Alzheimer's. FUCK YOU !!

[Scott McD]

What a horrible horrible disease,

I visit my parents as often as I can. I see them most days to be honest. The decline in my mum in the past 12 to 24 months has been horrific to watch.

She basically can't do the simplest of tasks in the house, can't go out alone. And to be honest can hardly hold a conversation at all now,

Just over 2 years ago she was at work and no health issues at the time. She's only 61.

Watching my dad not cope and now speaking about having to put her in a home has caused WW3 with me and my brother now saying that won'the be happening, We know there is help out there, but can't help feel even that is too little too late. My dad has turned to drink big time which obviously isn't helping. It's his way of dealing with it but as a "career" it's not appropriate at all.

It's actually been hard to concentrate on work and not even been on here much as a result.


Sad thing is things can only get worse with no chance of improving....

[Scott McD]

Anyway, sorry for the rant but past few weeks months been shitty and felt like sharing.

Been around here long enough so thought the community here would maybe have experienced something similar and how they dealt with it...

[PR_Glen]

sorry to hear that Scott. that is horrible news. Keep on them with what they are eating, there are some early studies that have shown that some foods may help improve things from the day to day anyway. mostly anti oxidants, healthy fats etc.

[escorpio]

Going through the same with my 81 year old father. I know how painful and stressful it is.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by PR_Glen

sorry to hear that Scott. that is horrible news. Keep on them with what they are eating, there are some early studies that have shown that some foods may help improve things from the day to day anyway. mostly anti oxidants, healthy fats etc.

Thanks. Yeah been looking into thinns the past wee while.

Sucks. But shows none of us know what'she around theach corner. Which is maybe just aswell. To think she was at work in apparent full health only recently, yet now a shadow of her former self.

When her ex workmates come to visit they always end up leaving in tears....

[Mickey_]

Sorry to hear. She's young, have you considered or has she already tested alternative medicine/diet?

[TheDynasty]

Very sad Scott keep your head up and do whats best to keep her out of a home

[TheSquealer]

I'm going to say something that may sound horrible but i've had multiple relatives die from Alzheimer's.

One thing that people aren't aware of is that people dying from advanced alheimers happens all the time. People are discovered in autopsy after autopsy after autopsy to have died with advanced alheimers and never showed any symptoms or signs of being affected. It largely has to do with cognitive demand you put on your brain, day in and day out. Use it or lose it. When i think back about my grandparents, they were "retired" and withered away quickly,.... but they did nothing to challenge themselves daily mentally - where a mathematics professor can die of any cause and be discovered to have had advanced Alzheimer and had never shown any signs as he was placing a very high cognitive load on his brain daily which forces the brain to continue to create and develop alternative pathways to work around/bypass and restore lost function.

A neuroscientist familiar with the disease would suggest that if you want to preserve brain function and slow it down, you have to actively and exhaustively work the brain.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by Mickey_

Sorry to hear. She's young, have you considered or has she already tested alternative medicine/diet?

Been changed medicines and scans a lot but a few months ago the hospital senow a letter saying she doesn't need any more appointments and is on the proper medicine. So sounded pretty final to us.

Seems a ridiculous way to respond to her condition to be honest....

[Bladewire]

I'm sorry you're going through this process man it can be a tough long road full of possitive suprises and upticks. Just ignore the crap below just random thoughts with good intentions.

No father wants his golden years to be a drunk that can't take care of his wife, and no Mom wants to be a burden on anyone.

At least you have family that you can bring together and pool resources for this emergency. This kind of scenario with elderly couples can be a powder keg leading to abuse, murder suicide, etc.

Your Dad needs to get away and decompress, he's sending you all the signals and someone needs to act before it's too late.

Imagine being your Dad watching your life/wife whither away before you every single day feeling helpless, every day, and sleeping with someone who's fading away, and drinking to escape without escaping.

The Toll of Caring for a Spouse with Dementia

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by TheSquealer

I'm going to say something that may sound horrible but i've had multiple relatives die from Alzheimer's.

