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Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,913
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Relationship Expert Wanted to Solve a Dilemma
Hi there,
I have a friend who is facing a loving yet terrible relationship that he has no idea how to deal with. I am not sure if I could get a good advice from any of you guys here, but I will give it a try, and see if I could pass him some good advices from you guys. When he told me, I was speechless, I have absolutely no idea how to help him. Here is a story... A guy falls in love in a girl because of her personality and decent appearance. They both have been together for almost 2 years. However, the girl came from an unfortunately family background. Her dad is in the prison and her mum is dating someone else whom she hates him very much. She is a divorcee. Most of her closed friends are divorcees as well. All of them are alcoholic including her single mother friends. They all have problematic relationships. The guy has to quietly listen to all the stories of her friends' problematic relationships. Besides that, she has a $30k bank loan due to over-spending and business failure, this will take her some time to pay off. Though, she did not come from a normal family, she acknowledges her misfortune and tries to be as positive as possible. she has many relatives and friends who love her and are willing to help her if she needs help including money, they all understand the circumstance she is facing. She probably has all the guys want in a girl. She is pretty, adorable, cheerful and submissive. And she loves children. She is very loyal to him as well. The guy is a well educated decent guy who came from a decent family. He is ambitious, he has a lot of plans ahead of him. He wants to have a family. However, he is too afraid to marry to this girl even though they are deeply in love. He is too scared to fall into her social circle that might potentially jeopardize his future. He has been consistently staying away from most of her friends. He could hardly find anything in common in front of her friends. I think that's the best I could describe here. What do you think they should do? Should they break up? Should the the man ask the girl to leave her circle of friends? |
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#2 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,584
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what is the dilemna? sounds normal to me
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BADOINK.COM skype: troncarver |
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#3 |
working on my tan
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Florida/Kentucky
Posts: 39,152
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Match.com
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#4 |
So Fucking Banananananas
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: If I was in your ass you'd know it
Posts: 12,991
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People with issues and problems like that like to be around other people with the same, this way they feel "normal."
IMO, this guy is going to have to deal with a lot of excess baggage, including a rather large loan that will quickly become HIS responsibility. 2 years is not enough time to really know someone, this is about the time that people change into who they really are. I'd tell him to let them date for another year and have her get her finances and life in order. People surround themselves with people who they want to be--losers with losers and winners with winners. I'd tell him that she needs to slowly pull away from these people that are bringing her down and find new positive friends. /dr phil
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Email: Clicky on Me |
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#5 |
Femcams.com
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: bjcam.com
Posts: 12,220
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I guess its not love if he does not do anything with the girl
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#6 |
Biker Gnome
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: cell#324
Posts: 23,201
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I had the break from hell recently, pure fucking evil. It's going to be a judgement call on his part, plain and simple. He has to ask the question is she worth it?
Definitely no joint checking accounts
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Carbon is not the problem, it makes up 0.041% of our atmosphere , 95% of that is from Volcanos and decomposing plants and stuff. So people in the US are responsible for 13% of the carbon in the atmosphere which 95% is not from Humans, like cars and trucks and stuff and they want to spend trillions to fix it while Solar Panel plants are powered by coal plants think about that |
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#7 |
So Fucking Banned
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: In my head
Posts: 6,844
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Mover far away...err...tell 'your friend' to move far away with her to get her away from her loser friends. Once moved don't let her out of the house, otherwise she will make friends with new losers.
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#8 |
Porn Meister
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 16,443
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Move far away with her and she can keep in touch by technology.?
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43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar. ![]() |
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#9 | |
More Cowbell
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Nakhom Nowhere
Posts: 10,607
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Quote:
If not if he is serious move to another part of his country as far as away as possible.
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Truth Teller |
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#10 |
Living the Dream
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Murica
Posts: 2,376
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Is the pussy good?
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#11 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,670
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Are you talking about yourself?
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#12 |
working on my tan
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Florida/Kentucky
Posts: 39,152
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#13 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Holland
Posts: 9,870
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Real love overcomes all. No need to ask what to do.
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Don't let greediness blur your vision | You gotta let some shit slide icq - 441-456-888 |
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#14 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,332
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You can take a girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.
