How do you wipe your goddamn ass? - GoFuckYourself.com

ruff · 02-05-2021, 04:54 PM

I used to use toilet paper but that's such an old pandemic thing. Now I wipe my ass with a portable bidet.

Oh yeah, I brush my fucking teeth twice a day for fuck's sake.

Sly · 02-05-2021, 04:59 PM

The pandemic brought a bidet to my house.

They are quite nifty.

CaptainHowdy · 02-05-2021, 05:31 PM

Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ?

EddyTheDog · 02-05-2021, 05:37 PM

After living in Spain, where everyone has a bidet, for 10 years I'm still not convinced I was using them correctly - They are great for sweaty balls, but I find wet wipes better for the ass area...

Also great in combination with a heated towel rail and free shampoo for underwear emergencies in hotels.....

EddyTheDog · 02-05-2021, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ?

Bidets are CS's (im)mortal enemy...

CaptainHowdy · 02-05-2021, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EddyTheDog

Bidets are CS's (im)mortal enemy...

Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .

Zuzana Designs · 02-05-2021, 05:54 PM

Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win!

EddyTheDog · 02-05-2021, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .

Pretty sure you are not meant to shit IN the bidet!..

Or is that what I was doing wrong?....

CurrentlySober · 02-05-2021, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

Big pieces of feces may clog the bidet and you have to push 'em down yourself . . .

Yes. With your tongue... Especially when it's not yours, but a guests

To answer the OP - I don't...

The Porn Nerd · 02-05-2021, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zuzana Designs

Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win!

You wrap a baby wipe around a cucumber??

Well i guess that does save time. Simultaneously shit and masturbate. How efficient!

Chicks eh?

Pink24 · 02-05-2021, 06:30 PM

I don't use bidet's anymore - not since the episode in '09 when one exploded on me.

My toilet routine consists of wiping the excess off with a cucumber and then using wipes. I purchased a bunch from Harrods of London when they had a sale on. They are gold gilted and dissolve in water. The pack says they are 100% better for your bum than the leading wipes.
The procedure normally takes around 20 minutes. After wiping I apply oils that act as a barrier and as a cushion.

fuzebox · 02-05-2021, 07:07 PM

Bidet is best

I can't figure out those european style ones though, the japanese is the way to go.

I have packs of wipes for travel.

Anyone who's ever filmed adult content knows that toilet paper just moves the poop around...

pm2000 · 02-05-2021, 07:50 PM

with hundred dollar bills

mechanicvirus · 02-05-2021, 09:47 PM

Since most people have said bidets and I have social anxiety, I have now hooked up a hose from my sink. Wish me luck.

grzepa · 02-06-2021, 01:30 AM

Another question arises - how do you deal with your daily sharts ? Do you even care and let the crust fall out on its own, or you treat it as a legitimate shit ?

Paul&John · 02-06-2021, 07:38 AM

Using wipes, but looking forward to upgrade to a bidet!

maxjohan · 02-06-2021, 07:43 AM

I've never tried whiping my ass. That's disgusting !

NatalieK · 02-06-2021, 07:54 AM

always seemed to have a bidet, from growing up and now living in Spain. I still use toilet paper to wipe my ass, but then the bidet to wash after...

Aren´t bidet´s children´s toilets

Look Chang · 02-06-2021, 06:49 PM

In SE Asia, we use the bum gun...

The Porn Nerd · 02-06-2021, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Look Chang

In SE Asia, we use the bum gun...

Yeah I got one of those at the end of my garden hose.
Maybe I should try that on my ass next time I'm out planting petunias.

BoneTicklers · 02-06-2021, 06:55 PM

Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

adultchatpay · 02-06-2021, 08:10 PM

Bidet is perfect, it should clean your ass. But finish it off with wipes.

Look Chang · 02-06-2021, 08:22 PM

In Europe, originally, a bidet is a bowl or receptacle designed to be sat on for the purpose of washing the human genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. In several European countries, a bidet is required by law to be present in every bathroom containing a toilet bowl.

Look Chang · 02-06-2021, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneTicklers

Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

Lucky dude ...

Applebite Media · 02-07-2021, 06:25 AM

Ok, so you squirt water up your ass to clean it... so what.... do you walk around with a wet ass? You still have to wipe right?

Never used one, but it's logical.

Pink24 · 02-07-2021, 08:49 AM

Yeah, and what do you wipe with? tha bathroom towel that someone is later gonna wipe their face with or tissue which falls apart leaving bits all over you ass.

sarettah · 02-07-2021, 08:58 AM

When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

I really don't know what to say.

.

mechanicvirus · 02-07-2021, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarettah

When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

I really don't know what to say.

.

You have to legally tell us how you wipe sir.