One thing that people aren't aware of is that people dying from advanced alheimers happens all the time. People are discovered in autopsy after autopsy after autopsy to have died with advanced alheimers and never showed any symptoms or signs of being affected. It largely has to do with cognitive demand you put on your brain, day in and day out. Use it or lose it. When i think back about my grandparents, they were "retired" and withered away quickly,.... but they did nothing to challenge themselves daily mentally - where a mathematics professor can die of any cause and be discovered to have had advanced Alzheimer and had never shown any signs as he was placing a very high cognitive load on his brain daily which forces the brain to continue to create and develop alternative pathways to work around/bypass and restore lost function.

A neuroscientist familiar with the disease would suggest that if you want to preserve brain function and slow it down, you have to actively and exhaustively work the brain.

My dad makes my mum feel useless. I've ready enough online and leaflets etc to show you are meant to make they feel useful and still have some purpose in life.

I do everything to make her feel like she's actually doing something of use of helping, but it's mostly about patience. Which sadly my father doesn't have...

[Google Expert]

There's a very cool Korean movie about Alzheimer Disease: A Moment to Remember (2004) - IMDb

[TheSquealer]

Originally Posted by Scott McD

My dad makes my mum feel useless. I've ready enough online and leaflets etc to show you areach meant to make they feel useful and still have some purpose.

I do everything to make her feel like she's actually doing something of use of helping, but it's mostly about patience. Which sadly my father doesn't have...

I know this is super tough. Its incredibly tough on the spouse. I watched my grandmother die - she lasted about 12 years or something... a long time and watched him fall apart and lose everything financially along the way... and then,... bonus, watched him commit suicide.

There is just no easy way to deal with this stuff other than to try to accept it for what it is. I hate seeing people have to go through this. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by Bladewire

I'm sorry you're going through this process man it can be a tough long road full of possitive suprises and upticks. Just ignore the crap below just random thoughts with good intentions.

No father wants his golden years to be a drunk that can't take care of his wife, and no Mom wants to be a burden on anyone.

At least you have family that you can bring together and pool resources for this emergency. This kind of scenario with elderly couples can be a powder keg leading to abuse, murder suicide, etc.

Your Dad needs to get away and decompress, he's sending you all the signals and someone needs to act before it's too late.

Imagine being your Dad watching your life/wife whither away before you every single day feeling helpless, every day, and sleeping with someone who's fading away, and drinking to escape without escaping.

The Toll of Caring for a Spouse with Dementia

All makese sense.

Both my brother and I have said he'll have a heart attack and go before she goes.

Yes it must be hard for him to watch. I couldn't imagine living with someone who isn'the quite the person you just spent 40 odd years with. But at the same time it'seems my mum aswell so i'm watching it aswell.

All i try and point out to him is this time next year it could be 5x worse again and he will be thinking
"God 12 months ago wasn't so bad".

For all we know this could be her last Christmas. I'm trying to make sure it's as good as it can be. Even if i'my not looking forward to it...

[Mickey_]

Originally Posted by Scott McD

Been changed medicines and scans a lot but a few months ago the hospital senow a letter saying she doesn't need any more appointments and is on the proper medicine. So sounded pretty final to us.

Seems a ridiculous way to respond to her condition to be honest....

Consider researching other options and getting a second, third opinion. I have seen many cases (not directly alzheimers related) where western medicine gave up on someone, but they decided to put up a fight and significantly improved their condition by supplementing with alternative medicine + diet. You have the world's information at your fingertips. Wishing you and your family the best.

[Bladewire]

Originally Posted by Scott McD

All makese sense.

Both my brother and I have said he'll have a heart attack and go before she goes.

Yes it must be hard for him to watch. I couldn't imagine living with someone who isn'the quite the person you just spent 40 odd years with. But at the same time it'seems my mum aswell so i'm watching it aswell.