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Sigmund |
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#15 |
Marketing & Strategy
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Former nomad
Posts: 14,293
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Get married. Then move across the country. Problem solved.
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Whitehat is for chumps If you don't do it, somebody else will - true story!
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#16 |
I'm clockin' ya, Versace shade watchin' ya
Industry Role:
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: internet
Posts: 13,785
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I am 12 and what is this?
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#17 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,913
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is it really all that simple?
Moving across the country sounds like a good piece of advice? How about declare bankruptcy? |
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#18 |
<&(©¿©)&>
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 47,882
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What will that accomplish? She will just learn that she can spend more than she earns and can get away with it by just filing bankruptcy, so she will repeat it again few years down the road dragging the guy into it with her...
![]() and besides, one would have to be real sack of shit to even consider something like that... where I came from, when you borrow the $$$, you do whatever it takes to pay it back... especially considering the amount is relatively small and she pissed it all away like an idiot, it's not like she got blindsided by some medical bills for $500k or something... she needs to get her shit together, and pay it back... ![]()
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Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager ![]() Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager |
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#19 |
So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: the beach, SoCal
Posts: 107,090
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Before I can give any advice I need to know how old each party is. Most important part of the equation.
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#20 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
Sure she should try to pay the bank loan, but if she can't in a reasonable time period, then why should she? The bank isn't ethical - they just do whatever it takes to make more money. And yes, banks literally "make" money for loans via the Federal Reserve. As for what the bank is losing ... likely little to nothing. Borrow money from the FED at 0.00-0.25 and loan out at 10% or whatever - the bank is making a bundle even if a large number of borrowers default; it's already factored in ... and, especially if it's a large bank, they've miscalculated their exposure, no problem, the government will bail them out. Bottom line, ethics mean little to nothing in business, especially when the framework itself is corrupt and tilted against the average person (read a EULA or consumer agreement sometime; credit cards can charge any interest rate they want and yet an individual legally can't). One needs to look out for their best interests just like businesses do for theirs.
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Domagon - Website Management and Domain Name Sales |
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#21 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 19,631
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if she can't seperate herself from her fucked up life and be normal, i'd say split.
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you don't know you're wearing a leash if you sit by the peg all day.. |
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#22 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Clouds with Carebears
Posts: 7,951
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it's not going to work... better leave it sooner than later.
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#23 | |
<&(©¿©)&>
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 47,882
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Quote:
For example, as the default rate rises, so will interest rates for everyone else, so will number of hoops one will have to jump through to get the loan, etc, heck even the bank employee that approved her loan could lose a job over it, etc.... Though filing bankruptcy may be in her best interest, it becomes a bit unethical when everyone else has to cover the costs of her financial recklessness... ![]()
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Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager ![]() Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager |
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#24 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,726
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![]() Mathieu |
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#25 |
Reach for those stars!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 17,991
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Sounds fairly normal. Not everyone has super-successful friends and family. Make it clear that the debt is hers to pay off, but if they are going to be a team, they need to be honest with each other and work out a plan to make that happen. Maybe she needs some financial planning advice? Lots of people have absolutely no clue in money matters.
Why does her mother enter into it? |
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#26 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 5000 full paysite reviews and counting
Posts: 3,550
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It sounds like your "friend" needs to get over himself. Unless he is running for president, or unless the Gf's friends are serial killers and drug kingpins, I don't see why he's so concerned about their personal lives. Maybe getting a hobby would help.
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gone. long gone.
aylasquareturtle .."a"t".. gmail dawt com |
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#27 |
Confirmed Chicago Pimp
Industry Role:
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Chicago
Posts: 7,100
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come up with a job offer far away, she moves with and old baggage gone, she doesn't wanna move then peace out
![]() my bullshit tolerance level depends on the person, awesome chick more willing to put up with bullshit, average chick then I don't need the drama, awesome doesn't mean just looks but the total package ![]() |
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#28 | |
Let's do some business!
