amp's Top 10 Tips For Avoiding Police Taserings & Death - Jul 2010


1. Avoid the police at all costs.
This may be hard for some that are of the mind that only the police can save us from ourselves. But of course, it is also the most obvious. Simply stay away from any and all police and you'll be fine.

In my entire life I've never had an issue with the police. Ive been pulled over maybe twice and when it happens I'm respectful and I say "Yes sir, no sir", and Im done and on my way.
Its the idiots who mouth off to the police and give attitude who get into trouble.

[fatfoo]

A cop would probably taser a violent creature.
You can lie down and play dead.

[Deej]

Originally Posted by clickhappy

In my entire life I've never had an issue with the police. Ive been pulled over maybe twice and when it happens I'm respectful and I say "Yes sir, no sir", and Im done and on my way.
Its the idiots who mouth off to the police and give attitude who get into trouble.

Although youre right with 90% or so of all instances... your statement is flawed.

[clickhappy]

Originally Posted by Deej

Although youre right with 90% or so of all instances... your statement is flawed.

so police just walk up to random citizens and tazer them for no reason?

[Deej]

Originally Posted by clickhappy

so police just walk up to random citizens and tazer them for no reason?

ill lay money on that it has happened.

Even moreso unprovoked taserings. sure.

But your statement of only mouthy idiots get in trouble... well thats just not true. If you think so youre completely naive.

[tiger]

Great list. They really should teach that in school.

[seeandsee]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Amp's Top 10 Tips For Avoiding Police Taserings & Death - Jul 2010


1. Avoid the police at all costs.
This may be hard for some that are of the mind that only the police can save us from ourselves. But of course, it is also the most obvious. Simply stay away from any and all police and you'll be fine.

2. If you see police, very carefully and slowly, walk away.
Apply the same rule as for strange dogs: Don't run. They will chase you down and shoot you in the street. Just turn around, walk away slowly, and be very conspicuous about "minding your own business" involving something else.... anything else than what they are focused on. Stare through a store window or something to appear as an oblivious shopper. If able, get in a car and drive away, again... slowly.

3. Never, ever give the police a reason to be eyeballing you.
This is similar to using a radar detector in your car. Let them focus on some other poor bastard. See a cop: Be a model citizen.

4. Never, ever offer up information that isn't being beaten out of you.
Keep your fucking mouth shut. Under no circumstances should you ever offer information.

5. Distraction, deception, & diversion.
If you must engage with a cop, use your intellect & creativity to distract & divert. Feign being lost or losing some item or being distraught over some random family issue. The cop will feel like a boy scout and gladly help out, forgetting all about whatever other issue he was focused on before. If his buddies show up though, you're going to have to "compose yourself" quickly before they determine you a threat to society. This tactic is only temporary and has a limited-use shelf life.

6. Never, ever tell a cop you are going to report him or anything else.
Just keep your trap shut! Mouthing off and telling cops you're going to report their fucked up behavior only brings more pain. Nightsticks, kicking, tasers, etc. You'll be glad later when you actually get to talk to your lawyer and bring a suit against them.

7. The police are your BFF.
That's right, they are the best friends you never had. It's hard to swallow a steaming turd but, do whatever you can to make those police feel like they just saved your life. Stroke the ego, not the taser finger. You'll live to watch Seinfeld another day.

8. Speak up & out against police wrongdoing, just never in front of them.
Remember, police are assholes like everybody else. But they are a special kind of asshole. An asshole that can bring you some pain. Save your outrage for later. Telling a cop he's a douche has only two outcomes: Tasering or death.

9. Be cool during an arrest.
If you are cuffed & stuffed for any reason, just chill from that point forward. Don't try to be cute or clever, like switching around your hands/arms back to the front while in the car. They are never amused. They will pull you out, throw you on the ground and kick you. (been there, done that).

10. Fido is toast.
Sacrifice your animals. If you're stopped or confronted by police and your dog freaks out and starts barking, he's on his own. The police will try to shoot him, and if you try to tell them not to or worse, actually try to stop them from killing your dog, then the dog still dies and you get tasered or dead, or both.

cops are bastard, it's nice they don't have that shit in my country

[u-Bob]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Remember folks, regardless of what you have heard, you are not legally required to utter a single word to police. Not even your name.

q f t

[u-Bob]

Originally Posted by BigDeanEvans

I always thought you had to identify yourself when asked to do so?

In the US: no.
In most EU countries: yes.

[u-Bob]

Originally Posted by sexdatesj

But your required to furnish ID as to whom you are.

FACT