awesome jokes :) - GoFuckYourself.com

Grapesoda · 04-27-2015, 07:02 AM

How Many Will You Get?

1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
?What do we want??.
?Time travel?
?When do we want it??.
?Irrelevant.?

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.?
?Are you sure??
?Yes, I?m positive.?

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

XMaster · 04-27-2015, 07:04 AM

Spunky · 04-27-2015, 07:25 AM

I chuckled at a few of those

bronco67 · 04-27-2015, 07:26 AM

These jokes are as not awesome as I thought they would be.

Va2k · 04-27-2015, 07:32 AM

I got them all but this one, Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
I missed something and it's probably the lack of sleep.

PhilADX · 04-27-2015, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Va2k

I got them all but this one, Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t.
I missed something and it's probably the lack of sleep.

Schrodinger's cat is basically a paradox where a cat is simultaneously alive and dead to explain some quantum physics theory.

RebelR · 04-27-2015, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Va2k

I got them all but this one, Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
I missed something and it's probably the lack of sleep.

Look up Shrodingers Cat. Short story, there's a cat in a box, and you don't know if the cat is alive or dead until you open it.. so the cat at that moment can be simultaneously alive and dead.

Edit: PhilADX beat me to it.

2MuchMark · 04-27-2015, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grapesoda

How Many Will You Get?

1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
?What do we want??.
?Time travel?
?When do we want it??.
?Irrelevant.?

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.?
?Are you sure??
?Yes, I?m positive.?

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

Plutocracy · 04-27-2015, 09:19 AM

I like these

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grapesoda

How Many Will You Get?

1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t.

5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
?What do we want??.
?Time travel?
?When do we want it??.
?Irrelevant.?

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.?
?Are you sure??
?Yes, I?m positive.?

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

J. Falcon · 04-27-2015, 09:22 AM

Those were hilarious!!!!!

Grapesoda · 04-27-2015, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronco67

These jokes are as not awesome as I thought they would be.

the jokes are for intelligent people

romeo22 · 04-27-2015, 10:19 AM

That made me a tickle

Va2k · 04-27-2015, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhilADX

Schrodinger's cat is basically a paradox where a cat is simultaneously alive and dead to explain some quantum physics theory.

Thank you and Rebel now it makes sense. DOH 2 hours of sleep makes one feel stupid.

clickity click · 04-27-2015, 11:21 AM

Who knows Stewart Francis. He is the king of these kind of jokes.

Kenny B! · 04-27-2015, 11:28 AM

Awesome jokes, no chance, good geek jokes yes. Here's my fav geek joke...

There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't

SBJ · 04-27-2015, 11:33 AM

some funny stuff!

Matyko · 04-27-2015, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhilADX

Schrodinger's cat is basically a paradox where a cat is simultaneously alive and dead to explain some quantum physics theory.

"quantum physics" in a first post on gfy.com!!! ALERT ALERT!!

Matyko · 04-27-2015, 12:59 PM

now THIS is a phucking awesome joke imo

SBJ · 04-27-2015, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matyko

now THIS is a phucking awesome joke imo

There isn't enough emoticons to let you know how much I was laughing at that!

a few ones I found just now..

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. ?In English,? he said, ?a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. ? But there isn?t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.? A voice from the back of the room piped up, ?Yeah, right.?

What?s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?? An etymologist knows the difference.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? ? Ask them to pronounce ?unionized.?

It?s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? because they always take things literally.

Who is this Rorschach guy? ? and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Doesn't really fit the top jokes but it's still genius and funny.

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"

The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.

When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"

The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Grapesoda · 04-27-2015, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clickity click

Who knows Stewart Francis. He is the king of these kind of jokes.

very good

Grapesoda · 04-27-2015, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SBJ

What?s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?? An etymologist knows the difference.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? ? Ask them to pronounce ?unionized.?

It?s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? because they always take things literally.

Who is this Rorschach guy? ? and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

"

these are killing me

SilentKnight · 04-27-2015, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grapesoda

the jokes are for intelligent people

All three of us laughed.

curlydavid · 04-27-2015, 05:14 PM

Hooked on Ebonics

Leroy is a 20-year-old 9th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Foreclose - If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money foreclose.

2. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol'lady rectum both.

3. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs and the hotel everybody.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to da big house.

5. Penis - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis.

6. Israel - Alsonso tried to sell me a Rolex. I said, man dat looks fake. He said bullshit, dat watch Israel.

7. Catacomb - Don King was at the fight the other night, man somebody oughta give dat catacomb.

8. Undermine - There is a fine looking hoe living in da apartment undermine.

9. Acoustic - When I was liddle, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to da pool hall.

10. Iraq - When we go to da pool hall, I tol my uncle Iraq, you break.

11. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her do you plan on stain for dinner?

12. Seldom - My cousin gave me two tickets to the Nicks game, so I seldom.

13. Odyssey - I tol my brother, you odyssey the tits on this hoe.

14. Axe - The policeman wanted to axe me some questions.

15. Tripoli - I was gonna buy my ol'lady a bra for her birthday, but I couldn't find a tripoli.

16. Income - I just got in bed with da hoe and income my wife.

PaperstreetWinston · 04-27-2015, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clickity click

Who knows Stewart Francis. He is the king of these kind of jokes.

awesome set!

EddyTheDog · 04-27-2015, 09:20 PM

Quote:

It?s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? because they always take things literally.

That one got me

...

SBJ · 04-28-2015, 12:51 AM

this board needs more jokes and less drama today!