Industry Role:
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 31,289
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Quote:
If you are willing to screw over a bank, you are willing to screw over someone else. It doesn't matter what someone else's ethics are, it shows clearly what your ethics are when you go about screwing over the bank because you think they did you wrong (when in reality, you probably fucked up just as much as they did.) Your very last line pretty much sums up the whole story. "One needs to look out for their best interests." When this person that owes money now needs help again in the future, this person is going to be looking for another scapegoat because this person felt screwed over.
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Vacares - Web Hosting, Domains, O365, Security & More - Paxum and BTC Accepted Wanted: CCBill pay sites for sale |
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#29 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 319
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#30 |
Too lazy to set a custom title
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: portland, OR
Posts: 20,684
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Based on my experience, if the mom has issues and her friends have issues then it is likely she has issues and it is just a matter of time before they surface.
This might be judgmental, but if I started dating a girl and found out her dad was in jail and her mom was dating an asshole and everyone around her was an alcoholic I would bolt before there was ever any real attachment. |
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#31 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Cali
Posts: 5,449
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the one thing he needs to understand is that you can't change people. if you can't accept the person you are with for exactly who they are in that moment, you need to walk away. wishing, hoping and thinking change will come if only you show the person how great life can be in better circumstances is a pipe dream and you are fooling yourself. not saying that can't happen but it's a crap shoot. what you see is usually what you get. he should not go down the rabbit hole with her in my opinion
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Julie Larson julie {at} juicyads.com skype: imortylpussycat |
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#32 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
As for interest rates remaining higher than they should, the main reason is greed - banks pay less than ever for money and yet the spread (the % bank pays verses the % they lend for) is larger. It's no wonder banks are still reporting record breaking earnings. And in regards to the bank employee, they're not going be fired assuming they did what the computer said and followed policy. Anyways, what bank employee still makes important decisions these days? Ok, I suppose maybe at some small, local banks, but most all banks, including credit unions, the lending decision is mostly automated with the employee doing little more than gathering data on the borrower, inputting it into the computer, and proceeding, in accordance with bank policy, with whether to lend or not - the bank employee is not really deciding much of anything, the computer is!
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Domagon - Website Management and Domain Name Sales |
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#33 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
Individuals get criticized for purposely not paying on their mortgage so as to get out of the loan. And businesses, which do likewise all the time (strategic default), are usually commended for cutting costs and saving money. In short, when the power-elite chose to be more ethical, the public at-large will too.
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Domagon - Website Management and Domain Name Sales |
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#34 | ||||
<&(©¿©)&>
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 47,882
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
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On the other hand, a person not paying back a loan despite ability to do so is clearly acting unethically.. This is perhaps a paradox, but since businesses are setup to act in the best interest of their shareholders, they are acting ethically, while a person in a similar situation is not....
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#35 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
Also, where did this notion come from that businesses can only act in the best interest of their shareholders? ... and is that really 100% true? From what I've read it's not quite that iron-clad; more an excuse for corporate stakeholders to do things they normally wouldn't consider otherwise. Anyways, who runs businesses? Who are these shareholders? People! So I suppose if someone gets involved in any business venture in any capacity, ethics can be totally disregarded - didn't know it was that easy.
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#36 | |
Anti Communist
Industry Role:
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Null
Posts: 29,750
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Quote:
best Duke
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My mother said, to get things done You'd better not mess with Major Tom |
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#37 |
See signature :)
Industry Role:
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: ICQ 363 097 773
Posts: 29,656
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I would sign prenup, no joint account etc etc - so that there would be no harm for me if I divorced. Then why not, you have nothing to lose, if she turns out to be "with problems" later you would divorce. If not - you would live happily. Its as simple as tat for me.
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#38 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 850
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Break up with her. People surround themselves with people like them. If her friends are losers, she is a loser. And her financial status proves it. It will only get worse.
Friend might want to examine why he feels the need to be with someone that he can look down on. |
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#39 | |
So Fucking Banned
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Montana
Posts: 46,238
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#40 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,913
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many thanks for all the advices.
will keep you guys posted if there is any new development later... stay tuned... ha |
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#41 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 850
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Why don't you matchmake your friends loser gf and MrMaxwell, your friend will be free to pursue quality girls, and the other two will be a match made in heaven.
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