All i try and point out to him is this time next year it could be 5x worse again and he will be thinking
"God 12 months ago wasn't so bad".

For all we know this could be her last Christmas. I'm trying to make sure it's as good as it can be. Even if i'my not looking forward to it...

"Watching my dad not cope"

"..now speaking about having to put her in a home"

"My dad has turned to drink big time which obviously isn't helping."

"We know there is help out there"

----

He's gotta be feeling like shit, not able to take care of her, watching her fade every single day right in front of him, having to ask for help, looking like the bad guy with his sons.

If I was her I wouldn't want to be a burden or cause of conflict but probably wouldn't want to leave my home. Man so tough! Support for Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers: How to Get the Caregiving Help You Need

[TheLegacy]

I hear you - my mom passed almost 16 years ago and had Alzheimer's mixed with her other stuff. Sad when she can barely recognize you or the family - my sister has it and even standing in front of her around 65 years old - she's oblivious to her own husband - family and father. It is a horrible disease and has taken so many good minds.

[JD]

Terrible stuff man. Go bake some brownies ;)

The Effects of Medical Marijuana on Alzheimer?s Treatment

[wehateporn]

I'm really sorry for you and your family Scott, thanks for sharing you story, it shows how much we need to appreciate the good times when they are here and to be prepared for the unexpected. She is so young for this

[wehateporn]

Originally Posted by JD

Terrible stuff man. Go bake some brownies ;)

The Effects of Medical Marijuana on Alzheimer?s Treatment

Seems to be the cure for everything, no wonder Big Pharma want to keep it banned

[BlackCrayon]

m mother in law had a stroke, developed vascular dementia. eventually we had to put her in a home for her own safety. she continued downward and eventually died in the hospital, a shadow of her former self. it won't get better, only worse sadly. hold on to the memories and never forget the real person behind the disease.

[yuu.design]

sad to hear

[ContentPimp]

Heads up man

[2MuchMark]

Sorry to hear, ScottMD. My mom had the same affliction.

The best thing you can do now is just try to make her happy. Talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Don't bother reminding her if she repeats herself, or anything like that. Smile and nod, enjoy the memories that she has left, and bring her only good news.

Good luck.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by **********

Sorry to hear, ScottMD. My mom had the same affliction.

The best thing you can do now is just try to make her happy. Talk about whatever she wants to talk about. Don't bother reminding her if she repeats herself, or anything like that. Smile and nod, enjoy the memories that she has left, and bring her only good news.

Good luck.

Yeah, my personal problems or interests i don't even speak to her about now. She doesn't need to hear it. If she wants to talk something or even when she mentions older music i just put it on youtube and let her listen away and she enjoys it. And basically remembers every word lol

She actually watches a gameshow here "The Chase", not sure if you guys get it in USA. But the amount of questions she knows the answers to. Amazing really.

Just showsay how crazy and fragile the brain works...

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

m mother in law had a stroke, developed vascular dementia. eventually we had to put her in a home for her own safety. she continued downward and eventually died in the hospital, a shadow of her former self. it won't get better, only worse sadly. hold on to the memories and never forget the real person behind the disease.

I hate to say it. I couldn't ever imagine having to visit her in a home. I think if/when it does ever get to that point, sadly it would maybe be best for her to go and her time on this planet be done with. I strongly believe in dignity.

Typing that sentence is horrific. But it'a how I feel about it....

[Barry-xlovecam]

My step-father died with Alzheimer's at 72 after about 3 years. It's a hard thing to see progress. My thoughts are with you ...

Every person wants to die with dignity -- my step-father was pulling his IV tubes out on the day he died ... sad memory.

[loreen]

I'm sorry to hear, Scott.
Alzheimer's is a terrible disease.

[EddyTheDog]

Sorry to hear that Scott - It's shit and there is nothing I can say to make it better - Be there, she will be happy to see your face...

[Screwed Up]

I'm sorry to hear, Scott. It's good to rant sometimes.