CurrentlySober · 02-07-2021, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarettah

When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

I lik 2 think its the result of my near 20 years of ceaseless poo promotion, that others on the board are now finally aligning their interests with my way of thinking...

shake · 02-07-2021, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CurrentlySober

I lik 2 think its the result of my near 20 years of ceaseless poo promotion, that others on the board are now finally aligning their interests with my way of thinking...

I like poo

ruff · 02-07-2021, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarettah

When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?"

Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass.

I really don't know what to say.

.

I don't know what to say either. It was my response to the brush your teeth post.

CurrentlySober · 02-07-2021, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shake

I like poo

Yay! Its a 'movement'

sarettah · 02-07-2021, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mechanicvirus

You have to legally tell us how you wipe sir.

Just write me the ticket then officer, cause I ain't talking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruff

I don't know what to say either. It was my response to the brush your teeth post.

lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CurrentlySober

Yay! Its a 'movement'

Is that a double entendre?

.

CurrentlySober · 02-07-2021, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarettah

Is that a double entendre?

i cunt a4da a double entendre...

Grapesoda · 02-09-2021, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneTicklers

Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

slaves is such a harsh word, in good old democratic tradition let us change that to 'prisoners with jobs'

BoneTicklers · 02-09-2021, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Look Chang

Lucky dude ...

He found this girl via a Craigslist ad looking for models for an art project. When she showed up, he told her it would be in black and white.. therefore it's art!

pornguy · 02-09-2021, 12:10 PM

have used baby wipes for 20 years.

BoneTicklers · 02-09-2021, 03:48 PM

Back when I was a teenager I almost drowned in a bidet and that wasn't very pleasant.

ruff · 02-09-2021, 07:53 PM

The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that?
Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez.

Sly · 02-09-2021, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruff

The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that?
Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez.

Corncobs and cacti… sounds like a new Tenacious D song.

TheLegacy · 02-11-2021, 07:17 AM

ruff · 02-14-2021, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheLegacy

A paper cut would change your mind in a hurry!

02-05-2021, 04:54 PM	#1
ruff I have a plan B Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Seattle - Miami - St Kitts Posts: 5,501	How do you wipe your goddamn ass? I used to use toilet paper but that's such an old pandemic thing. Now I wipe my ass with a portable bidet. Oh yeah, I brush my fucking teeth twice a day for fuck's sake. __________________ CryptoFeeds

02-05-2021, 04:59 PM	#2
Sly Let's do some business! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 31,288	The pandemic brought a bidet to my house. They are quite nifty. __________________ Vacares - Web Hosting, Domains, O365, Security & More - Paxum and BTC Accepted Wanted: CCBill pay sites for sale

02-05-2021, 05:31 PM	#3
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 92,984	Are you a paid shill for CurrentlySober's masturbatory thrills ? ? __________________ FLASH SALE INSANITY! deal with a 100% Trusted Seller Buy Traffic Spots on a High-Quality Network 1 Year or Lifetime — That’s Right, Until the Internet Explodes!

02-05-2021, 05:37 PM	#4
EddyTheDog Just Doing My Own Thing Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: London, Spain, New Zealand, GFY - Not Croydon... Posts: 25,034	After living in Spain, where everyone has a bidet, for 10 years I'm still not convinced I was using them correctly - They are great for sweaty balls, but I find wet wipes better for the ass area... Also great in combination with a heated towel rail and free shampoo for underwear emergencies in hotels..... __________________ - Chaturbate Script - https://gfy.com/fucking-around-and-b...er-issues.html - Now supports White Labels

02-05-2021, 05:54 PM	#7
Zuzana Designs All Your Design Needs Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: [email protected] Posts: 20,787	Toilet paper is so 2020. Cucumber baby wipes for the win! __________________ Website Design - Consulting - Development sarah [at] zuzanadesigns.com - See Our Work Need a SFW landing page or tour for age verification?

02-05-2021, 06:30 PM	#11
Pink24 So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2019 Posts: 1,436	I don't use bidet's anymore - not since the episode in '09 when one exploded on me. My toilet routine consists of wiping the excess off with a cucumber and then using wipes. I purchased a bunch from Harrods of London when they had a sale on. They are gold gilted and dissolve in water. The pack says they are 100% better for your bum than the leading wipes. The procedure normally takes around 20 minutes. After wiping I apply oils that act as a barrier and as a cushion.

02-05-2021, 07:07 PM	#12
fuzebox making it rain Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: seattle Posts: 22,004	Bidet is best I can't figure out those european style ones though, the japanese is the way to go. I have packs of wipes for travel. Anyone who's ever filmed adult content knows that toilet paper just moves the poop around...