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

curlydavid · 04-28-2015, 05:20 PM

Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla:
"How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
She says, "Buckwheat is dumb."
The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid.'"
Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out, "I may be dumb
and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

rogueteens · 04-28-2015, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clickity click

Who knows Stewart Francis. He is the king of these kind of jokes.

yeah, he is good, he has the same sort of style as Jimmy Carr

SekobA · 04-30-2015, 01:49 AM

Back to the good old days

Kaja.Candidlooks · 06-18-2015, 03:08 PM

you made me smile

SilentKnight · 06-18-2015, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SBJ

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

mineistaken · 06-18-2015, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhilADX

Schrodinger's cat is basically a paradox where a cat is simultaneously alive and dead to explain some quantum physics theory.

Nope, cat is either alive or dead, not simultaneously both

Theory crashed

04-27-2015, 07:02 AM	#1
Grapesoda So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 46,238	awesome jokes :) How Many Will You Get? 1. I?m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can?t put it down. 2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn?t seem to be gaining momentum. 3. Why can?t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don?t believe in higher powers. 4. Schrodinger?s cat walks into a bar. And doesn?t. 5. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell. 6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab: ?What do we want??. ?Time travel? ?When do we want it??. ?Irrelevant.? 7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark! 8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies ?For you, no charge?. 9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: ?Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.? ?Are you sure?? ?Yes, I?m positive.? 10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

04-27-2015, 07:04 AM	#2
XMaster Poker Player Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 2,944	__________________ iStripper 50% revshare since 1998 You missed out on Bitcoin! Don't miss DOLZ.

04-27-2015, 07:25 AM	#3
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,919	I chuckled at a few of those __________________ *Skype : Spunky GFY*

04-27-2015, 07:26 AM	#4
bronco67 Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 29,035	These jokes are as not awesome as I thought they would be. __________________

04-27-2015, 07:32 AM	#5
Va2k I’m still alive barley. Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Va Posts: 10,060	I got them all but this one, Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t. I missed something and it's probably the lack of sleep. __________________

04-27-2015, 09:22 AM	#10
J. Falcon www.AdultCopywriters.com Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 31,562	Those were hilarious!!!!! __________________ Adult Copywriters SEO Content for Porn Sites sales at adultcopywriters dot com

04-27-2015, 10:19 AM	#12
romeo22 你自己去他媽的 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 23,346	That made me a tickle

04-27-2015, 11:21 AM	#14
clickity click So Fecking Bummed Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 3,682	Who knows Stewart Francis. He is the king of these kind of jokes.

04-27-2015, 11:28 AM	#15
Kenny B! Confirmed Abuser Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Montreal Posts: 5,716	Awesome jokes, no chance, good geek jokes yes. Here's my fav geek joke... There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't __________________ Kenny -at- YourPaysitePartner.com Skype: kennyb514 Do business with us: Your Paysite Partner Kenny's Pennies Sticky Dollars Radical Cash Indie Bucks Stand Ahead Read My Ambush Interview Here

04-27-2015, 11:33 AM	#16
SBJ So Fucking Fabulous Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Indiana Posts: 11,375	some funny stuff! __________________ Chaturbate - Make tons of money from Cams! *Name Silo - Domains under $9 and free ID protect*

04-27-2015, 12:59 PM	#18
Matyko PsyHead Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Hungary Posts: 8,662	now THIS is a phucking awesome joke imo __________________ -=- Register with our ref link and we help you with the setup! -=- AdSpyglass.com - Double your profit from brokers

04-27-2015, 05:14 PM	#23
curlydavid Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Jersey Posts: 65	Hooked on Ebonics Leroy is a 20-year-old 9th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Foreclose - If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money foreclose. 2. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol'lady rectum both. 3. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs and the hotel everybody. 4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to da big house. 5. Penis - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis. 6. Israel - Alsonso tried to sell me a Rolex. I said, man dat looks fake. He said bullshit, dat watch Israel. 7. Catacomb - Don King was at the fight the other night, man somebody oughta give dat catacomb. 8. Undermine - There is a fine looking hoe living in da apartment undermine. 9. Acoustic - When I was liddle, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to da pool hall. 10. Iraq - When we go to da pool hall, I tol my uncle Iraq, you break. 11. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her do you plan on stain for dinner? 12. Seldom - My cousin gave me two tickets to the Nicks game, so I seldom. 13. Odyssey - I tol my brother, you odyssey the tits on this hoe. 14. Axe - The policeman wanted to axe me some questions. 15. Tripoli - I was gonna buy my ol'lady a bra for her birthday, but I couldn't find a tripoli. 16. Income - I just got in bed with da hoe and income my wife. __________________ NEED EXTRA CASH TRY MYRXCASH AWESOME CONVERSIONS

04-28-2015, 12:51 AM	#26
SBJ So Fucking Fabulous Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Indiana Posts: 11,375	this board needs more jokes and less drama today! Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog. __________________ Chaturbate - Make tons of money from Cams! *Name Silo - Domains under $9 and free ID protect*

04-28-2015, 05:20 PM	#27
curlydavid Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Jersey Posts: 65	Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla: "How do you spell 'dumb'?" Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." She says, "Buckwheat is dumb." The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid.'" Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid." When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate." Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out, "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!" __________________ NEED EXTRA CASH TRY MYRXCASH AWESOME CONVERSIONS

04-30-2015, 01:49 AM	#29
SekobA Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 567721649 Posts: 12,157	Back to the good old days __________________ Best Affiliate Program Available Start Promoting 25% REV-SHARE

06-18-2015, 03:08 PM	#30
Kaja.Candidlooks Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Prague Posts: 35	you made me smile __________________ New Sponsor! ►100% Amateur Babes ►100% Unique Content ► Converts! More info \|\| Our sites \|\| Start Promoting \|\| Tools and resources \|\| Contacts