Alzheimer is recently being classified as diabetes type 3.
See if you can put them on a therapeutic ketogenic diet and add coconut oil to their food. I'm not saying that they'll be like new. But anything is better than the path that they're on now.
All the best.

[Elli]

So sorry to hear all the stories in this thread. My grandmother died of Alzheimers when I was 16. No one in the family knew she had it until Grandpa suddenly died of advanced liver cancer that he hadn't told anyone about. We very quickly realized he had been helping her through everything and that she was not able to live on her own at all with him gone. She declined over the next three years and faded away. The last time I saw her she thought I was my mother and she had no idea who my sister was.

My husband's grandmother just passed from it to years ago, too. She was in hospital and so bad that she just cried all day long. Tears just streaming down her face and she would sit there and moan. Nothing anyone did would cheer her. A few months after that started, she forgot how to eat and swallow. Her husband still visited her every day, but I don't know what he did while he was there.

It's a brutal disease with no mercy. The most you can do is help the rest of the family cope with the new normal, and even that will be changing. Good luck with everything. People you work with should understand that family comes first.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by Scott McD

I hate to say it. I couldn't ever imagine having to visit her in a home. I think if/when it does ever get to that point, sadly it would maybe be best for her to go and her time on this planet be done with. I strongly believe in dignity.

Typing that sentence is horrific. But it'a how I feel about it....

its a decision my wife and her brother had to make. they knew her mother wouldn't want to live like that and eventually instructed the hospital to stop going to special lengths to keep her going and within two months she was gone. she actually seemed to be improving once they took her off a bunch of the meds but one day she had a nap and never woke up. it was no life at all for her, it was a living hell.

[NALEM]

Family matters are always sensitive, and there is no perfect solution. Living with someone that has Alzheimer's brings its only 24/7 challenges physically and emotionally.

Depending on your financial situation (parents, siblings), have you considered the following: pooling $ to have a live in companion in your parents home, or time sharing mom, meaning that each of you take turns for 1 week or even 1 month, personally taking care of her?

[adultchatpay]

That's sad to hear considering she is just 61.
Did she suffer some kind of a head injury before?

Boxers usually ends up having Alzheimer's after their career. Because of repeated blow to the head.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by adultchatpay

That's sad to hear considering she is just 61.
Did she suffer some kind of a head injury before?

Boxers usually ends up having Alzheimer's after their career. Because of repeated blow to the head.

Nah. She was working as usual as a shop assistant and slowly but surely we noticed a couple of small things which didn't seem right.

Making mistakes at the shop. Money short in the till. Then somedays telling us about some customers calling her names etc saying she couldn't do her job right.

So that was the first signs out the blue. We knew then something was up.

Doctors repeatedly said scans weren't showing dementia. Never mind alzheimers. They said she had epilepsy.

Many months had passed and she got worse and worse then eventually another scan confirmed alzheimers. So she had to leave work and it's been just downhill ever since.



Thanks for the messages of support and advice. It's why i still post here and share personal issues now and again...

[Scott McD]

I understand why my father struggles watching it get worse each day. But i still can't help my anger at how he deals with it.

The drinking and his reactions as though she does things wrong on purpose just sets me off everytime.

At times i feel like i'm the only one who actually gets it...

[Bladewire]

When was the last time he was out of the house for a few days visiting with family or something?

Your mother has been with him for 40 years because he's a good man and she loves him, honor that. She can't take care of him or herself so step up with love. Don't put your anger on your father, it's not his fault. Its nobodies fault.

He needs your help coping. Stop judging him & love him, help him. What else does he have to do? Drink more? Get angrier? Get sadder? Are you going to force him to lose every shred of dignity first?

Your anger drains energy from this situation. Your love, understanding, time & energy will make this situation something it was meant to be, something you hope will be done for you.

He lives with this day in day out thinking there's no good option.

Be angry at the disease. The victims are your mother & father, and you, in order of importance.