02-05-2021, 07:50 PM	#13
pm2000 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: cali Posts: 3,135	with hundred dollar bills

02-05-2021, 09:47 PM	#14
mechanicvirus Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Southern California Posts: 3,730	Since most people have said bidets and I have social anxiety, I have now hooked up a hose from my sink. Wish me luck.

02-06-2021, 01:30 AM	#15
grzepa Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,195	Another question arises - how do you deal with your daily sharts ? Do you even care and let the crust fall out on its own, or you treat it as a legitimate shit ? __________________ Like X-ART !!

02-06-2021, 07:38 AM	#16
Paul&John Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: YUROP Posts: 8,592	Using wipes, but looking forward to upgrade to a bidet! __________________ Use coupon 'pauljohn' for a $1 discount at already super cheap NameSilo! Anal Webcams \| Kinky Trans Cams Live \| Hotwife XXX Tube \| Get your Proxies here

02-06-2021, 07:43 AM	#17
maxjohan Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Sweden Posts: 7,219	I've never tried whiping my ass. That's disgusting ! __________________ I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

02-06-2021, 07:54 AM	#18
NatalieK Natalie K Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Spain Posts: 19,050	always seemed to have a bidet, from growing up and now living in Spain. I still use toilet paper to wipe my ass, but then the bidet to wash after... Aren´t bidet´s children´s toilets __________________ My official site NatalieK.xxx My free porn & affiliate blog Natalie K affiliate program First time girls Skype: gspotproductions - "Converting traffic into income since 2005"

02-06-2021, 06:49 PM	#19
Look Chang Sexpat Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 16,456	In SE Asia, we use the bum gun... __________________ Bests Hot & Juicy Asian Girls Sex Sites : SEDUCTION -> FELLATIO -> CONCLUSION

02-06-2021, 06:55 PM	#21
BoneTicklers Made you look... Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2019 Posts: 40	Real ballers like me have slaves to do that for them.

02-06-2021, 08:10 PM	#22
adultchatpay Let's Make Money Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 8,784	Bidet is perfect, it should clean your ass. But finish it off with wipes.

02-06-2021, 08:22 PM	#23
Look Chang Sexpat Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 16,456	In Europe, originally, a bidet is a bowl or receptacle designed to be sat on for the purpose of washing the human genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus. In several European countries, a bidet is required by law to be present in every bathroom containing a toilet bowl. __________________ Bests Hot & Juicy Asian Girls Sex Sites : SEDUCTION -> FELLATIO -> CONCLUSION

02-07-2021, 06:25 AM	#25
Applebite Media Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 406	Ok, so you squirt water up your ass to clean it... so what.... do you walk around with a wet ass? You still have to wipe right? Never used one, but it's logical. __________________ ================================================== ============================ Help, HELP!.... Jane, Stop This Crazy Thing!!!!!! Stop renting software! Say NO to Rentware! Take a Bite - Applebite Media

02-07-2021, 08:49 AM	#26
Pink24 So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2019 Posts: 1,436	Yeah, and what do you wipe with? tha bathroom towel that someone is later gonna wipe their face with or tissue which falls apart leaving bits all over you ass.

02-07-2021, 08:58 AM	#27
sarettah see you later, I'm gone Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 14,053	When I saw the thread title I thought it was questioning the inteligence level of the board. Ya know, kind of like, "How the hell do you people manage to wipe your ass?" Instead I find out it is an actual discussion on the methodologies involved in wiping your ass. I really don't know what to say. . __________________ All cookies cleared!

02-09-2021, 12:10 PM	#37
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,912	have used baby wipes for 20 years. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!

02-09-2021, 03:48 PM	#38
BoneTicklers Made you look... Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2019 Posts: 40	Back when I was a teenager I almost drowned in a bidet and that wasn't very pleasant.

02-09-2021, 07:53 PM	#39
ruff I have a plan B Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Seattle - Miami - St Kitts Posts: 5,501	The first time I went to Switzerland, the hotel had a bidet. I had no idea exactly how to use it but thought it was a great idea and wondered why we didn't have them in America. I also wondered why boys are taught to stand up when they piss at home in the toilet. I guess it's so we can leave the seat down and spray piss all over the place. Must be some of that English hygiene we brought over on the fucking Mayflower. I thought we were the smartest country but how long did we wipe our asses with corncobs until we figured out toilet paper? And who's idea was that? Europeans and Asians have been laughing at us for centuries! Jeez. __________________ CryptoFeeds

02-11-2021, 07:17 AM	#41
TheLegacy SEO Connoisseur Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Brantford, Ontario Posts: 16,334	__________________ SEO Connoisseur Microsoft Teams: Robert Warren SEO Skype: robjameswarren RobertWarrenSEO.com