[ErectMedia]

No direct experience with this, yet anyway, but sorry to hear this.

[Rochard]

Years ago I had a girlfriend who's grandmother had this... It was horrible. She couldn't remember anyone. Very sad.

I think all of us face this sooner or later, our parents getting older and going downhill. My stepfather is having a lot of issues.

[Bladewire]

I'm going to intrude because that's what GFY is all about, that's why you came here.

What if your Mom & Pop could say this @2:20 , don't give up.

[Spunky]

Sorry to hear man. TBH I would rather be dead if I was turning into a potato. Life isn't fair but the best thing I would wish for is to be put out of my misery. If I can't control my thoughts or actions what's the point? I would expect the same respect

[Phoenix]

Sorry Scott..must be horrible

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by Bladewire

When was the last time he was out of the house for a few days visiting with family or something?

Your mother has been with him for 40 years because he's a good man and she loves him, honor that. She can't take care of him or herself so step up with love. Don't put your anger on your father, it's not his fault. Its nobodies fault.

He needs your help coping. Stop judging him & love him, help him. What else does he have to do? Drink more? Get angrier? Get sadder? Are you going to force him to lose every shred of dignity first?

Your anger drains energy from this situation. Your love, understanding, time & energy will make this situation something it was meant to be, something you hope will be done for you.

He lives with this day in day out thinking there's no good option.

Be angry at the disease. The victims are your mother & father, and you, in order of importance.

I know what you are saying, and i am angry at the disease. But when i see how he speaks to her, usually because he has had a drink, my blood boils and i just lose it.

She isn't doing things wrong on purpose. Yet he acts/shouts like she is.

I have spoke to him about it (when he's sober) but he then just feels we are picking on him. Yes it must be horrible to live with, but it's his wife. And if it was the other way around, she would cope 10x better. He even admitted that himself.

Probably just a woman instinct thing...

[NatalieK]

sorry to hear about your mother Scott. Life's too short, wishing you strength when you go to see her & appreciate she's still alive to hold & speak to. Remember, your memories are important.

[AllAboutCams]

When my grandad went in to a home he loved it. He was losing his mind at the end and would repeat everything a few times. I know it must be no help but wish you all the best in dealing with this.

[suesheboy]

My father has been struggling with the mild onset of dementia at 86. To be full blown before 65 is staggering to me.

My father is insanely mean and nasty to me non stop. He gaslights you so you question if you said what you think you did or he did. I am now at the point I record all conversations.

To play back the nastiness and abusiveness is difficult to hear but I realize this is mostly the disease.

I didn't want to make this thread about me and my issues. I am looking at my situation right now and considering myself lucky he lasted so long where hearing about what you are dealing with.

[SplatterMaster]

Help your father as much as you can. Don't just visit, stay with your mother and give him time off. Give him days off. Most people don't realize how demanding it is to be a caregiver. His drinking more is a sign that he needs a break, that he needs help. You don't want to see her in a home then help care for her. Find out how demanding it is for your father.

[Mickey_]

For what it's worth, these are good starting points if you do decide to research it further:
https://www.foundmyfitness.com/news/t/alzheimer's
https://www.reddit.com/r/Alzheimers/
https://www.sciencedaily.com/news/mi...zheimer's/

(CBD, probiotics, ketogenic diets and plenty of practical advice you and your family can use...some as simple as calming her by creating a playlist of her favorite music, like you mentioned)

[CaptainHowdy]

Stay strong, Scott.

[Scott McD]

Originally Posted by SplatterMaster

Help your father as much as you can. Don't just visit, stay with your mother and give him time off. Give him days off. Most people don't realize how demanding it is to be a caregiver. His drinking more is a sign that he needs a break, that he needs help. You don't want to see her in a home then help care for her. Find out how demanding it is for your father.

I had them both at my house till 2am this morning. Dad had a drink which was fine and my wife and i did our best making sure mum had fun. (Food, fave music on tv etc). It was a fun night and needs to be done more often...